Know That We All Fall Down

I believe every cloud has a silver lining, right? Or at least they're supposed to... so they say. I think sometimes we get the silver lining before the cloud comes. And sometime we're supposed to see the wisdom and beauty in the cloud. (I happen to love clouds and taking pictures of the interesting things I see in them. This was a view from Arizona when I was working there last summer.) Well, this time I got my silver lining before the cloud came, and I think I'm starting to see the beauty within this particular cloud. I still don't understand all the reasoning behind its existence, but it's there, and now I need to figure out how I want to see it. (Enough of this cloud metaphor yet?)

Last week my roommate found me a job, and it's wonderful. I'm so entirely grateful to her, and my new boss for hiring me. It's a really easy job and I have time to do extra homework. It's pretty much the ideal situation as far as working goes.

Early last week I also got some things on my car repaired, courtesy of my mother. But then again, it's still technically her car and she's really good at keeping her cars in great shape. So the alignment is all nice and aligned and the practically dead tires have been replaced. I can drive with ease without blowing a tire and guzzling gas. All of this made for a very happy mood for me. Plus I got to spend the previous weekend at home with my dad on his birthday. All wonderful things.

Well, all good things apparently must end. Earlier this week I was thinking about the vacation my family has been planning since December for spring break so I could figure out what time I needed to request off work. April is coming up soon so I thought it reasonable to get the details. Well, somehow it turned out that I invited myself, need to pay for myself and suddenly I'm a burden on my family (okay, that last part isn't true, but it really felt like it). So, I decided not to go since it ended up being such a huge ordeal and made me feel really lousy. I couldn't really afford the gas+food+Disneyland ticket+anything else they decided to do anyway. It's just not feasible for me. Not now at least. Our family Disneyland vacation is just going to have to be Kayla-less.

Next, this past Saturday I found out a friend of mine made it into the program we both auditioned for. I realized since I hadn't found out yet that the outcome would probably not be good. I found out today that I was right. Which is fine. Disappointing, but fine...now. Ah, life.

To make matters just funny, I went to the gas station, for obvious reasons. I finished putting gas in my car, get in, put the key in the ignition, turn... and nothing. Oh, my car was putting forth a good effort, but nothing was happening. So in a fit of despair, I being to sob uncontrollably in my car and in the middle of a gas station. All the while, turning the key just praying it will start. After a few minutes of this, I call my dad. He's the person I call for everything. Seriously, even though he's hundreds of miles away and can't really do anything to help the situation physically, he's always been there to... well, listen. In this instance, laugh. I'm not kidding. He picks up the phone, I'm blubbering about my car, and he just starts to laugh. I'll admit, it's exactly what I needed because it got me to laugh too. It's just too ridiculous not to laugh. "It's just not your day," was his remark. Oh yes, it's true. Not my day.

Here's some more lining: earlier my dad suggested (since I didn't know what to do for the next year before I can re-audition) going into speech pathology and communication disorders. It's nice to know your parents think you'll actually be good at something. (Something I didn't really hear much... or ever growing up.) I looked it up and it's only a 51 credit major and I've already taken some of the classes. It would only take me 1 1/2 years to get my BA. By the time I re-audition, I'd be almost finished. And I realized this would be the perfect degree to help me with music ed. Think about it. Learning how the language-learning process works and how the mouth articulates would be ideal for teaching kids to sing. It seems like the perfect combination to me. Plus, with communication disorders, I can use my ASL and still get a degree in deaf studies. Yeah, I think I'm a little ambitious, but it can and will be done.

Today went from complete despair to hope and even excitement. Amazing how the Lord works and helps you figure things out, even through the seemingly traumatic trials. Boy I'm grateful for the gospel and faith. It sure makes life easier.

PS. My roommates have been really great through all of this. They deserve the Nobel Peace Prize WAY more than a certain president who hasn't done much to redeem this country from its fallen financial state.