Walking in A Winter Wonderland

Let it snow! Right? Holy cow there has been a lot of snow. And ice. Lot's of ice. Lots of accidents on the road. Let's face it. It's a mess out there right now.

On the plus side, I've had a couple of weeks to try and plan this little shindig we call a wedding. Things we have accomplished so far: 1. The temple is scheduled! Making this whole thing more real than ever. We got the time and day we want. Perfect! 2. We have a reception center picked and a deposit down. 3. We have cake flavors and style picked out. 4 layers with so much deliciousness... and buttercream. None of that gross (yet, lovely looking) fondant. Yuck! 5. Should I mention that I met his family? That's an accomplishment, right? And they are SO wonderful! I think they like me too. Bonus! 6. Colors are picked out. 7. Oh, I have my dress. 8. Most importantly, we have the bride and groom.

I think that's all we have definite thus far.

What we're still working on: Food. Flower girl dresses... style is down, but we don't know which color to put them in. That all depends on what we put groomsmen in. For the bridesmaids we have a dress we like, but we need to see what they look like on our lovelies before we decide we really want them. I have an idea on flowers, but I'm waiting until my mom gets here in March to finalize that. Blue and green bouquets, here we come! Trust me, it will be gorgeous. Oh, wedding favors. If you have any fun/awesome ideas, please let me know. I don't want to do jordan almonds, or a candy bar, or any of that traditional stuff. We want something fun and unique, yet, still affordable. Still working on tuxes. That's a fun story.

I think we have photography taken care of... I think. Videography, check. Oh boy. No wonder people hire wedding planners. It's fun, but there's a lot to think about. Fortunately we still have 6 months. And I've very grateful for a wonderful fiance who is so patient and involved. He has made all this so much easier. And he's just as excited as I am. Ah, love. It's a wonderful thing. Plus, my mom is excited. Again, so much easier.

This was my winter break. Love makes stress much easier to deal with.

I can't believe this is actually happening. I can, but really I can't. I'm so glad it is.

Fa La La La La

Well, it's Christmas Eve and I have really nothing more to do than blog. It has been a week or so anyway, so why not? I'm sitting here alone, so I may as well.

Last weekend Cory and I went down to Las Vegas to visit my family for the holidays. Well, before the holidays. Our annual Adams Family Christmas dinner was in California, so we left Thursday after our last finals, spent a couple days in Vegas, drove to Cali on Saturday morning, drove back early Sunday morning, and stayed for a couple more days. As stressed out as I was, this was probably the best Christmas season I've had at home in a long, long time.

In California, Cory got to meet the extended family on my mom's side. They seemed to like him, and he wasn't scared away, so I consider it a success.

In Vegas, my mom wasn't feeling well, so I cooked dinner a couple times and ran a bunch of errands. Cory helped out a lot too. We helped my sister paint her nursery one day. A nice argyle print on the wall. I think it turned out really cute even though there was a lot of taping involved. Cory and I also picked out announcements. So now all we need is to figure out how many to order, pick an engagement picture, order announcements, and send them out.

Right before we left, I had a lovely little chat with my mom. All the dos and don'ts of being engaged and married. Considering I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, I could use it. Not all of my talks with my mom are the most pleasant. Well, really, our past history isn't 100% positive, but this was really nice and uplifting. I really appreciated it.

Yesterday I got to meet Cory's family. They drove all the way down from Washington for Christmas. It was fantastic! I love them so much! They feel like an extension of my own family. His mom is SO nice, his dad is really funny, and his brothers and sisters are all so wonderful. It makes me even more excited to marry him.

So tomorrow I get to spend Christmas with Cory and his family. Then Sunday I'm singing in the Nutcracker. After that, the rest of the year should be slow and relaxing. I've been able to organize a lot of stuff and donated a bunch to DI. Now my room is cleaner. My life is less cluttered. And I'll be ready to move into a new apartment with my husband in 6 months.

Yeah, I'm a little bored. But that's my life as of late.

The Laughter Penetrates My Silence

Yesterday was just too much fun. A while ago, girls went down to Ephraim to Lauren's house for Conference weekend. I think I had to work or something, so I didn't go. Well, Amanda came back with some really great picture. So when Cory and I got engaged, I thought it would be fun to do a photo shoot with her. Well, with Cory, but with Amanda taking the pictures. It was a blast. We laughed so hard for a very long time. And this is why we haven't hired anyone to take engagements yet. At an hourly rate, we'd be wasting a LOT of money. Fortunately, Amanda was able to get some great shots. My mom has been raving about them all afternoon. Check em out on facebook. There were about 400 total, but I posted my favorites... because, well, some were just so us (as in, so awkward or hilarious for us) that we couldn't expose the rest of the world to them.
With finals starting today, it was a great way for me to just break loose and forget worrying and cramming my brain full of crap. Yep. I said crap. That's how I feel about finals. And Cory's birthday is tomorrow... so maybe, with no other ideas for his birthday, I might be able so something with one of our favorite pics. So here's hoping for good luck with finals for both of us. And thanks again, Amanda, for awesome pictures. We have something to look back upon and laugh, a lot.

I Can See Clearly Now

This is a story of a very unfortunate circumstance and its very silver lining.

So I went to see my optometrist again this past week. You know, to check on those pesky ulcers that keep returning. The good news: they're finally healed. Again. The less good news, but still not bad news: we have discovered the main cause of this issue is probably chronic dry eyes. Therefore I have new eye drops to keep the eyes moist (have I ever told you how gross the word "moist" is to me?). And now I can only wear my contacts for 12 hours a day, maximum. Good thing my fiance has perfect vision... our children will have at least some hope. That's besides the point though. Here's the silver lining in all this ulcer business. Apparently all the scar tissue on my eye has formed in such a way as to pull on my cornea just so.... which, in return, has magically reduced my astigmatism. Fancy that! Now I have a trial pair of lenses that doesn't correct astigmatism. Meaning: My lenses are a little thinner, and MUCH less expensive! Well, that's not the true ending of the story. We'll find out next week if these lenses will keep so I can actually order them, or if I'll have to go back to the old astigmatism-correcting lenses that are twice as thick and cost an arm and a leg. But hooray for hope!

Everything Everything's Magic

It's only suiting that for my 50th post I announce something big, right? The question is what? Well... I suppose it could be that I'M ENGAGED!!! Oh yes. That's right. It's really real! I can hardly believe it. Actually, I'm still in a bit of shock. Like, completely unbelievable. You always believe (or hope might be more like it) that it will happen some day, but not think it will happen all at the same time.

You wanna know how it happened?

How about some background information so you actually understand all the significance behind everything.


Well, first of all, Cory wasn't supposed to talk to my dad until we went down for our family Christmas dinner. So this really was a huge shock. Second, ever since we started talking about getting married, Cory has been joking about Cracker Jack rings. You remember Cracker Jacks, don't you? That wonderful popcorn treat we all grew up with that always had a fun prize inside. Well, I would tell him it didn't matter if I even had a ring, but he insisted I needed one so everyone knew we were engaged, even if it were from a Cracker Jack box. I told him that even all he could afford were a Cracker Jack ring, I would still say yes. Then we went ring shopping one day and I fell in love with this ring. He would then go on and on about how he might not be able to afford the ring I loved. Which set me up to believe I wouldn't end up with that ring, but that I would still love whatever ring he found.

So this is how it actually happened. A couple weeks ago Cory mentioned that he needed to go up to Temple Square for an organ recital sometime this semester and asked if I'd like to join him. Of course any opportunity to go anywhere with him I would make the time. Then we decided the Wednesday before Thanksgiving would be a good day since we wouldn't be working and there's no school. Perfect. Then my sister calls up and asks if I'd like to watch her kids for her ultrasound appointment. This was a big one where they would be checking to see if her twins had two placentas... etc. This was the perfect opportunity for Cory to come up and meet my sister, which we've been trying to plan for months, but either she or I was always sick. We're all finally healthy and we would be up there anyway. Perfect again. (He also got me to think that we'd be ring shopping still while we were up there... sneaky.)

