Let's Give Them Something to Talk About

It's that time of year again. The time where all over campus, we are reminded to visit our bishops and renew our ecclesiastical endorsements. Every year there seems to be a fashion trend that tries to push the honor code boundaries. Some debate the moustaches of the past year that seem to dawn the faces of many a gentleman. Dress and grooming standards give guidelines on moustaches, so as long as they're within the standard, I won't complain. Even though I find them less than flattering on most. However, I do have a gripe against what seems to have been a trend in women's fashion for over a year now. I'm shocked that nothing effective has been done already.

"Clothing is inappropriate when it is sleeveless, strapless, backless, or revealing; has slits above the knee; or is form fitting. Dresses, skirts, and shorts must be knee-length or longer."

Have you guessed what style I wish BYU would crack down on? That's right, my friends. Leggings and opaque tights passing as pants. I have no problem when they're worn underneath knee-length skirts or shorts. They can still be modest when worn according to the honor code standards. But that's not how they're being worn. I understand girls trying to make those short dresses and shorts and long shirts more modest. I'm sorry, but wearing skin tight faux pants doesn't cut it.


In Young Women's, I remember my teachers saying time and time again that one day we're going to be making temple covenants and that we should dress now (modestly) so that when that time comes, it won't be a shock and we won't have to change our entire wardrobes. I have noticed some women on campus still wearing these styles after making these covenants. You can see their garments! If you are truly dressing modestly, you shouldn't be able to see them. Not only that, but the dress and grooming standards explicitly state that form fitting clothes, and dresses and skirts above the knees are inappropriate. We live in Provo. The industry here knows that modest clothes sell. They provide fashionable clothes that fit into our standards. So let's buy those.

So why are girls still wearing this style on campus without any qualms? Why are men turned away that the testing center if they forgot to shave that morning, and women are still allowed to enter with leggings and dresses barely covering their rears? The mystery remains. Is there a double standard? Or has it just not been noticed because it's so popular? I remember, maybe it was almost two years ago now, at the beginning of the school year, a statement from administration was made against leggings. Apparently it didn't do much to dissuade women from breaking honor code. If that didn't work, what can be done?

Even still, girls attending EFY on BYU's campus are sent back to dorms to change if they come out in the morning wearing leggings or opaque tights without something knee-length over them. How can the women of BYU set a proper example to these girls when we are doing just the opposite of what they are taught? Let's step it up ladies. Put on a pair of big girl pants and prove to the world we follow our own standards.

My Funny Valentine

I had just about the most wonderful Valentine's Day I've ever had, ever. There was nothing too spectacular. I mean, there were no hot air balloon rides, or jewelry, or home-cooked meal. BUT! There was a beautiful candlelight dinner while watching the sunset. Just lovely. It was very cute.

Cory came over when he was finished with classes. Thinking we had some kind of dinner reservation (I'm not sure where in Provo you'd end up with one of those), he told me we were running late, so I tried to hurry a bit. We get into his car and start driving. We're driving for a while... into the mountains... and I'm thinking, "where on earth are we going?" We pull up to the "Y" entrance and park. Then I think, "uh... Cory, you're not gettin ANY action, if that's your plan." Okay, we all know Cory a little better than that. So we stop, he gets out of the car and pops his trunk.

After leaving me in the car and making a few trips, suddenly, in his car, we have a lovely candlelit (battery-operated, mind you... it would be a fire hazard otherwise) dinner with sparkling cider and flowers. It was really sweet. And I'm not a romantic. Not really in the least. I laugh at mushy, sweet things. I don't know why. Maybe some day I'll get used to it.

We finished a delicious dinner, watching the sunset (NOT the sunrise, LAUREN!), and went to see Unstoppable in the dollar theater. There isn't much worth seeing in the "normal" theaters right now, and neither of us had seen it. I recommend it!

It was very sweet. For him, I took his wedding band in a week or so ago to get it engraved. I know, not as cool as a candlelight dinner... but I do what I can.


I also thought I might share my little Valentine's Day surprise.

My roommate, Lauren, is single. I am not. I know what it's like to be single on Valentine's Day. And poor Lauren was feeling especially down this year. So I picked up a few little trinkets and brought them down to the basement of the library where she works. I left the few little trinkets with the guys that were working that shift and told them, as long as she received them in tact, they could do what they want with them. Which, I found out when I returned from my wonderful date, included hiding different items in EACH of the lockers with signs and love notes. It was awesome. Lauren suspected me, as I knew she would, so I bluffed. She freaked out that it might have been a boy that walked her to class one day. Finally, I fessed. She was relieved. We had a laugh. Better yet, she had a good night.

Happy Valentine's Day to you all!

