Everything Everything's Magic

It's only suiting that for my 50th post I announce something big, right? The question is what? Well... I suppose it could be that I'M ENGAGED!!! Oh yes. That's right. It's really real! I can hardly believe it. Actually, I'm still in a bit of shock. Like, completely unbelievable. You always believe (or hope might be more like it) that it will happen some day, but not think it will happen all at the same time.

You wanna know how it happened?

How about some background information so you actually understand all the significance behind everything.


Well, first of all, Cory wasn't supposed to talk to my dad until we went down for our family Christmas dinner. So this really was a huge shock. Second, ever since we started talking about getting married, Cory has been joking about Cracker Jack rings. You remember Cracker Jacks, don't you? That wonderful popcorn treat we all grew up with that always had a fun prize inside. Well, I would tell him it didn't matter if I even had a ring, but he insisted I needed one so everyone knew we were engaged, even if it were from a Cracker Jack box. I told him that even all he could afford were a Cracker Jack ring, I would still say yes. Then we went ring shopping one day and I fell in love with this ring. He would then go on and on about how he might not be able to afford the ring I loved. Which set me up to believe I wouldn't end up with that ring, but that I would still love whatever ring he found.

So this is how it actually happened. A couple weeks ago Cory mentioned that he needed to go up to Temple Square for an organ recital sometime this semester and asked if I'd like to join him. Of course any opportunity to go anywhere with him I would make the time. Then we decided the Wednesday before Thanksgiving would be a good day since we wouldn't be working and there's no school. Perfect. Then my sister calls up and asks if I'd like to watch her kids for her ultrasound appointment. This was a big one where they would be checking to see if her twins had two placentas... etc. This was the perfect opportunity for Cory to come up and meet my sister, which we've been trying to plan for months, but either she or I was always sick. We're all finally healthy and we would be up there anyway. Perfect again. (He also got me to think that we'd be ring shopping still while we were up there... sneaky.)

I went up to my sister's Tuesday night to try to avoid the storm that was coming. It was great since everything was canceled that night and I got to leave earlier. I stayed overnight and watched my sister's kids in the morning. Kelli came back and Cory came about 5 minutes later. Just as we got to his car, he's telling me how he found the best thing at the gas station next to my sister's house, but that he would show me later.We left for Temple Square and while the ice still on the road almost killed us, we made it to the recital a few minutes late. I was still thinking we'd be in Salt Lake for a while, so I asked what else we were going to do. We walked around Temple Square for a few minutes and out of no where, as we're next to the main entrance, Cory asks if I've ever been on a carriage ride at Temple Square. No, not here, I haven't been on a carriage ride at Temple Square. So he says okay, let's go. Well, it wasn't quite "let's go" but that's about the gist of it.

There we were on this beautiful carriage ride. It's freezing cold from the storm the night before. There's snow on the ground. It's gorgeous. And we're at Temple Square. Beautiful. So he pulls it out. This surprise he found at the gas station. There it was. 2 boxes of Cracker Jacks. I laugh. Of course. Because that's what I do. When sweet, romantic things happen, I laugh. Romantic, right? I gave him fair warning that I laugh. He should have foreseen this. There we are, enjoying our Cracker Jacks. I put my hand in the box and find the wonderful prize that comes in every box.
It was a plastic ring. Like one from a Cracker Jack box. His prize was a ring too, but his was pink and mine was blue. So we swapped. Well, really, he jokingly (in my mind) proposed with this Cracker Jack ring, which I thought was funny and cute. And I laughed. Again, it's what I do. This whole time, I'm just thinking it's some lovely coincidence.

Then we get to Memorial Grove, which neither of us had been to before. The carriage driver, the super nice guy that he was, mentioned that we would have to turn around soon and he would need us to step out for a minute to make it easier on the horse. I thought this was kind of strange, but, okay, I'll go with it. We hop out for just a second and walk over to this cute little bridge over a little river. So we start talking a little bit and he asks if I liked my ring and proposal. I thought it was cute. Then he asks if he should try again to do it properly. I'm oblivious and say no, that the first time was perfect. Then he says he really should, pulls out a box and gets down on one knee... in the snow. Wow. I'm thinking, and probably saying, "yes!... what?... really?... of course!... really?" Holy cow, did this just happen? He gets back up, pulls out his camera, we snap a few pictures along the way back, and wow. I'm engaged. Well, we're engaged.