I went up to my sister's Tuesday night to try to avoid the storm that was coming. It was great since everything was canceled that night and I got to leave earlier. I stayed overnight and watched my sister's kids in the morning. Kelli came back and Cory came about 5 minutes later. Just as we got to his car, he's telling me how he found the best thing at the gas station next to my sister's house, but that he would show me later.We left for Temple Square and while the ice still on the road almost killed us, we made it to the recital a few minutes late. I was still thinking we'd be in Salt Lake for a while, so I asked what else we were going to do. We walked around Temple Square for a few minutes and out of no where, as we're next to the main entrance, Cory asks if I've ever been on a carriage ride at Temple Square. No, not here, I haven't been on a carriage ride at Temple Square. So he says okay, let's go. Well, it wasn't quite "let's go" but that's about the gist of it.

There we were on this beautiful carriage ride. It's freezing cold from the storm the night before. There's snow on the ground. It's gorgeous. And we're at Temple Square. Beautiful. So he pulls it out. This surprise he found at the gas station. There it was. 2 boxes of Cracker Jacks. I laugh. Of course. Because that's what I do. When sweet, romantic things happen, I laugh. Romantic, right? I gave him fair warning that I laugh. He should have foreseen this. There we are, enjoying our Cracker Jacks. I put my hand in the box and find the wonderful prize that comes in every box.
It was a plastic ring. Like one from a Cracker Jack box. His prize was a ring too, but his was pink and mine was blue. So we swapped. Well, really, he jokingly (in my mind) proposed with this Cracker Jack ring, which I thought was funny and cute. And I laughed. Again, it's what I do. This whole time, I'm just thinking it's some lovely coincidence.

Then we get to Memorial Grove, which neither of us had been to before. The carriage driver, the super nice guy that he was, mentioned that we would have to turn around soon and he would need us to step out for a minute to make it easier on the horse. I thought this was kind of strange, but, okay, I'll go with it. We hop out for just a second and walk over to this cute little bridge over a little river. So we start talking a little bit and he asks if I liked my ring and proposal. I thought it was cute. Then he asks if he should try again to do it properly. I'm oblivious and say no, that the first time was perfect. Then he says he really should, pulls out a box and gets down on one knee... in the snow. Wow. I'm thinking, and probably saying, "yes!... what?... really?... of course!... really?" Holy cow, did this just happen? He gets back up, pulls out his camera, we snap a few pictures along the way back, and wow. I'm engaged. Well, we're engaged.

Shortly thereafter I'm making all sorts of phone calls and sending texts left and right. But not before a little side trip over a dirt road trying to get back to my sister's. Best adventure ever! Especially since it was next to a swamp, a dump, and a wildlife preserve. Perfect! I couldn't have asked for a more perfect
engagement/proposal!

This is what I found out shortly thereafter:
Lauren, my roommate, gave him my dad's phone number one day when I accidentally left my phone in the apartment. Nice initiative, Lauren!
He called my dad a week ago (or thereabouts) when he wasn't supposed to until Dec 18th.
He ordered an entire case of Cracker Jacks since you can't find them anywhere anymore.
He somehow opened the bottom of the box and got the rings in there.
He called to set up the carriage ride ahead of time. Apparently they don't normally have them except in the evenings.
He bought the ring the day after we went ring shopping weeks ago!
My mom knew about it before I did.

It was wonderful. I am marrying the man I love. My family loves him. He pulled this off without a hitch, and without me suspecting a single thing! Oh, and I got the ring I fell in love with!

Just perfect.

And he was brilliant enough to bring his camera. What a smart boy.

Train this Chaos, Turn it into Light

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel so much better... and so much worse about yourself all at the same time? Well, I have. It happens a lot more than I'd like to admit.
So there I was at church today. Not my ward. I slept in. A frequent occurrence these days. And honestly, with last night being the exception, it's not because I stay up too late. I'm sorry, but when your body hates you, all you want to do is sleep. Sometimes I let myself. Last night I just stayed up too late because my wonderful boyfriend took me to see the new Harry Potter after work. And when I say "after work" we're talking 11pm since I was working a 3-hour play. And I saw Joanna... and old mission comp. I digress. Completely. So I slept in and went to a later ward because I slept in to sleep, not to miss church. So there I was in this ward I've never been to before and this girl sits down next to me. Cute girl. Had her cell phone in hand the entire meeting... which annoys me, but that's her choice. And her guy friend two chairs down was talking to her and their other friend the entire meeting. Again, I digress. So we're sitting there, and as we're beginning the second hymn, she looks over to me and says, "you have such a beautiful voice." What do I say to this? "Thank you." was the only reply I could muster. It took me off guard. Actually, this has happened several times. And yet, I still don't know what to say. I've never thought of myself as having an exceptionally beautiful voice. I don't. I just like to sing, so I try to do it well enough so those around me aren't screaming out in agonizing pain. A kind gesture, I think. But I thought for just a moment, maybe I do have a pretty decent voice. She brought it up a couple more times in the course of Sacrament meeting, so I think she was sincere. And that made me feel pretty good.
Then, right after I got home, I get a call from our new ward music chair asking me to sing in a women's trio for the Christmas program because I have a lovely voice and can harmonize. Wow. It's been a great day for my voice.
And then there's the part where I'm feeling not so great about myself. Which also happens... on a semi-regular basis. The talks in Sacrament meeting were wonderful. The RS President was speaking on the Atonement. She was talking about how sometimes she feels like she should feel justified in misery because her righteous desires aren't all being fulfilled. But then she says something along the lines of, "it's hard to make a woman miserable when she knows the Savior and His Atonement." Then I got to thinking about my misery. While I, by no means, consider myself miserable (I have wonderful things happening in my life, for which I have every reason to rejoice and be grateful), I'm not entirely as happy as I easily could be. And this could explain, in part, why I've been such a jerk to my closest friends lately. But the beauty in it all: I can change. And I'm determined to do just that. Not as some kind of New Year's resolution. Why wait that long and remain in my state of less-than-perfect joy? I can change it now. And I will. And it will make me a better person, I will be happier, Cory will be happier (I'm sure), and life will just be better.
That is my little rant for the day.

Here It Goes Again

Here we go again. My first set of ulcers just healed a week ago. Then my doc say to try to wear my contacts again. So two days of this week I wear my contact and my eyes are tired. Then, yesterday, I notice these little cloudy gray patches on my cornea. I could see it this time because it was on top of the iris. I thought to myself, "oh no. Cloudy means cataracts." And then I quickly remembered that cataracts are on the lens of the eye, not the cornea. Whew! But then, what the heck? So I talk to my roommate's dad, since it's late and he's an optometrist. Handy, right? Then I call to make an appointment with my optometrist at his recommendation.

Lo and behold, once again, I have corneal ulcers. So this is how my semester has gone: Pneumonia, Corneal ulcers, Cold, Corneal ulcers. Not the best bill of health this year. But I guess it's better than being a single, knocked-up teenager. Right? I'll take my lot. Fortunately this go around we caught them a LOT faster, so hopefully they'll heal faster. And my doc says he's never seen someone get ulcers one after another like this. I'm an anomaly! "You just have to be unique, don't you?" was his reaction. So here I am again, sitting with one eye dilated, taking tons of drugs.

I count my blessings though. We caught it quickly. I have a loving, kind, generous boyfriend who seems to want to stick around even though I'm falling apart. I have fallen in love again when I didn't really think it was entirely possible. I have a family who loves me. My classes are going relatively well. I aced my anatomy quiz and genealogy midterm. Winter is coming. My roommates care about me, even though my health and other issues are probably really annoying by now. Emily is getting MARRIED and invited me to the sealing. I have the BEST friends. And life is just plain good. Most importantly, I have the Gospel. I can't ask for much more.