We're Looking for Something Fun to Do

I got a nice little collection of websites from my mom to help me find wedding favors, cake toppers, ect. Since I can't find a SINGLE thing I like. Mint tins... cute, but, eh. Bubbles... no. Picture frames are a really cute idea, but I personally never use the little ones I have. Little boxes of candy... well, that's doable, but for one of my sisters' weddings, I ended up assembling ALL of her tiny little clear plastic boxes and tying a thousand little ribbons around them. It wasn't horrible or anything, but just not my cup of tea. Of course I was happy to do it though. I was excited to have some responsibility in the whole thing. Plus, for some reason I really enjoy things that should be done in assembly line fashion. AND, here's the kicker, she wanted little M&Ms in all of these boxes to match her wedding colors. Totally doable since I lived in Vegas at the time and the M&M store is just downtown. Yeah... I took a couple trips. It was fun feeling important.

So after scouring these websites (which was done in free time, not study time... although all time probably should be study time...) I finally saw a few things I actually liked. Success! Well... it will be TRUE success if Cory likes them and approves. I will have you know that he DOES have an opinion, he shares it, and he WANTS to be involved. A blessing and burden. I'm glad he's this way, but sometimes it would just be easier if he didn't care. Most of the time it would be harder if he didn't care. I prefer him this way. Oh, did I get distracted? Of course, I did.

Here it is:

I love these cute little jars. And if you know me, I LOVE little jars. I'm thinking we could put candy in them, possibly a few with candles for those who don't eat candy.

Then here's this:

Similar, yes. But we could probably only fit candy... unless we got really clever. Oh! Maybe some flower seeds! I would end up tying a little navy ribbon around the top. Probably with the other glass jars too... just to be cute. (I know... I already mentioned the ribbon thing, but at least I'm not folding little plastic boxes on top of that!)

Those are my two ideas for favors that I like so far.
We wanted to find a topper of the Oquirrh Mountain temple, but they don't really make them. And I don't want to spend hundreds of dollars to have someone make one. And I don't really care for the people on top of the cake. We could always do flowers, but we could also do this:

Obviously not with "S & R" but you get the idea. We could have flowers on the cake... you get the idea.

In other words, we still have no idea what we're doing. But it's fun looking at things! Invitations are being ordered in a couple weeks. We'll send them out at the beginning of May. That means I should probably get crackin' on addresses and labels. Unless I print them directly on the envelope... hmm...
Again, no idea.

Thanks for listening to the rant.

Gotta Serve Somebody

I had the most wonderful morning today. The other day I found out that a wonderful woman from my mission was having an internship interview at BYU yesterday. I was very excited that she was in town and this morning she called to see if I wanted to meet up. I thought, "heck yes, I do!" And while I was already considering skipping my first class this morning (I know, shame on me...) this sold me. I didn't have anything else going on until 1pm. Why not?

We had a wonderful conversation about her interview, family, relationships, my engagement and fiance, and just about everything else. Plus she gave me a GIANT chocolate bar from Estonia (her home land). One thing she talked about really hit me.

I can't exactly remember what she called it, but it was something with service in the name. She talked about how couples serve one another. Their roles are equal. In a situation where the wife stays home, the husband goes out and works. The money he brings in can buy food, shelter, clothes, etc, serving the family. He can usually expect come home to a clean home and food for dinner. In this way the wife serves her husband. However, what the husband's income cannot buy is love, affection, intimacy, loyalty, etc. In order to acquire these things, he must give them to his wife. They share these things and serve one another in this way also. If he expects love, affection, and intimacy from his wife strictly by merit of his monetary income, his wife becomes nothing more than a prostitute. They equally contribute to the family and should acknowledge their service one to another. Love will grow and flourish.

I am so grateful for a man in my life who wants to share responsibility with me. Who wants to work to support his family. Who thanks me when I do kind things for him. Who understands how to love me perfectly. Who does kind things for me without being asked. Who talks conflicts though. Who keeps me calm and rational. Who has the faith of a saint. Who never expects more of me than I can do or be. Who wants to be a real father.

I'm also grateful for very wise friends who have the strength of a thousand (insert something really strong here cause I can't think of something that can do her justice).

Say Anything

In response to my last post:

I apparently offended a friend of mine with my last post. How do I know? They "de-friended" me on Facebook. I'll say it outright, I feel was really petty. Sad how our lives and friendships seem to revolve around Facebook these days. I'll admit my ridiculous fondness of Facebook. But that's not the point.

Here's how it is: I have a friend very troubled by a recent disappointment. I expressed my condolences but also stated my opinion that they shouldn't blame the institution(s) that let them down due to their policies. I, myself, have had a few let-downs by the same institution(s), and as much as I would love to point my finger and say I have been unduly wronged, I cannot. Especially when there is no guarantee of getting exactly what we desire. Each time we put ourselves out there, we place ourselves at risk for disappointment. That's life. It's a big part of life. In fact, probably one of the biggest parts of life. And it's up to us to learn how to cope with disappointment. Heck, we even have to learn how to deal appropriately with accomplishments and successes. Reacting to either in the wrong way has the same potential to be equally damaging.