Shortly thereafter I'm making all sorts of phone calls and sending texts left and right. But not before a little side trip over a dirt road trying to get back to my sister's. Best adventure ever! Especially since it was next to a swamp, a dump, and a wildlife preserve. Perfect! I couldn't have asked for a more perfect
engagement/proposal!

This is what I found out shortly thereafter:
Lauren, my roommate, gave him my dad's phone number one day when I accidentally left my phone in the apartment. Nice initiative, Lauren!
He called my dad a week ago (or thereabouts) when he wasn't supposed to until Dec 18th.
He ordered an entire case of Cracker Jacks since you can't find them anywhere anymore.
He somehow opened the bottom of the box and got the rings in there.
He called to set up the carriage ride ahead of time. Apparently they don't normally have them except in the evenings.
He bought the ring the day after we went ring shopping weeks ago!
My mom knew about it before I did.

It was wonderful. I am marrying the man I love. My family loves him. He pulled this off without a hitch, and without me suspecting a single thing! Oh, and I got the ring I fell in love with!

Just perfect.

And he was brilliant enough to bring his camera. What a smart boy.

Train this Chaos, Turn it into Light

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel so much better... and so much worse about yourself all at the same time? Well, I have. It happens a lot more than I'd like to admit.
So there I was at church today. Not my ward. I slept in. A frequent occurrence these days. And honestly, with last night being the exception, it's not because I stay up too late. I'm sorry, but when your body hates you, all you want to do is sleep. Sometimes I let myself. Last night I just stayed up too late because my wonderful boyfriend took me to see the new Harry Potter after work. And when I say "after work" we're talking 11pm since I was working a 3-hour play. And I saw Joanna... and old mission comp. I digress. Completely. So I slept in and went to a later ward because I slept in to sleep, not to miss church. So there I was in this ward I've never been to before and this girl sits down next to me. Cute girl. Had her cell phone in hand the entire meeting... which annoys me, but that's her choice. And her guy friend two chairs down was talking to her and their other friend the entire meeting. Again, I digress. So we're sitting there, and as we're beginning the second hymn, she looks over to me and says, "you have such a beautiful voice." What do I say to this? "Thank you." was the only reply I could muster. It took me off guard. Actually, this has happened several times. And yet, I still don't know what to say. I've never thought of myself as having an exceptionally beautiful voice. I don't. I just like to sing, so I try to do it well enough so those around me aren't screaming out in agonizing pain. A kind gesture, I think. But I thought for just a moment, maybe I do have a pretty decent voice. She brought it up a couple more times in the course of Sacrament meeting, so I think she was sincere. And that made me feel pretty good.
Then, right after I got home, I get a call from our new ward music chair asking me to sing in a women's trio for the Christmas program because I have a lovely voice and can harmonize. Wow. It's been a great day for my voice.
And then there's the part where I'm feeling not so great about myself. Which also happens... on a semi-regular basis. The talks in Sacrament meeting were wonderful. The RS President was speaking on the Atonement. She was talking about how sometimes she feels like she should feel justified in misery because her righteous desires aren't all being fulfilled. But then she says something along the lines of, "it's hard to make a woman miserable when she knows the Savior and His Atonement." Then I got to thinking about my misery. While I, by no means, consider myself miserable (I have wonderful things happening in my life, for which I have every reason to rejoice and be grateful), I'm not entirely as happy as I easily could be. And this could explain, in part, why I've been such a jerk to my closest friends lately. But the beauty in it all: I can change. And I'm determined to do just that. Not as some kind of New Year's resolution. Why wait that long and remain in my state of less-than-perfect joy? I can change it now. And I will. And it will make me a better person, I will be happier, Cory will be happier (I'm sure), and life will just be better.
That is my little rant for the day.

Here It Goes Again

Here we go again. My first set of ulcers just healed a week ago. Then my doc say to try to wear my contacts again. So two days of this week I wear my contact and my eyes are tired. Then, yesterday, I notice these little cloudy gray patches on my cornea. I could see it this time because it was on top of the iris. I thought to myself, "oh no. Cloudy means cataracts." And then I quickly remembered that cataracts are on the lens of the eye, not the cornea. Whew! But then, what the heck? So I talk to my roommate's dad, since it's late and he's an optometrist. Handy, right? Then I call to make an appointment with my optometrist at his recommendation.

Lo and behold, once again, I have corneal ulcers. So this is how my semester has gone: Pneumonia, Corneal ulcers, Cold, Corneal ulcers. Not the best bill of health this year. But I guess it's better than being a single, knocked-up teenager. Right? I'll take my lot. Fortunately this go around we caught them a LOT faster, so hopefully they'll heal faster. And my doc says he's never seen someone get ulcers one after another like this. I'm an anomaly! "You just have to be unique, don't you?" was his reaction. So here I am again, sitting with one eye dilated, taking tons of drugs.