It's Not As Easy As Willing It All To Be Right

I've made a discovery. Here it is: Life is hard. I can already hear you saying, "Yes Kayla, very good. Life is hard. Idiot!" Or something along those lines. Okay, yes. I've known for a while that life is hard. Sometimes we're oblivious to its difficulty. Many time's we're very aware. Yes, life is hard. But it doesn't have to be miserable, and we don't have to make it harder for ourselves. I must say, though, that I am very grateful for the little events and the people in my life that make life's hardships a little less obvious. Amidst the midterms, homework, concerts, work, studying, cleaning, cooking, laundry, and trying so hard to maintain my already limited health, there is always someone or something nearby to shine a little glimmer of hope in to the bleak darkness. So thank you to whomever needs to be, or should be thanked.

Also, I have some wonderful news. My regular readers, namely, my sisters, already know. But for those of you who care about me well enough to read my useless rantings on a semi-regular basis, you will know shortly. At least I hope shortly. How's that for a teaser?... Nevertheless, there will be news at some future date. It will be good news. And we will all rejoice together.

You Are the Best One of the Best Ones

I've been hearing, "Finally!" quite a bit the past couple days. Yeah, I kind of feel that way too. I was thrown for a bit of a loop last weekend, but "finally" Cory told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. Now you all know, and we can celebrate. The only reason we say "finally" is because we've been dating non-exclusively or unofficially for the past 2 months or so.

So for those of you who don't know... here's the story:

We met at work back in March. He was dating Kim (whom I adore and speak to often... but it's not weird at all, I promise). I was still dealing with the Eddie break-up fiasco. However, because we worked together, we talked a lot. I thought he was attractive, but he was dating Kim and I was dealing with Eddie. During spring term I heard rumor that Kim and Cory broke up, and while I felt bad for him, I was also a little happy. Just a little bit. You know how we girls can be. But then I left work for the summer for EFY and we didn't see each other for... the whole summer.

So there I was one day, manning the crosswalk to get to the dorms, preventing EFY kids from leaving campus, when there he was. Cory. He was going to class and I was just standing around bullying EFY kids. He was about 15 minutes early to class and stopped to chat. Boy did that brighten my day (uh... this was about when the pneumonia was setting in). Then he had to leave, as to not be late for anatomy.

I didn't see Cory for a couple more weeks. Not until Education week when I went back to work at my normal campus job. And there he was... all week. Better yet, I was promoted and now we had the same title. So I got to see him even more. I think our first unofficial date was me asking him out to ice cream one of the Ed Week nights. I make no promises that this is true though. But I think it is. Then again the next week after we both auditioned for choirs. Then every week (not always ice cream) since then, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week, except for the one week when he went home.

There were a few weeks where I was really frustrated because, though we were going out, nothing was happening. But then I realized if I wanted something to happen, I had to make it happen. Proactivity. It's not a real word, but it's a good thing. So, here we are. I have a boyfriend. After 10 months of being single, I have a boyfriend. And a wonderful one at that! Of his own free will too!

My favorite thing: he doesn't think I'm completely crazy. And if secretly he does, he likes it.

He's very patient with me. Very understanding on my hard days. Especially since, right when I'm starting to feel healthy, some crazy thing comes up to knock me down. He helps me with my homework instead of trying to distract me from it (like I have done intentionally to him... and he's okay with that). I feel completely secure with him. We want the same things. He's taller than me (added bonus for those who know)! He makes me want to be better without me feeling bad about myself. He is genuine and genuinely good. And he makes me laugh so hard sometimes, and doesn't mind when it's at him. My parents like him (which is a real treat)! I'm excited to see him every day, even when it's for 5 minutes, which is never enough. He makes me happier than I've ever been with a guy. Best bonus of all: he's not afraid to be seen with me.

What a good man, right? Definitely the best one of the best ones.

Most recent blog about a boy complete.

This is My Game Face

Okay, so maybe it's not quite like this. I'm not black. I don't have a mustache. I don't have a beard. I have hair. And my nose isn't that wide. But it's close. Squinty eyes. Kind of snarly. Except the right side of my lip is more lateral than vertical. So this is my game face. For now. Hopefully not for long.

Let me tell you why my face is the way it is. I just found out today! After a week of severe eye pain and sensitivity, I got in to see my optometrist. Sure, there's a long waiting time, but the man is good at what he does. So there I was. They take all the standard exams prior to actually seeing the doctor, including the bane of my existence; the eye pressure test. You know the one. You stick your chin on the chin strap. Brace yourself. They tell you to open your eyes as wide as you can. You start to shake in anticipation. They tell you to look at the blinking green dot in front of you. Still shaking. You blink a couple of times and without warning BAM! You pull back from the shock of having air shot into your eye. It might be just as bad as actually being shot in the eye. Maybe.

After this seemingly endless corporeal punishment, I finally see the doctor. Within a few minutes of examination he tells me, "you have one very unhappy eye." What does that mean? But I agree. Because, well, yeah, it hurts like heck. So then he tells me I have an ulcer. "A what?" That's right. An ulcer. I didn't even know you could get those in your eye. But no wonder it hurts so bad. So we figure out that it was probably bacteria that traveled up through my blood stream and infested, eating away at my eye. Sound gross? Well, that's because it is. At least we can treat it.

So now I'm on a daily regimen of antibiotics in eye-drop form. I use them every 2 hours. And I have some gel that I use 4 times a day... I don't know what it's for, but who am I to argue? AND I get to keep my eyes dilated for the next 5 days. Yep, I've got the drops for that too. Meaning it's sunglasses for me... a lot. Which is funny because I can't wear my contacts and I can't wear my glasses and my sunglasses. So I'm blind in the dark. People saying hello to me at school must feel shafted because I recognize the voice and the direction it's coming from, but I have no idea where they are. So instead of flailing around trying to find them, I say hi, no attempt at eye contact, and walk on.

Fortunately I'm finished with all but one my midterms (anatomy included) and one quiz.

And if you see me on campus, or anywhere else, and my face looks a little like the guy above, don't worry. I still love you. I just can't see you and my eye hurts.

Under the Willow I Breathe A Prayer

We just finished the BYU Homecoming Spectacular. It was so much fun. Absolutely fantastic. We sing this beautiful piece that is by far my favorite. I don't feel like I've sung a song so beautiful in a long time. I think much of that has to do with the message and the spirit.

Under the willow she's laid with care
Sang a lone mother while weeping,
Under the willow with golden hair,
My little one's quietly sleeping.

Fair, fair, and golden hair
Sang a long mother while weeping.
Fair, fair, and golden hair,
Under the willow she's sleeping.

Under the willow no song is heard
Near where my darling lies dreaming;
Naught but the voice of some far off bird
Where life and its pleasures are beaming.

Under the willow I breathe a prayer
Longing to linger forever
Near to my angel with golden hair,
In lands where there's sorrowing never.


It seems like each performance Sister Applone gives us something to think about. This time she asked us to think about where the mother in this song turns from grieving to hope, then what this mother might be praying for.

One girl made the comment that the only thing this mother might have left in her is this prayer. Her grief is so overwhelming that she can only breathe this prayer, knowing that the Lord will still hear it from her heart.

I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. But I imagine this mother, stricken with grief, not praying for her child. No. I think this mother has more faith than to pray for the welfare of her daughter's soul. I imagine her praying for the strength to continue. Not to move on necessarily. But to have the courage to leave her child's side, to continue in her life, and to live in such a way as to be worthy to return to her precious, golden-haired daughter.

My thoughts then turn to my relationship with my Father. I wonder if I have that same determination to return to Him. I wonder if I longed to linger forever with him. When I sing this song with the choir, I don't imagine myself as a grieving mother. I picture myself with my Father. What it might feel like if I return on Judgment Day unable to live with him. Longing to linger with him. Deep in my heart I breathe a prayer for that same strength, courage, and determination I will need in this life to return to him so I don't have to experience facing him knowing I can't stay. I am far from perfect. I know where I need to be and I want to be there. I'm working for it. Hopefully, for now, it is enough.

Oh yes, L. Tom Perry was at the Spectacular front and center tonight. That was pretty amazing.

Cause You Might Get Run Over or You Might Get Shot

Being cussed out by strangers at 1 o'clock in the morning is one of my favorite things.

