Train this Chaos, Turn it into Light

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel so much better... and so much worse about yourself all at the same time? Well, I have. It happens a lot more than I'd like to admit.
So there I was at church today. Not my ward. I slept in. A frequent occurrence these days. And honestly, with last night being the exception, it's not because I stay up too late. I'm sorry, but when your body hates you, all you want to do is sleep. Sometimes I let myself. Last night I just stayed up too late because my wonderful boyfriend took me to see the new Harry Potter after work. And when I say "after work" we're talking 11pm since I was working a 3-hour play. And I saw Joanna... and old mission comp. I digress. Completely. So I slept in and went to a later ward because I slept in to sleep, not to miss church. So there I was in this ward I've never been to before and this girl sits down next to me. Cute girl. Had her cell phone in hand the entire meeting... which annoys me, but that's her choice. And her guy friend two chairs down was talking to her and their other friend the entire meeting. Again, I digress. So we're sitting there, and as we're beginning the second hymn, she looks over to me and says, "you have such a beautiful voice." What do I say to this? "Thank you." was the only reply I could muster. It took me off guard. Actually, this has happened several times. And yet, I still don't know what to say. I've never thought of myself as having an exceptionally beautiful voice. I don't. I just like to sing, so I try to do it well enough so those around me aren't screaming out in agonizing pain. A kind gesture, I think. But I thought for just a moment, maybe I do have a pretty decent voice. She brought it up a couple more times in the course of Sacrament meeting, so I think she was sincere. And that made me feel pretty good.
Then, right after I got home, I get a call from our new ward music chair asking me to sing in a women's trio for the Christmas program because I have a lovely voice and can harmonize. Wow. It's been a great day for my voice.
And then there's the part where I'm feeling not so great about myself. Which also happens... on a semi-regular basis. The talks in Sacrament meeting were wonderful. The RS President was speaking on the Atonement. She was talking about how sometimes she feels like she should feel justified in misery because her righteous desires aren't all being fulfilled. But then she says something along the lines of, "it's hard to make a woman miserable when she knows the Savior and His Atonement." Then I got to thinking about my misery. While I, by no means, consider myself miserable (I have wonderful things happening in my life, for which I have every reason to rejoice and be grateful), I'm not entirely as happy as I easily could be. And this could explain, in part, why I've been such a jerk to my closest friends lately. But the beauty in it all: I can change. And I'm determined to do just that. Not as some kind of New Year's resolution. Why wait that long and remain in my state of less-than-perfect joy? I can change it now. And I will. And it will make me a better person, I will be happier, Cory will be happier (I'm sure), and life will just be better.
That is my little rant for the day.