I count my blessings though. We caught it quickly. I have a loving, kind, generous boyfriend who seems to want to stick around even though I'm falling apart. I have fallen in love again when I didn't really think it was entirely possible. I have a family who loves me. My classes are going relatively well. I aced my anatomy quiz and genealogy midterm. Winter is coming. My roommates care about me, even though my health and other issues are probably really annoying by now. Emily is getting MARRIED and invited me to the sealing. I have the BEST friends. And life is just plain good. Most importantly, I have the Gospel. I can't ask for much more.

It's Not As Easy As Willing It All To Be Right

I've made a discovery. Here it is: Life is hard. I can already hear you saying, "Yes Kayla, very good. Life is hard. Idiot!" Or something along those lines. Okay, yes. I've known for a while that life is hard. Sometimes we're oblivious to its difficulty. Many time's we're very aware. Yes, life is hard. But it doesn't have to be miserable, and we don't have to make it harder for ourselves. I must say, though, that I am very grateful for the little events and the people in my life that make life's hardships a little less obvious. Amidst the midterms, homework, concerts, work, studying, cleaning, cooking, laundry, and trying so hard to maintain my already limited health, there is always someone or something nearby to shine a little glimmer of hope in to the bleak darkness. So thank you to whomever needs to be, or should be thanked.

Also, I have some wonderful news. My regular readers, namely, my sisters, already know. But for those of you who care about me well enough to read my useless rantings on a semi-regular basis, you will know shortly. At least I hope shortly. How's that for a teaser?... Nevertheless, there will be news at some future date. It will be good news. And we will all rejoice together.

You Are the Best One of the Best Ones

I've been hearing, "Finally!" quite a bit the past couple days. Yeah, I kind of feel that way too. I was thrown for a bit of a loop last weekend, but "finally" Cory told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. Now you all know, and we can celebrate. The only reason we say "finally" is because we've been dating non-exclusively or unofficially for the past 2 months or so.

So for those of you who don't know... here's the story:

We met at work back in March. He was dating Kim (whom I adore and speak to often... but it's not weird at all, I promise). I was still dealing with the Eddie break-up fiasco. However, because we worked together, we talked a lot. I thought he was attractive, but he was dating Kim and I was dealing with Eddie. During spring term I heard rumor that Kim and Cory broke up, and while I felt bad for him, I was also a little happy. Just a little bit. You know how we girls can be. But then I left work for the summer for EFY and we didn't see each other for... the whole summer.

So there I was one day, manning the crosswalk to get to the dorms, preventing EFY kids from leaving campus, when there he was. Cory. He was going to class and I was just standing around bullying EFY kids. He was about 15 minutes early to class and stopped to chat. Boy did that brighten my day (uh... this was about when the pneumonia was setting in). Then he had to leave, as to not be late for anatomy.

I didn't see Cory for a couple more weeks. Not until Education week when I went back to work at my normal campus job. And there he was... all week. Better yet, I was promoted and now we had the same title. So I got to see him even more. I think our first unofficial date was me asking him out to ice cream one of the Ed Week nights. I make no promises that this is true though. But I think it is. Then again the next week after we both auditioned for choirs. Then every week (not always ice cream) since then, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week, except for the one week when he went home.

There were a few weeks where I was really frustrated because, though we were going out, nothing was happening. But then I realized if I wanted something to happen, I had to make it happen. Proactivity. It's not a real word, but it's a good thing. So, here we are. I have a boyfriend. After 10 months of being single, I have a boyfriend. And a wonderful one at that! Of his own free will too!

My favorite thing: he doesn't think I'm completely crazy. And if secretly he does, he likes it.

He's very patient with me. Very understanding on my hard days. Especially since, right when I'm starting to feel healthy, some crazy thing comes up to knock me down. He helps me with my homework instead of trying to distract me from it (like I have done intentionally to him... and he's okay with that). I feel completely secure with him. We want the same things. He's taller than me (added bonus for those who know)! He makes me want to be better without me feeling bad about myself. He is genuine and genuinely good. And he makes me laugh so hard sometimes, and doesn't mind when it's at him. My parents like him (which is a real treat)! I'm excited to see him every day, even when it's for 5 minutes, which is never enough. He makes me happier than I've ever been with a guy. Best bonus of all: he's not afraid to be seen with me.