Here's how this all went down:

So there I was (I'm told this is a captivating beginning to a story), sleeping. During the night I often times open or close my window right next to my bed depending on how hot or cold I get. What you should know is that my bedroom, along with 8 others, is directly above our underground parking area. As you should know, underground parking is designed so that everyone can hear each sound produced within the parking area, in case of emergencies... So from my bedroom, you can hear each car door, engine, footstep, conversation, or scream, that originates from said parking area.



Last night was no different, except the sound I woke up to was not exactly one I've ever heard at this hour. Oh yes. I woke up to the sound of someone skate/long boarding down the ramp of our underground parking. The fact that it woke me up was frustrating enough, but, trying to improve my patience, I resisted the urge to drop heavy objects out my window in hopes of smashing them, thus stopping this obnoxious noise and allowing me to fall back asleep quite satisfied. I hoped they would stop. Soon. But no. The noise persisted. That whir of small wheels rolling, the crack of the board flipping over, this mysterious person stomping away to catch themselves with the wheels still rolling behind them. I began to lose my patience after attempting to stop, or mute the noise by closing my window. Still, nothing. And I was hot. So I began softly yelling out my window asking this person to stop, go home. I didn't want to wake my roommates, but I got a little louder with each cry. He was either ignoring me, or really didn't hear me. I doubt he didn't hear me.

I was happy and angry when I heard Lauren's door open. She heard it too. This night boarder had roused more than one innocent person from the sweet bliss that is sleep. This just shall not do. It's one thing if I'm the only person affected, but bring my friends into this and it's business time! Someone is going down! Lauren and I were equally angered and charged our way outside for a confrontation. Apparently someone got to them first. More victims! But I didn't realize this initially. So when I thought he was returning to the top of the ramp to make another run, I asked if he realized that people lived here. Yes, perhaps there was a hint of sarcasm and frustration in my voice. Or a lot. But nonetheless, he responded with equal sarcasm and resentment. "Oh, where all the doors and windows are?" This was going to go well. I reply, "Yeah, that's what those are for." And to to try to tone it down since I could sense it would only get worse down this path, "Do you realize what time it is?" That didn't help at all. "You don't have to be a b**** about it!" Huh! A complete stranger, whom I've only had one brief exchange with, as already presumed to judge me. Ah, the kindness of strangers. I snapped. "Hey, I'm only giving you the same consideration you decided to give me." And, my favorite response from this gentleman... "You need to go get f*******!" Wow. Didn't really expect that. Followed by a few "F-you's."

Fortunately our neighbors, whom up to this point I never had a real respect for, chimed in ensuring the guy knew he was skating in our parking area. They actually defended us. And as a reward, this sk8erboi chucked a can at their cars, screaming profanities, as he sped away.

I hope you night was less eventful.

A Welcome Arrow Through the Heart

Life truly has its ups and downs. Especially in the life of a single college student. I can't pretend that anyone outside of this category has things figured out or easier than those of us within. Nonetheless, life is full of little surprises. This week: boys and cars.

I couldn't be happier with my boy situation right now. Slow and steady is working out perfectly. Everything seems to be new and exciting, even though I've been in this stage with many other boys. It's still new and exciting each time. The difference is that each new boy gets better and better than the last. I don't sit around wondering if there's someone better than this one. That's dangerous. Just enjoy the moment. I must admit there have been boys I've dated where I've absolutely known for certain that there were plenty of boys out there much better than the current one. Why I didn't leave the relationship right there and then is something requiring a lot more background information that we're not getting into here. I am enjoying the moments. Especially those little moments of progression or reassurance that they do, in fact, have an interest in pursuing you further. They ask those certain searching questions with genuine interest. Each time you accidentally touch there's a spark. Then there's that look they give you. Not the usual, "you're crazy" look I get from most men. No. It's the look of "you're a little crazy, but I find it endearing." And of course, there are those moments when you both have to laugh, loudly at one another and at yourself for the silly things you do and say, but it's a laugh of joy instead of embarrassment. These are the moments we hope for.

The car situation, on the other hand, is a little less pleasant. This past weekend my "Check Engine" light starting flashing its ugly little face. I wouldn't have been very concerned with it except for the engine overheating and needing to pass an emissions test to register my car for the next year. So I took it in hoping it would be a simple repair. Of course not. Fortunately I had money enough to pay for this semester's rent saved up. Unfortunately a good month and a half of rent is now in my car. Again, fortunately I have a job. The wonderful event that came from all of this is that once the repairs were finished, my car passed the emissions test with flying colors. FLYING! Why would I be so excited about how well it did? Well, last year we drove around like mad trying to find a way/person/place/thing that could rig things so my car would pass. Not an easy task. We were frantic. It's a blessing to not need to think or worry about that for another couple years. Or until my car dies completely. Hopefully it will be longer than just another couple years. So I won't be able to fly to Wichita with my Mom this Thanksgiving, but my car runs well, I'll get better gas mileage, and I'll be able to drive my car because it will be registered.


Blessings, blessings, blessings. Keep 'em comin'.

And did I mention that I finally started going back to the gym? Up until recently my lungs just haven't been up to it. I wasn't able to laugh without coughing something fierce. While they're not yet 100%, I can't wait any longer. The weight I lost is starting to creep its way back and I will not have it. Plus, I like going to the gym. And now my newest roommate is coming with me. I like her a lot. We get along quite nicely. The gym + new roommate = bliss. Happy Kayla. :)

Your Words in My Memory Are Like Music to Me

The theme for Women's Chorus this year is: "He lives! All glory to His name!" So during our retreat last week, Sister Applonie asked us to think about what "His glory" was and what it mean to give glory. Of course, being the good student I am, I tried to come up with some semblance of a decent response. I considered her questions. Deeply. Then, during my scripture study, it popped up again. In Alma 36, Alma is talking to his son, Helaman, about his conversion. Toward the end Alma speaks about his missionary efforts and the support the Lord has given him in his trials and says, "Yeah, and I do put my trust in him, and he will still deliver me. And I know that he will raise me up at the last day, to dwell with him in glory; yea, and I will praise him forever..."

Again, I thought about this idea of glory and giving glory. Glory is being raised up at the last day. We are his glory. So how do we give glory? Alma recognized the hand of the Lord in all things. In his delivery from the depths of sin. In his delivery from trials. He put his trust fully in the Lord. He knew the Lord and the promises he was given. My favorite, and what I choose to focus on here, if where he says he will praise him forever. That's it. It starts with the recognition and trust, but really, what good is that if you're not showing your gratitude for these things? Like when you are given something from a close friend and, while realizing and appreciating all the effort put into it, you say nothing and never use it. If we truly understand, or are trying to understand what we have been given, we can show our gratitude and glorify God by using what he has given us.

Apparently I need to be working on this more, otherwise it wouldn't be popping up as much, right? I try. I try really hard. But it is so easy to get caught up in your own world. Then again, I wouldn't have a world if not for the gifts of my Heavenly Father. So the goal is to make our worlds one. To have gifts bestowed upon me that will help me show greater and greater glory as I learn to use them. That's really what they're there for, aren't they? It's time for me to try harder. Be a little less selfish every day. Reach outside my comfort zone and become an influence for good. Time to trust fully in the Lord and give "all glory to His name." Not mine.

That is what I've been thinking about in my soapbox as of late.

It's Easy to be Surprised With Both Your Eyes Sewn Closed

What an exciting weekend it has been indeed.

First of all, I am extremely behind in my homework because of weekend adventures, work, and just being overwhelmed by the amount of homework and refusing to scratch the surface of it. I should be more concerned, but somehow, I am not. Perhaps tonight or tomorrow I will work feverishly to catch up again. Okay, let's face it. That's exactly what will happen. I have tests each week in most of my classes so I can't get behind. It's probably a good thing. The other activities I have participated during the course of the week instead of keeping up on my homework have been well worth it. Games, movies, and lunches with friends, World of Dance, and work. Yes, well worth it indeed.

Back to the adventures.

