He Is Risen!!!

Happy Easter, all!



And since it is Easter Sunday, my thoughts are directed toward the Savior. Recent events (so it always seems) have made me see more fully the Lord's hands in my life. Because of Christ, we may have hope. Because of Him, we can be whole. But we must come unto him, even when we feel we don't need him in our lives.

I am constantly reminded of my need for the Savior. We are taught that we must repent and come unto him always. I've come to realize that even when we have not committed outright sin, we still need repentance in our lives. Repentance is really just a change of heart. A paradigm shift, as it were. We come to realize who we really are as His children and we strive to be nearer to him. That means allowing him to heal our hearts when we are overwhelmed with pain and grief. Allowing him to heal our hearts when we are filled with anger and anguish. When we are so alone we cannot bear to go on any longer. He is there. Always. Reaching out to us, to our hearts. To heal them. To feel whole again. To feel love again. To feel peace again.

We may not understand why we do certain things, or why the Lord allows us to experience certain things, especially the most painful of things. But I know that all things are for us to come unto him that we may remember him, and that we may be healed.

I am grateful to and for my Savior for his love, for his grace, for his sacrifice, that I may be clean and whole. That I may help others because of him.

I testify of his divinity, his love, and his sacrifice. He lives. He died and rose again that we may live with him again. He is our Savior, and we are His.

Ode

My man is incredible.
He is brilliant.
He is genuinely kind.
He is probably more nurturing than I could ever hope to be.

And I couldn't be more lucky...

Everything Changes

Ever have one of those days where it seems, even for just a moment, that your whole world is turned upside down? I think everyone at some point has one, or several.
Well, last night was one of those moments. Granted, it didn't change my life necessarily, but it really changed the way I see people.

To back it up a little, I struggle with anxiety and depression. It's not horrible, but there are definitely some days that are worse than others. Last night there was an incident at work that threw me into the worst anxiety attack of my life. (I've had more than my share anxiety attacks where I felt like I was going to die. This wasn't one of those, but for some reason, I think because it was essentially induced, it felt worse... like I was stabbed in the chest several times and there was a big gaping hole.) I think it probably scared me so much because I've never experienced many of these symptoms.

I went into one of the back rooms at work to try to compose myself before I got hysterical, but I just couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened to me. I couldn't breathe and I started to cry, which of course, led to hyperventilating. I think it was the excess oxygen in my body that made my hands, legs, and ears (I know, right?) go completely numb. I couldn't stand. I felt like I was going to throw up. Thankfully I didn't. Eventually I had to just lie on the floor. Gasping for air, sobbing, and trembling. I'm sorry if anyone in, or approaching the ticket office heard any of it. That couldn't have been fun for you either.

Fortunately, I have a wonderful boss who did everything he could to make sure I was okay. President Uchtdorf came to the concert I was working, and he even missed greeting him, which I think was my fault. I didn't get to greet him either though, which I could have had I been upright and composed. Well, my boss was supposed to leave to take care of his kids right after the performance began, but he didn't leave (for almost another 30 minutes) until I was obviously going to be okay.

Another blessing is that Cory was there too. (One of the greatest things about my job are all the wonderful people I work with.) I called him in on the radio and he was immediately at my side, on the floor, stroking my back, hair, face, trying to get me to breath normally, and just saying sweet things. As many almost brides do, I've been panicking about getting married... if I'm even actually ready to get married despite how much I love this man, and this whole thing gave me an opportunity to see just how my future husband is going to be by my side through thick and thin, holding my hand, and supporting me any way he can.

I got home and told Lauren, my roommate, the whole thing, and she was by my side the whole night until I finally went to bed. I have the best friends ever.

I don't know if I'll be able to look at people at work the same. If they'll be able to look at me the same. My immediate concern is going to be focusing on finals this week. If I continue to sleep like last night, it's going to be difficult. At least I got out of bed this morning, right? All I really know is that the world is an interesting place full of interesting people, and they never behave as you anticipate. I'm still a little shaken up. I've been crying at... well, nothing, but I think everything is going to be fine. I'm hoping/thinking soon works for me.

Beginning to See the Light

We officially have a photographer!!! And stamps!!! Hooray!!!

It's amazing all the little things you don't really think about when planning a wedding. Like stamps. And BOY do those little suckers add up.

All these little things are coming together.