What a good man, right? Definitely the best one of the best ones.

Most recent blog about a boy complete.

This is My Game Face

Okay, so maybe it's not quite like this. I'm not black. I don't have a mustache. I don't have a beard. I have hair. And my nose isn't that wide. But it's close. Squinty eyes. Kind of snarly. Except the right side of my lip is more lateral than vertical. So this is my game face. For now. Hopefully not for long.

Let me tell you why my face is the way it is. I just found out today! After a week of severe eye pain and sensitivity, I got in to see my optometrist. Sure, there's a long waiting time, but the man is good at what he does. So there I was. They take all the standard exams prior to actually seeing the doctor, including the bane of my existence; the eye pressure test. You know the one. You stick your chin on the chin strap. Brace yourself. They tell you to open your eyes as wide as you can. You start to shake in anticipation. They tell you to look at the blinking green dot in front of you. Still shaking. You blink a couple of times and without warning BAM! You pull back from the shock of having air shot into your eye. It might be just as bad as actually being shot in the eye. Maybe.

After this seemingly endless corporeal punishment, I finally see the doctor. Within a few minutes of examination he tells me, "you have one very unhappy eye." What does that mean? But I agree. Because, well, yeah, it hurts like heck. So then he tells me I have an ulcer. "A what?" That's right. An ulcer. I didn't even know you could get those in your eye. But no wonder it hurts so bad. So we figure out that it was probably bacteria that traveled up through my blood stream and infested, eating away at my eye. Sound gross? Well, that's because it is. At least we can treat it.

So now I'm on a daily regimen of antibiotics in eye-drop form. I use them every 2 hours. And I have some gel that I use 4 times a day... I don't know what it's for, but who am I to argue? AND I get to keep my eyes dilated for the next 5 days. Yep, I've got the drops for that too. Meaning it's sunglasses for me... a lot. Which is funny because I can't wear my contacts and I can't wear my glasses and my sunglasses. So I'm blind in the dark. People saying hello to me at school must feel shafted because I recognize the voice and the direction it's coming from, but I have no idea where they are. So instead of flailing around trying to find them, I say hi, no attempt at eye contact, and walk on.

Fortunately I'm finished with all but one my midterms (anatomy included) and one quiz.

And if you see me on campus, or anywhere else, and my face looks a little like the guy above, don't worry. I still love you. I just can't see you and my eye hurts.

Under the Willow I Breathe A Prayer

We just finished the BYU Homecoming Spectacular. It was so much fun. Absolutely fantastic. We sing this beautiful piece that is by far my favorite. I don't feel like I've sung a song so beautiful in a long time. I think much of that has to do with the message and the spirit.

Under the willow she's laid with care
Sang a lone mother while weeping,
Under the willow with golden hair,
My little one's quietly sleeping.

Fair, fair, and golden hair
Sang a long mother while weeping.
Fair, fair, and golden hair,
Under the willow she's sleeping.

Under the willow no song is heard
Near where my darling lies dreaming;
Naught but the voice of some far off bird
Where life and its pleasures are beaming.

Under the willow I breathe a prayer
Longing to linger forever
Near to my angel with golden hair,
In lands where there's sorrowing never.


It seems like each performance Sister Applone gives us something to think about. This time she asked us to think about where the mother in this song turns from grieving to hope, then what this mother might be praying for.

One girl made the comment that the only thing this mother might have left in her is this prayer. Her grief is so overwhelming that she can only breathe this prayer, knowing that the Lord will still hear it from her heart.

I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. But I imagine this mother, stricken with grief, not praying for her child. No. I think this mother has more faith than to pray for the welfare of her daughter's soul. I imagine her praying for the strength to continue. Not to move on necessarily. But to have the courage to leave her child's side, to continue in her life, and to live in such a way as to be worthy to return to her precious, golden-haired daughter.

My thoughts then turn to my relationship with my Father. I wonder if I have that same determination to return to Him. I wonder if I longed to linger forever with him. When I sing this song with the choir, I don't imagine myself as a grieving mother. I picture myself with my Father. What it might feel like if I return on Judgment Day unable to live with him. Longing to linger with him. Deep in my heart I breathe a prayer for that same strength, courage, and determination I will need in this life to return to him so I don't have to experience facing him knowing I can't stay. I am far from perfect. I know where I need to be and I want to be there. I'm working for it. Hopefully, for now, it is enough.

Oh yes, L. Tom Perry was at the Spectacular front and center tonight. That was pretty amazing.