The Women's Chorus retreat on Friday was wonderful! I realized while there, (or perhaps it was revelation) why I love to sing. It could be applied to music in general too, I suppose. Music and singing just make me happy. They make me feel so much closer to my Father in Heaven and my Savior. I feel like I am using the talents given me that I have worked so hard to improve for a good purpose. Like when someone gives you a really practical gift, or even something not so practical that you use all the time. It almost forces you to think of them often, and you feel gratitude for that gift. When we have gratitude, even if we don't express it that often, we are blessed and feel that closeness. I feel so much gratitude to Sister Applonie for taking such a risk on me. Okay, I know it wasn't really that much of a risk, but she didn't know that during my audition with pneumonia, which was probably one of the worst auditions I've ever participated in. I'm sure my acceptance must have been divinely inspired.

I loved the retreat because I got to know so many of the girls in my section. We sang our numbers all the way through and could actually hear them. I felt the spirit there. Such peace. Such joy. Such love. It was wonderful.

Saturday morning I ended up working the first production of the day. There were 3 of us. Me and my two ushers. The production was down in the Nelke theater. It was Taming of the Shrew, which, let's just say I'm grateful Saturday was the last day of its run. Normally, just as the performance is about to begin, I send one of my ushers backstage to say the prayer and I take their place. Today, right after sending my usher backstage, one of our patrons needed assistance finding ADA seating. So I close the slower door and pull that usher to mine. No one really ever sees the other door anyway, which is why it's slow. I come back to the door, the production is starting late (15 minutes late, which is extremely rare), and while talking to my usher I notice a woman on the floor. She's just lying there. Not one movement. I think perhaps a student who found a comfy spot in the middle of the floor, but perhaps not. So I go check on her. Lo and behold, she had passed out. She was not okay. Well, BYU EMTs were called and eventually Provo EMTs were called. Fortunately the woman was well enough for her to be released to her husband. They all cleared out just in time for the production to end and we did not have to hold all the patrons in the theater. That would have been fun. I'm just happy this woman was okay and our patrons were able to leave without any problems. And by the way, the ushers working with me that day reacted beautifully.

After work my friend, Cory, and I went up to Park City to hang out with my family who came into town. The drive through Provo Canyon was beautiful! We had intended to go down the Alpine Slide, but when we got there, it was closed. What a disappointment. All the signs said they didn't close until 9 (maybe it was 10), but we were there by 7. I guess it was too late in the season. Cory had never been, so I was disappointed for both of us. So I think we'll have to go up one of these weekends so we can enjoy riding it rather than just staring at it longingly. To soothe our weary souls, we ended up at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. That'll do. For now.

Later, we headed up to the cabin and just sat around talking. Well, aside from our game of Scrabble, which I won, by a lot. It was really nice to sit and talk to my family. They loved Cory, which doesn't always happen. In fact, we recounted many experiences of my family meeting my friends. Then conversation turned to the guys I've dated. . . and their height. There was lots of laughter with that one. Eventually Cory had to leave and we went to bed. Morning came and we broke camp. It was a lovely weekend.

What we have learned is that we need to check hours of operation before getting too excited about going down the Alpine Slide. We will go again soon.



This is a picture of what it would have looked like had we actually been able to go down the slide. Except I would have had Chloe instead of Cailee, and Cory would have been there. This was last year. Cailee cried a lot before she was laughing. That was the best!

Oh, Oregon! Paradise Without the Sun

That line comes from a song a friend of mine (I went to high school with him IN Oregon) wrote all about the beautiful state of Oregon. I love Oregon. Oregon is the reason I love rain. Oregon is where I built most of my friendships. Oregon is definitely where my heart is.

About 5 weeks ago I was feeling like Death and really wanted to be around my family. So I call up my sister in Oregon asking if I can come visit her. I was planning on driving out the next day and staying a week, but decided better of it. I was sick. I didn't know what I had at that point. I didn't want her poor kids to get the yuck. In my genius, I hopped online to look at airline fares. Not so good, but still probably do-able. A few days later a checked again. The airline I take from Vegas to Oregon had fares $19.99 each way for Labor Day weekend. YES! That is definitely do-able. So with taxes and fees it ended up being about $75 round-trip. Pretty sweet, I know. I jumped on that one right away and a friend of mine from Salem did the same. To save on gas we drove down together, which was nice having someone to talk to on a drive I normally make myself.


I got to spend an entire weekend with my sister, her two, beautiful children, her husband, and her in-laws. It was fantastic. We played, we shopped, we ate (more that I usually eat in one week. It was very difficult to shove all that good food into my body, but I did it. . . and probably gained a few pounds too), we laughed, I breathed (for the majority of the time), and just had fun. I love hanging out with my sister so much.

As we were driving to and from the house I realized I had forgotten how beautiful Oregon truly is. I've missed it so much and hope to some day return to live there for good. It may be when I'm old and retired, but still, Oregon is where my heart is.

On this trip I also got to see my sister in Vegas, my parents, and my best friend, Mike. We lost a loved one (RIP Batman) and discovered who was expecting. And with any trip there's always a little drama and trauma, but we learn to cope. But thank heavens for the people the Lord has put into my life to help me cope with some of those things.

Oregon is GREAT! You should all go there!

It's A New Dawn. It's A Day. It's A New Life.

And I'm feelin' good. . . (insert dramatic instrumental intro here).

Who wouldn't feel good after all I've enjoyed the past. . . lifetime? Well, lifetime is extending it a bit much, but I have been blessed. This time, all I have to say is that it's going to be a good school year. (I just pictured the Mini Wheats commercial with the cereal counting down to yell, "Happy School Year!" in my head. You should too.)

Why? You ask.

1. I think, except for a tinsey, winsey little bit of coughing here and there, I'm FINALLY over this stupid pneumonia. Here are a few of the good things that accompanied this awful, enduring illness of mine: a. While still recovering from pneumonia didn't help my choir audition at all, telling the directors probably did. b. I was able to see how much certain people in my life really do care about me. c. I had an excuse to be lazy and sleep as much as I could for almost an entire week.

2. (Those of you who know me best know I have a tendency to write lists. Love them? Apparently I do.) I got into Women's Chorus! This is a great step in the right direction. I'm one step closer to BYU's music program and double-majoring!

3. I LOVE all of my classes and professors. Not so much one of my labs, but oh well. Can't win them all. I'm excited about school. I'm excited to learn. AND! I'm done by 4pm every day except Thursday. My classes are close together, and, so far, I've been able to get homework done. Sweet!

4. I've already made a couple new friends. One was mentioned in the last post. A few are from classes. I haven't really met anyone from the ward, but I'm sure I will.

5. Tonight I drove with my friend to Las Vegas as the first leg of my trip to OREGON!!! (We got pulled over. I was NOT driving. But didn't get ticketed. Miracles DO happen!) I get to visit my brother and sister for a few days and I can't wait! Plus I get to see Kayla, who is practically a sister to me. Hooray!

Okay, there are a million other reasons why this new school year is going to be fantastic, but I can't list them all here. Suffice it to say I am thrilled! I will maintain this elated state as long as I can keep up with homework for my 9 classes and do well on the exams. I'm trying really hard to hold on to this scholarship.

Here's to a great year! I wish everyone the best of luck, the best of love, and the best laughs.

What A Glorious Feeling

Despite not being able to sleep/breathe/function properly the past few weeks, life has been SO good. I've definitely been happy. I don't believe people should base their happiness or ability to be happy on their circumstances or others. It's all perception and how you react to your situations. Good or bad. Being sad is fine. You're entitled to have a bad day. Sure. But I truly believe, as I'm sure I've mentioned before, that it is entirely possible to be happy when the world is crashing down around you. Yes, it requires a strong sense of reality, and a gospel center does wonders. But it can be done!

Thus it is with me. I've tried really hard to push forward and continue through the agony of lacking health. It's not that bad, really. Fortunately my doctor was finally able to diagnose me and give me the right meds, which helped a great deal. Still, a month later and there it sits. Days are so much better. I can usually breathe during the day now unless I laugh really hard (which happens frequently) or exert myself a little too much. A great improvement over last week and the weeks prior. Still not fixed though.

