Everything Changes

Ever have one of those days where it seems, even for just a moment, that your whole world is turned upside down? I think everyone at some point has one, or several.
Well, last night was one of those moments. Granted, it didn't change my life necessarily, but it really changed the way I see people.

To back it up a little, I struggle with anxiety and depression. It's not horrible, but there are definitely some days that are worse than others. Last night there was an incident at work that threw me into the worst anxiety attack of my life. (I've had more than my share anxiety attacks where I felt like I was going to die. This wasn't one of those, but for some reason, I think because it was essentially induced, it felt worse... like I was stabbed in the chest several times and there was a big gaping hole.) I think it probably scared me so much because I've never experienced many of these symptoms.

I went into one of the back rooms at work to try to compose myself before I got hysterical, but I just couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened to me. I couldn't breathe and I started to cry, which of course, led to hyperventilating. I think it was the excess oxygen in my body that made my hands, legs, and ears (I know, right?) go completely numb. I couldn't stand. I felt like I was going to throw up. Thankfully I didn't. Eventually I had to just lie on the floor. Gasping for air, sobbing, and trembling. I'm sorry if anyone in, or approaching the ticket office heard any of it. That couldn't have been fun for you either.

Fortunately, I have a wonderful boss who did everything he could to make sure I was okay. President Uchtdorf came to the concert I was working, and he even missed greeting him, which I think was my fault. I didn't get to greet him either though, which I could have had I been upright and composed. Well, my boss was supposed to leave to take care of his kids right after the performance began, but he didn't leave (for almost another 30 minutes) until I was obviously going to be okay.

Another blessing is that Cory was there too. (One of the greatest things about my job are all the wonderful people I work with.) I called him in on the radio and he was immediately at my side, on the floor, stroking my back, hair, face, trying to get me to breath normally, and just saying sweet things. As many almost brides do, I've been panicking about getting married... if I'm even actually ready to get married despite how much I love this man, and this whole thing gave me an opportunity to see just how my future husband is going to be by my side through thick and thin, holding my hand, and supporting me any way he can.

I got home and told Lauren, my roommate, the whole thing, and she was by my side the whole night until I finally went to bed. I have the best friends ever.

I don't know if I'll be able to look at people at work the same. If they'll be able to look at me the same. My immediate concern is going to be focusing on finals this week. If I continue to sleep like last night, it's going to be difficult. At least I got out of bed this morning, right? All I really know is that the world is an interesting place full of interesting people, and they never behave as you anticipate. I'm still a little shaken up. I've been crying at... well, nothing, but I think everything is going to be fine. I'm hoping/thinking soon works for me.