I expressed this opinion with my friend, and they began to bash on the institution(s) that "let them down", and eventually went as far as to bash the church we both belong to. For me, that was too far. I didn't ever, until that moment, ever question this friend's faith or anything about them.

Some faiths or cultures believe that a life of disappointment and trouble is a sign of God's displeasure. I don't believe this. And I hope my friend doesn't believe this, because it's definitely not a general belief in our faith. The only reason I mention this is because they mentioned that this disappointment doesn't make them any less worthy (or less righteous) of anything God could bless them with. On this matter, I completely agree. And I don't believe, in any way, that anyone or anything was judging this friend based on their "worthiness". I personally will not judge a person's worthiness. It is not my place.

It is just my personal opinion that no one is out to "get" this friend, or anyone (unless you have some crazy person trying to kill you... or something like that). No one is sitting there thinking, "Today we are going to do all within our power to level So-and-So to the ground and make them feel like the lowest piece of junk the world could muster up... and we'll recruit other people and organizations to do the same!" And it is also my personal opinion that if you feel like that, only you can control or change it. Yes, many times our circumstances are completely out of our control. But no, it is not our circumstances that control how happy we are able to be, how successful, or kind, generous and loving we can be.

We, as a society, respect those who and rise above themselves. We tend not to respect those who refuse to change, refuse to see inside themselves, refuse to try something different when what they're doing isn't working. Pointing fingers does not make you happy. It may temporarily soothe your ego, but it cannot change your circumstances for the better. I've learned this lesson the hard way many, many times. I will probably continue to learn it again and again throughout my life.

If you want a new job, keep applying to new places. The economy is hard these days so don't get too caught up when you're not hired, even if you feel you should have been (unless it truly is for an illegal reason they didn't hire you... then you can be mad). When you apply, when you are interviewed, there is no guarantee you will be hired. There is always the chance that there is someone more suited for the position. The hard part is, you never know if there is someone better qualified. They don't tell you that part. So it's easy to be disappointed when you know that you are an excellent candidate. There are plenty of jobs I haven't been hired for... and I just don't know why.

If you want more friends or a better social life. Make it happen. Get out there and talk to people. We go to church - talk to people. We go to school - talk to people. We work - talk to them, and if you have a job where you can't, go with the other two. There are plenty of people in the world. If you want a social life, or to date people, don't sit on your but playing video games. Heaven knows that doesn't get you dates. No matter what your schedule is, you can still do things with people. Again, this I know. My freshman year of college I was going to school full time and worked 3 jobs. I understand crappy schedules. Even this year I'm a full time student with 2 jobs. I don't have a lot of time to go out and do things with people, but I make time. I plan ahead. Sometimes I sacrifice to make it happen. It can be done.

All in all, you can do anything if you put a little effort and positive attitude into it. It doesn't always work out perfectly (according to your expectations). But it CAN be done.

I am sad that my friend was upset by my opinions... and that other people agreed with me. It makes me sad that their life is so disappointing to them that they have become pessimistic and hopeless (at least that is how it seems). It makes me sad that they were so upset with my personal opinions (though I was sad for them and tried to support them in further efforts) that they decided they do not wish to associate with me any longer. We had a good friendship. I am sad to lose a friend. As I said in my previous post, I pray for them. I hope they can find happiness. I pray they can see the good in life, no matter how little it seems. I hope they can some day look at their life and see success.

Obviously this affected me more than I anticipated since I just went on a 2-hour rant about it. I cherish my friendships. But I also don't appreciate when people ruin friendships over lack of communication or don't allow their friends to be open enough with them, not allowing them to express their feelings.

I have another friend struggling with a million different things on their plate. We were able to sit down and talk about some of them. I was able to express my concern about their current relationship. It's not my place to judge other people, but I can choose who I want to be around. It is my place to express my concern for my friends' well-being. This friend appreciated my (and my roommate's) concern. We are still good friends. I appreciate the fact that they allowed me to speak openly and honestly with them.

I'm an opinionated person. It's something Cory appreciates about me. The important thing is that I share my opinions in love. Never with the intent to offend. But again, it saddens me when my concern for others offends them.

Those of you who are my friends despite my opinions and concern, or because of these things, thank you. You are true friends.

Get Up, Get Out

First of all, I have to say Cory is fantastic. I am so lucky. And luck really has so much to do with us being together.