Case in point: Last Saturday our home teacher took Ashley and I out rappelling and horseback riding. We had this planned for a couple weeks, and again, despite my health, I didn't want to miss out on this opportunity. It's not every day you get to do this kind of thing. Logically, when one plans to lower themselves from a cliff (we actually went over a waterfall. . . beautiful!) it requires climbing to a higher elevation. Ah, therein lies the rub. Poorly functioning lungs and climbing up a steep hill. . . but I did it anyway. Slowly, panting and wheezing all the way, stopping to take a break 3 or 4 times within a mile, we made it. I'm so grateful for Chase and Ashley's patience with me. For such an exciting adventure and with all the anticipation of getting there, it easily could have been frustrating for them.

To get off track for just a minute, the descent from the cliff was amazing. Terrifying, yet wonderful. I haven't rappelled in years and even then it was off a 20-foot wall. Something to that extent. So not REAL rappelling. I received a few battle wounds, but really, who doesn't like a good story attached to a scar? I know I do, and I have plenty of them to go around.

Horseback riding at Chase's was great too. Ashley and I were both very sore for the next few days, but it was so worth while. (I'll get a few pictures up soon. . . but they're all on facebook.)

Let the Rain Fall Down

Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE the rain? If not, let me tell you. I LOVE RAIN! It really doesn't matter what kind of rain it is. Cold, warm, heavy, sprinkling. I just don't care. Yes, a nice warm downpour is just bliss. But I just love rain. There's something about it that makes me happy. (Okay, rain that causes mass flooding and removes people from their water-damaged homes, not such a good thing. I'll give you that.)

Wednesday it rained pretty hard for just a few minutes. My roommate and I both pretty much missed it. All I saw was the wet ground when I went to get the mail. Then Thursday came. I noticed the rain outside and I was just content with life. Then Lauren came home from work, except she didn't really come home. I heard her try to open the door, which was still locked from when she left for work. So I went to unlock the door and let her in. I open the door and she is soaked. Instead of stepping in, she stands there with this look of joy and anticipation on her face. Before she even said anything about it, I knew it was going to be a puddle-jumping day. Glorious day!

(Again, maybe not such a good idea with the recovering from all of the pneumonia etc. But really, honestly, and truly, I couldn't resist.)











And then we found a shopping cart. . .







Always an adventure, right?

How Far We've Come

Yes, I ended up with walking pneumonia and was sick for about 3 weeks which made me lose a lot of weight recently, but the good news is now that I'm feeling better, it's staying off! And still coming off! Here's the big announcement: I have officially hit my 20 lb mark. Hooray!!! Ideally there's another 10 to go that I'd like to lose this year. I'm still working on it, but I'm excited and wanted to share. So thank you for sharing in my joy.



This was me and my dad at the BYU v. OSU game at the end of last year.



This is me and Lauren at our Thai food dinner date last week. And by date I mean Lauren, Ashley, her friend Courtney, and I wanted Thai food and went out to dinner that night.



I don't have any full body shots. I usually try to avoid that anyway, but you can definitely see it in my face. Again, Hooray! And my dad has lost some weight too, so I hear. Hooray for him!

This is the End

This past week was my last week at EFY. It breaks my heart a little when I think about it. In fact, I was contracted for one more week (this week) in Twin Falls, Idaho, but I ended up canceling my contract. Why? you ask. Well, because the past two weeks of EFY my health has not been so great and I haven't been able to spend the time I need with my kids. This past week especially I was in bed sleeping more than I was with them. I didn't want to put another group of kids through that, I didn't want to put myself through that, and I really want to get healthy before choir auditions and school starts. Not what I want to do, but what I need to do.

Here are some highlights from this week though:

Monday I met my kids and they, again, are fantastic. Four of my girls are from Alaska, and honestly, they're all great. My boys too. This was probably the strongest group of youth I've seen all summer. Orientation: not feeling so hot. We're out under the seating of the stadium all week which is weird, but whatever. You just go with it. It's EFY. It is hot. About 100 degrees hot on Monday. So I move from where I'm sitting with my kids and lay on a bench a few yards back in the shade. Have to sit up to cough a few times which makes me dizzy. Health counselor comes to talk to me. I start crying. I don't know why. All I want to do is sleep. So one of the BC's starts walking me back to our housing. Just as we get out of the stadium and into the sun. . . that's right, I start throwing up everywhere. Luckily I was near grass. I feel bad for the BC. Oh well. I go back, sleep until FHE, and go back to my kids who greet me warmly. Love them!

Wednesday I ended up sleeping half the day. Finally decide to wake up and shower. Get out of the shower and back into my room (still in my towel) and notice a text on my phone. I start responding to that before anything and hear the keypad on the door (we had keypads and not keys). I think it's my roommate coming in for free time. Then the bedroom door begins to open slowly. Strange occurrence since I think it's my roommate. With my back still turned to the door, I hear, "Oh. . . you're naked." I turn, and it's my BC. She assures me she was coming to check and see how I was doing. I don't see what the big deal is. I'm in a towel, not naked. Yet, she continues to gawk at me like I am, in fact, naked.

I find out later that my BC that week had the morning off and went to the temple. All week she has been sneaking in to do small acts of service for us. Well, Wednesday morning, since she was at the temple, she sent the male coordinator to do it for her. So he walked in while I was sleeping. A little creepy to think a boy was in my room while I was sleeping without me knowing it. Also a little creepy to think that he could have been the one to walk in on me in a towel that afternoon. Funny story nonetheless.

Friday was frustrating because I was still sick, but I wanted to meet up with my kids for pictures before dinner or the dance. Who wouldn't? So I go to dinner to try to find them. Throughout the week this hasn't been a problem. They're always there on time because if you're not, you don't eat. But I can't find them. So I wait at our company spot until dinner ends hoping they'll be there. No. They never come. So I think, the dance is just starting, maybe they beat me there. So I walk over, and no. Not there either. Now, normally I would just call my co to see where they are, but he had no cell this week. Bad news. So I'm waiting there at the dance for them. My co has first dance duty and should have checked in already. 50 minutes later! I see three of my boys walk in. They were doing pictures this whole time! Without me! And, my co completely missed his dance duty. I had second dance duty and I still had to do mine. Which meant I didn't get to spend ANY time with my kids during dinner/pictures/dance on the last day. I was so completely bummed out. The frustrating part was that it didn't even seem to phase my co. The kids missed out on half their last dance (which many of them were sad about). At least I got to teach part of the last devotional and some of us met up Saturday morning to take a group picture. Some didn't show up, so that was sad too.


Some things I've learned at EFY this summer:

1. People genuinely like me. I never really felt that way before about people I've just met. Usually it takes a few times meeting me and really making an attempt before I feel they like me.

2. I can teach. I think it's one of my gifts. Not only can I teach, but I can teach teenagers. Not an easy task. And I love it!

3. I love teenagers. I didn't before. I do now.

4. I can have relationships/friendships with boys. I can do it! I actually have guy friends that I have no romantic interest in, and some guy friends that I find extremely attractive, yet can still remain friends without being awkward. Hooray!

5. People genuinely care about me. I've made some great friends who have shown so much love and concern that it literally warms my heart. I didn't know people were like that.

6. I have hope in getting married some day soon. I always thought it would be kind of far off, and not that I have any real prospects right now, I have hope. And hope is good.

7. Life is easier when you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. That's right! Prayers, scripture study, sharing your testimony. Who knew? Well, we all did. But it's so much easier when you just do it.

8. Music really has to be a part of the rest of my life. Even if it's just in my home and not my career, it must be ever-present. It is powerful and I want in.

9. I want to have a large family. I've always felt this way, but never really realized it until EFY. I've longed to be with my family this summer. But I've also discovered that 6 isn't a lot. My family has 6, my sister has 6. It's doable. And, well, I'll do whatever the Lord wants me to do.

10. Life is supposed to be joyful. If it's not, it's probably your fault. You can still have joy when everything seems like it's falling apart. It CAN happen. And it's supposed to! That's what the gospel is all about. Well, par of it at least. You can make it happen! So do it!

Weight of the World

Here's a random post/update for you.