My next big project: addressing envelopes! Sound daunting? Well, it would if I were doing it all by hand. But my loving, and very wise, mother is putting all the addresses on labels. So all I really have to do is peel and stick. Multiply that by 350 and it's still daunting. But my mom has really put a lot of time and thought into making this whole thing as easy as possible. I'm so grateful!

What I really need to focus on is finals. They're just around the corner! I don't feel prepared. I have little to no idea what is going on in one of my classes (I know some people like to pass the buck and blame it on poor teaching skills on behalf of the instructor... but genuinely, I think in this case that's where to point fingers). So I need to go in and chat with the TAs for a bit.

My other big projects:
Purge, purge, PURGE! Get rid of as much of my stuff as I can possibly part with (being reasonable and considering sentiment, of course). Our new apartment, while quaint, is TINY. AND, sell my apartment contract. I'm making a DI trip tomorrow. I cleaned out a lot of my closet. Got rid of another 2-3 boxes worth of stuff. We had another set of girls come look at the apartment tonight. I'm really holding out hope that SOMEONE will buy my contract. I think it's tough partially because it's spring and summer, and partially because a lot of the info on management's website is wrong.

Example: SS contract $160 - shared - available July 1st.
What it should say: SS contract $160 - private - available April 23rd.

See how those little facts might deter someone? I've had to correct it for everyone that has come by. But at least they're coming by!!! I could use the prayers though.
And if you happen to know of anyone (single woman/women) looking for a place to live in Provo this Spring and Summer... please refer them to me.

We're sending out invitations the last week of April, so keep an eye on your mailboxes everyone!!!

Oh shoot. I still need to get our engagements back, we need to pick one, print them, and finish stuffing envelopes too. Yeah, I need some prayers.

But after this, it should be smooth sailing. Right?

(I did intent to end this post after the 3rd paragraph... it never happens as we intend.)

Congrats again to Korrie & Kendall! Can't wait to meet Macaylah next month!!!

I'll Buy for You An Icery Creamery Conio

This has been quite the eventful weekend. First off, General Conference. Can I confess something really quick? Without being judged too harshly?... Okay, I have the HARDEST time staying awake during Conference. It doesn't matter what position I'm sitting in, it doesn't matter what or how much I have to eat that day, it never fails, I always fall asleep during at least one session of Conference. Things still absorb when you're sleeping, right?

So my parents came up this weekend. My mom drove in from Las Vegas and my dad flew in from Wichita. What wonderful parents! All school year they've been telling me they want to come to one of my WC concerts. Well, they haven't made it to anything so far, so this weekend was their last opportunity. I bought tickets RIGHT after they went on sale and got really great seats. It was iffy on whether they'd be able to come at all since there were a lot of things going on this weekend. But they made it! And Cory's grandparents came! And my roommate! And Amanda came home!!! (Amanda is the roommate that went home for Christmas and never came back until just now!)

If you're wondering about the title of this post, I ended up going to the Creamery twice this weekend. I still have left-overs in my freezer.

Friday was also my mission reunion, but I couldn't go because I ended up with a lot of responsibilities for this concert. Seeing as I have no authority in the choir at all, in order to feel really involved, I like to volunteer. So I got to do a lot of things that really made me feel a part of things.

Saturday I got to have lunch between sessions with my folks. After Conference, Lauren threw me a lovely bridal shower. I had a blast! Lauren has been such a great roommate. I'm so blessed to have her! We played games, I chewed a lot of gumballs...yuck, there was great food, good friends, and some wonderful gifts. Thank you everyone for coming!

Our last little bit of wonderful weekend news: my sister Korrie had her baby girl! She has 3 boys, so anticipation was building for a while to see what the gender was, and now we're just so excited to have her here!



Welcome to the world Macaylah Ashlyn Gillins! 9lbs 5oz, 20in long. She looks just like her big brother Jon. She's just perfect and beautiful! She also makes the 8th girl of now 15 nieces and nephews. I'm excited for a new baby to cuddle when I visit.

My sister Kristy is due in just a couple more weeks, and Kelli has about 6 more weeks to go! Wow! On top of that, I'm getting married in 13 weeks!

To make this wonderful weekend even better, Cory drove down from Alpine just to see me. I got almost 8 hours with him. I love him SO much! He just does the nicest things for me.

Last little note, Cory and I are finally taking our engagement pictures tomorrow. Legitimately. I'll keep you posted... and maybe post some.

Enjoy your week!