Second of all, I gained almost all my pneumonia weight back on over Christmas. Not good. But! I found a really great exercise routine. It's kicking my butt, but it gets me moving. And so far this week, I've lost 2 lbs. Sweet! It probably also helps that I've been dancing 6 hours a week on top of that. Hopefully, if I keep this up for the next few months, I can get to the point where I just look awesome in my wedding dress. No rolls or lumps or anything to be found. Okay, so I look pretty good in it already, so I'm not too worried about how I look in my dress.

2 months have gone by so fast, but things are getting done just in time. We'll be ordering invitations next month so we can have time to finish collecting addresses and complete the grueling task of folding, stuffing, and addressing them.

Something else that has been on my mind is how much our attitude makes the difference. Most of you know my family's story. Many of you know my own personal story from the past several years. My life has not been the easiest to live. (I can't compare myself to anyone else, because we all have our own challenges that are probably equally difficult to cope with.) The point is, I know people who have had some huge challenges, and yet they remain faithful, strong, optimistic, confident that the Lord keeps his promises and everything will turn out well in the end. (They realize the "in the end" part isn't right this moment.) Others I know who have also have extremely difficult challenges mope. They languish and allow themselves to become hopeless. It's not the magnitude of the struggle that makes the difference. I can tell you that from experience. Especially when I've let those little things get the better of me, knowing that I've been through so much more, so much better. It really is all about perspective and how we approach these ugly challenges that stare us in the face all the time. I pray for those of you with challenges that seem to be too much, and I pray you may face them fearlessly. Get up, get out there, and make your life what it can be. I have faith I can do it, and if I can, you can.

Their Words Mostly Noises

Let me tell you a few things about BYU freshmen...

Some of them are wonderful, bright, funny, mature, and well-grounded.

Others, however, are just stupid.

I had such an encounter with this last type of freshmen this past Thursday. During a forum address by Condoleezza Rice, former Secretary of State. Fortunately my roommate got out of class early to save seats for Cory and me so we could attend the address in person. The down side to this is that a freshman girl was saving seats for her friends just behind ours.

This is how this went down: Cory and I found Lauren. As we approached our seats, this freshman had her feet on the back of my seat. It was obvious we were going to sit there since Lauren was talking to us and moving over for us. The freshman didn't get the clue and didn't move her feet until just before I tried to sit. Then, instead of sitting like a normal person, she slouched so far (she was short too, mind you) that her knees almost perfectly replaced where her feet were previously. I got to sit with her knees in my back. At least until she decided it wasn't comfortable for her.

Lauren began to tell us how glad she was we showed up when we did because ushers had just told her, and everyone else, to stop saving seats. It may have been announced, but I just assumed she was told by an usher. So as we were sitting there, once again, it was announced to move in to the center of the rows and stop saving seats. Shortly thereafter, an usher came to tell the girl to move her things off the extra seats, and she acted surprised. Oh yeah, we've all done it in an attempt to stay out of trouble while getting what we want. I don't entirely blame her... but still. It only makes the experience better.

Shortly thereafter, her friends showed up. Oh boy. Through the entire introduction of the Dr. Rice, these girls were texting and exclaiming, "how rude!" Along with mocking the boy who offered the opening prayer. I don't think this particular freshman was paying much attention to what was being said. I had a difficult time focusing since she was talking practically directly in my ear. Not whispering, mind you. My favorite comment she made was right after Dr. Rice spoke about the failing state of our K-12 educational system. The audience applauded in agreement, and the girl's comment was something along the lines of, "our education system is failing and we're applauding why?"

The thing that disturbs me more than her complete ignorance is that she wasn't taught, or completely ignored any lesson on etiquette. Any concept of social propriety was lost on her. Again, we all do this on occasion, I'm sure. You're in a movie theater and you laugh or talk more than necessary. But really, this is an opportunity of a lifetime for most, and you ruin it for not only yourself, but everyone else in hearing range.

Just tonight I received an email from my boss in the HFAC mentioning that prior to any musical performance, we need to announce that all electronic devices be turned off. Not just cell phones, but laptops, and we must specify that audience members, out of courtesy of the performers, should not text during the performance. Since when does this need to be said? And at BYU? Most of the culprits of these technological offenses are freshmen or sophomores. I rarely see a junior, senior, or grad student with their laptops or cell phones out during a performance.

After posting on facebook that the ARC wouldn't allow me to schedule a donation from my cell phone, a couple of my friends had a nice debate about cell phone etiquette and the need for technology. It's my personal belief that technology can be a blessing, and it has been. But with all good things, bad things happen. In this case, again, it has. It's time to step back to social propriety. Not in the PC way, but being considerate of the people in your surroundings. Put your cell phones and laptops away for just a few minutes or hours at a time. I've lived without mine, and you can too. They're convenient, but don't ruin life's experiences for everyone else around you. Please.