Earlier this year I went to the doctor to check my thyroid because I had suddenly gained a bunch of weight and was kind of freaking out about it. Turns out that my thyroid was slightly under active, which was part of the problem, and I was under so much stress with school, just ending a long, long relationship with someone I was going to marry, etc. Well, you'll be happy to know that I am officially down 16.4 lbs. Granted, about 15 lbs. of this is from this summer at EFY, and about 10 of that is because I've been really sick the past week and a half. Not the best way to lose the weight, and it will probably come back once I'm healthy again. Oh well. At least I'm trying to find the silver lining. Just another 10 - 15 to go until I'm back at my pre-mission weight. Hooray for goals!

We'll see what I can do about a before and after pic.

One Week Since You Looked at Me

Today I thought to myself, "Hmm. . . Taco Bell sounds really good." Then I get home, after a 90 minute visit to Instacare and the pharmacy, sit down with my delicious Taco Bell and decide: Taco Bell. Not so good. So here's the story behind the not-so-good food. It isn't Taco Bell. It's me. Last weekend I ended up getting pretty sick. I had a fever of 101, which isn't that bad, but still less than good. Chills weren't that fun either. Well, fortunately the fever broke by Sunday night so I could actually work this week. That was a blessing. What was less than fun was having to eat in the Morris Center. Well, this week I didn't really have to. In fact, I couldn't. I couldn't eat much all week. Blessing: lost another 5lbs. 15 down this summer!

Here's the great part about this week. Okay, so there are more than one great things. First of all, Brittany, my BC. She was so loving and understanding this whole week. While I tried not to take advantage of her kindness, I so appreciated her willingness to help me out in any way she could. She's what every BC needs to be.

Second, McKay and Nick, my co-counselors. Nick got sick at the end of the week - not from me by the way. McKay and Nick were fantastic. Always willing to pick up my girls for breakfast, and teach without me there. Not to mention, they were hilarious. They absolutely cheered my heart.

Lastly, my kids were just the best. My girls were so understanding and adapted to just about every situation. The boys were fantastic too. They all still had such a great EFY experience even though it probably wasn't ideal.

I should have known when I ended up with two guy cos that I would get sick. It definitely made me humble and forced me to rely on the Savior and other people. I'm not so good at the relying on others thing.

Can You Feel the Love Tonight

I was concerned that after my last week at EFY, I wouldn't really be able to handle another week unless I had the best cos on the entire face of the planet and had great kids. I was not disappointed this week. Andrew was hilarious and Nicole was just the sweetest thing. While we got off to a bit of a rough start, all ended very well.

Again, I got to work with 14 year olds, which was such a blessing. None of my 8 girls came together. I had personalities that almost ran the entire spectrum. And they loved one another. I don't know how I got so lucky. The rest of the boys and girls were pretty much the same. Day one, one of my boys started acting up a bit and wanted little to do with what was happening. A day or so later we ended up figuring out what was going on and he ended up staying with us. I am so grateful. I love this kid like a little brother. There were a couple other girls who really wanted to go home. One did, but my girl who was so severely homesick she was crying herself to sleep at night ended up holding out through the week and making some friends. I was grateful for my girls who took her under their wings. She clung to me like I've never had anyone do before. I didn't know what to do about it. Things worked out well in the end and she really wants to come back again next year. When her father came to pick her up, he wanted my phone number so his wife could call me later about their daughter. It was odd for sure, but what the heck, I gave it to them. We'll see if they ever call.

My old institute teacher from Salem was our session director, and it was the ASL session, which means I got to use a lot of my ASL. I'm surprised at how comfortable I was approaching the deaf youth. I loved them though. It was a blast!

I think this may have been one of the best weeks ever. Not just because of the kids or my cos, but because it was the first week I felt completely guided by the Spirit. One of my girls ended up wanting to go to seminary. One of my girls gained a better understanding about dating and the appearance of dating. One of my girls became more independent. Over all, everyone seemed to have grown this week. Including me. There's not much more I can say about this week.

Friday, no one wanted to go home the next morning. I consider it a success. My favorite part of this week was that on Thursday, no one bore their testimony about their counselors. That was the greatest compliment of all. Their testimonies were based on the Spirit and true doctrine.

There's One Who Knows You Perfectly

Let me start this out by saying today has been one of those half and half days. One of those days where I totally feel left out with my co-counselors, like my kids really didn't want anything to do with me (except for the one who almost refuses to leave my side, but not because she likes me necessarily), like I don't have much to offer, like I don't know what's going on, like I really want to call my dad (he was in Vegas this weekend but I didn't get to see him and I miss him so much) but I can't because he lives in Kansas and he's for sure in bed by the time I get the chance to call him at night, and one of those days where you tell yourself, "Okay, I know I'm not that attractive, but I'm still a good enough person on the inside." Yet, it was also one of those days full of tender mercies where I was able to feel like I connected with one of my youth, got to talk to and get to know a bunch of the deaf youth, helped others feel the Spirit, helped others find their way (physically and spiritually), helped one of my girls feel the desire to go to seminary next year, and felt as though I shared powerful testimony. It's these half and half days where, though I feel a little useless here and there, those very short moments of peace more than make up for the pain and sorrow. Though I know these things, the moments where I felt I did some good, were 1% me just being there and 99% the Lord.

I also found out today that a few of my kids struggle with some of the same things I do/have. Not sin-type things. Just situational things that they're struggling with. I am grateful for the moments where I feel like I am here for a reason. Where I know I'm supposed to be here. Those tiny moments of personal revelation. How grateful I am and I truly wish I had the words to express my feelings - but I don't. There aren't enough. They're not adequate. Only the Spirit can truly communicate for me how I feel.

One last experience: I had the opportunity to sing again this week. I got to sing "Let It Begin" from our CD this year. It's a beautiful song about repentance. I love it so much because I feel like that's where my testimony is - where it hits home the most. Not even with big sins, or sins at all. Mainly about turning to the Savior in all things. Part of the song says, 'There's one who knows you perfectly. He can take the hurt away. The healing starts within. Just let Him in and let it begin." It doesn't even matter the kind of hurt we're feeling. He can take it away because he knows how. Only he knows how because he is perfect and knows me perfectly through the Atonement. This is me feeling the song of redeeming love. Yes, I can feel it. And how grateful I am.

A Beautiful Somewhere, A Place that I Can Share with You

Okay, so here are the beginnings of our little road trip this past week. More will be edited in the near future (once I have time to sit and think about it a little more). This is by no means a complete list, as you can see. . .

Ready???

SUNDAY (11 July):

Church
Finished packing
Watched the end of the World Cup Final (GO SPAIN!)
Drove to St. George
Visited John (in St. G for his birthday from WA)
Had dinner (sort of) with Nick
Tried to find a bank for roommate but ended up getting a little lost and wound up at Dixie Rock. . . with Nick. Not sure how that happened actually.
Climbed the red rocks in flip flops - not as bad as you'd think
Hung head over edge of rocks because, "It looks like the ocean upside down." Fun, yet terrifying actually. And it did kind of look like the ocean. Gotta find your ways in a land locked state I suppose
Watched the sunset overlooking the St. George temple.
Finally drove to Las Vegas
Talked a bit with my mom while being maliciously attacked by her new kitten
Tried on a dress I got for Christmas for my roommates
Visited with Mike
Went to sleep

MONDAY:

Wake up, Lauren attacked by Mom's newest demon cat
Drive to the Strip
Got a little lost behind the MGM, but got directions from a nice man on a cart
Were disappointed to find the tigers were not on display yet. . .
Ran into Spongebob, who groped Ashley
Went to M&M World!
(Lauren's skirt kept blowing up, so I helped her out a bit)
Drove to the Hoover Dam and had a dam-good time (and a little sunburned)
Made wishes (I shared with Lauren) and threw coins into the dam
Stopped in Primm to find Bonnie & Clyde death car - fail.
Stopped in Baker City on the way to Rancho Cucamonga/Alta Loma (Nexie, the GPS, still hasn't figured out exactly which city my aunt and uncle live in)
Finally went into Alien Fresh Jerkey (mmm. . . good stuff)
Took pictures with Big Boy
Saw the World's Largest Thermometer at 105 degrees!!! It was hot.
Chilled in LA - dinner at Tito's Tacos (Ashley squealed like a little school girl)
Jim Henderson Studios with Kermit on the roof

