There's One Who Knows You Perfectly

Let me start this out by saying today has been one of those half and half days. One of those days where I totally feel left out with my co-counselors, like my kids really didn't want anything to do with me (except for the one who almost refuses to leave my side, but not because she likes me necessarily), like I don't have much to offer, like I don't know what's going on, like I really want to call my dad (he was in Vegas this weekend but I didn't get to see him and I miss him so much) but I can't because he lives in Kansas and he's for sure in bed by the time I get the chance to call him at night, and one of those days where you tell yourself, "Okay, I know I'm not that attractive, but I'm still a good enough person on the inside." Yet, it was also one of those days full of tender mercies where I was able to feel like I connected with one of my youth, got to talk to and get to know a bunch of the deaf youth, helped others feel the Spirit, helped others find their way (physically and spiritually), helped one of my girls feel the desire to go to seminary next year, and felt as though I shared powerful testimony. It's these half and half days where, though I feel a little useless here and there, those very short moments of peace more than make up for the pain and sorrow. Though I know these things, the moments where I felt I did some good, were 1% me just being there and 99% the Lord.

I also found out today that a few of my kids struggle with some of the same things I do/have. Not sin-type things. Just situational things that they're struggling with. I am grateful for the moments where I feel like I am here for a reason. Where I know I'm supposed to be here. Those tiny moments of personal revelation. How grateful I am and I truly wish I had the words to express my feelings - but I don't. There aren't enough. They're not adequate. Only the Spirit can truly communicate for me how I feel.

One last experience: I had the opportunity to sing again this week. I got to sing "Let It Begin" from our CD this year. It's a beautiful song about repentance. I love it so much because I feel like that's where my testimony is - where it hits home the most. Not even with big sins, or sins at all. Mainly about turning to the Savior in all things. Part of the song says, 'There's one who knows you perfectly. He can take the hurt away. The healing starts within. Just let Him in and let it begin." It doesn't even matter the kind of hurt we're feeling. He can take it away because he knows how. Only he knows how because he is perfect and knows me perfectly through the Atonement. This is me feeling the song of redeeming love. Yes, I can feel it. And how grateful I am.