Got . . . not lost . . . hmm . . . adventurous in the Hollywood Hills and found Hollywood sign. Nexie got us pretty close.
Stayed overnight with Uncle Richard and Aunt Cynthia

Quotes:
"That's a nice Lexus" (Lauren)
"I think we should mess it up" (Kayla)
"I prefer to keep the car in working condition" (Ashley)
"Not with the car!" (Kayla)
"With what?" (Lauren)
"My body" (Kayla)

"Will you do my hair tomorrow?" (Lauren)
"Yeah. Do you want me to do double pigtails?" (Kayla)
"So. . . you mean you're going to give me four pigtails?" (Lauren)
"Not pigtails. I meant double French braids." (Kayla)

TUESDAY:

Up at the crack of dawn to go to DISNEYLAND!!!
Dog ate my shoe
Had to go to Target to get new sandals (for the beach, etc.)
DISNEYLAND (for 15 hours)
Drove back to Richard and Cynthia's exhausted at about half past midnight

Quotes:

"If you push on the doors, something magical will happen. You will find yourself. . . outside!"

"This way to happiness."


WEDNESDAY:

The beginning of our drive up the coast - Highway 1 - Pacific Coast Highway
First stop: Zuma Beach
Almost didn't get in because the road was flooded, but we drove through anyway.
Big truck hit us trying to pass as two lanes merged into one. Only cracked the framing and took off some paint of the driver's side mirror. His back left side got a little more beat up than that. Ha. I mean, sad, but that's kind of what you get when you're being a jerk driver. He sped off for a while and finally pulled over to get insurance info once he noticed damage to his car.
Stop in Solvang. Solvang: A Baltic-looking little town with little Baltic shops and a windmill.
Ostrich land. Fed demon ostriches. Saw demon Emus. And baby ostriches, which were not quite demonic yet. In fact, they were quite cute.
Bubblegum Alley. Gross.
Found a motel in San Simeon. Had to change to a new room because of a lovely little surprise left in the bathroom for us. One of the most rancid things I've smelled in a while.
Dinner in Cambria. Had to settle for a little pizza place because everything else closed down at 9. We were a bit tired and bitter, but happy to finally eat again.

Quotes:

"Next time we do something romantic, we should bring men." (Ashley? Maybe Lauren)
"The problem with us is that we don't realize we're in the midst of a romantic activity until, well, we're in the midst of a romantic activity." (Kayla)

THURSDAY:

Hearst Castle tour. Lauren tripped on and ripped the "special tour carpet" but it was fixable thanks to duct tape and my foot. No one knew. . .
Stopped to see the elephant seals. Learned a lot about them from the preserve guy. Asked him to take a picture of us. He missed our faces. I guess digital is a little difficult once you reach a certain age. Or he's just a perv.
Stopped in Ragged Rock. Beautiful!
Stopped on Carmel beach to collect "sand" for Scotty's boss who is overly obsessed with Carmel.
Monterey beach.
Dennis the Menace park/statue
Fisherman's Wharf
Sea Lions (lots of pups) and finally finding out what that smell was. You don't want to know. Informed lots of other tourist about the sea lions - recently acquired information mind you.

FRIDAY:

San Francisco.
Stayed with Ashley and Lauren's friend and his roommates. Very nice of them.
Lombard Street - so much fun!
Fisherman's Wharf
More sea lions (which we loved!)
Vintage game arcade that gave me the serious creeps.
Ghiradelli Square (ice cream and chocolate! Yum!)
Golden Gate Bridge - over, under, around, and. . . not through.
Out of the Closet thrift shop = best thrift shop ever.
Burma Superstar - best dinner ever. Try the Rainbow Salad. It has a kick, and it's fantastic. Oh, and the curried lamb with coconut rice. And the mango chicken. It was all delicious.
Probably spent more money on food than anything else this week. Worth it? Yes.

Quotes:

"Sometimes I think I smell seaweed. . . not seaweed, seal pee." (Lauren)

SATURDAY:

Started home
Stopped in Lafayette to see the Iraq War Memorial. Simple, but powerful.
Jelly Belly Factory - 6 lbs of Belly Flops. Mmm.
Finally found the Bonnie and Clyde death car in Reno. Good thing we were going that way, but it wasn't where they told us (or where other signs said) it would be. Lucky us!
Didn't see the Salt Lake, but you sure could smell it.
Made it home about 2am.

Quotes:

"Wait, what is this? Where are we?"
"The Jelly Belly Factory."
"Holy Hell!"



Other quotes from this trip that I can't remember when they occurred:

"Oh! There's another black man. Only. . . smaller, and taller. So basically they are the same."

(Ashley while driving) "Will you scratch my back?"
"Really?" (Lauren in the back seat)
"It's what my sauce says. . ." (Ashley)

"I don't like the way he holds his face."

"You have a bladder the size of an acorn!"

I Made It This Far Now and I'm Not Burning Out

Let me start with my last week at EFY. We'll chat about my fabulous vacation in a different post.

This last week, by far, was the hardest. My girls, again, were great. My boys, well, I had a little more difficulty connecting with them. I'm amazed that no matter how stupid they were acting at the time, or how rude they were, or how much I felt like screaming at them (which I only had to do in extreme cases and hated it even then), I still loved them so much. I wish I could show them their potential. But I could only tell them what I saw. Each boy on their own was great. Together. . . that's a different story. But they did throw around a football with me occasionally, which I enjoyed greatly. And, they, as a team, came up with a pretty bomb cheer. It was frustrating, annoying, and irksome at times, but exhilerating and full of life lessons.


At the beginning of the week I felt so distant from the Spirit. I think it showed too, unintentionally. I didn't feel burned out. I don't know what was going on. But by Monday night I knew I needed to change something. I tried so hard and by Tuesday I felt like I was back in the swing of it. Even if my youth didn't all the time, I felt the Spirit the rest of the week, which was refreshing compared to Monday. Friday was a disaster. Scotty (my fabulous co) and I had to drag the Spirit into devotional that night. There was hesitation, because, as we all know, if you don't want the Spirit there, it doesn't want to be there either. Despite the mess, I had a few quiet moments on hall/bathroom/stair duty, sitting next to the garbage can where I felt more peace than I have for what seems like eternity. Honestly, next to the bathroom and a garbage can? The Lord works in mysterious ways, but I'll take it. (One last little shout-out: Scotty was such a God-send. It was a little rough at first, but I feel like we really got to know one another and, boy, that kid is hilarious!)

I even had a bit of an epiphany this EFY week. I thought to myself, "I really want to do EFY again next year." Then the thought came, "If I'm at EFY again, that means I'll be single, for another year." Panic set in ever so slightly. Well, perhaps more than slightly. Remember now that I am very much content with my current situation, but am not looking to be single forever. I had another moment where I felt like perhaps I was too complacent in my dating life. My, practically non-existent, dating life. And here was the epiphany: If I don't plan on being single forever, I darn well better do something about it. Logical, yes? So, seeing as stupidity runs somewhere along the lines of coming to the same conclusion without acting upon it, I decided to act, and not be an idiot. I decided to muster up all the nerve I had and ask a guy out. Not just any guy. I won't go into that. But I do find him fairly attractive in many respects. And after an exchange, he turns it around to ask me out. Perhaps he's old-fashioned. I don't know. I'm sure he has his reasons, but nonetheless, we had a date. And it was some of the most fun I've had in a very long time. Not to mention my first date in months. (Recall my almost non-existent dating life.) So that was me taking action. Will it happen again? I cannot say.

No matter what happens, I'm ready for another week at EFY. I can't believe three have come and gone already. This week I change teams for good and this particular week I work the ASL session. I am so excited and am really looking forward to working with some people I've met this summer.

. . . I'm probably going to get some sleep now and work on my vacation post tomorrow. (Pictures coming soon too. . . we've been having technical difficulties.)