Much Like Falling

It took me a few days to figure it out, but I discovered that for the past while I've been in quite a funk. Again. The good news is that school is almost over for me for the year. I have one final left on Wednesday and a 20-page essay on pharmaceutical abuse due Thursday. Then I'm done and it's off to EFY. The term has flown by so quickly, and thank goodness too. Last week I started to panic because the end was closing in so soon and there will still SO many things to finish. Then, one by one, I started to get things done . . . at the expense of a clean bedroom. The end became far less daunting at the end of last week. But still, I've noticed myself pushing people away again. I want to be near them, but not too close. I want them at my comfort level. Not theirs. Not really willing to reach a happy medium either. It got pretty bad, and then I wrapped myself in a book of my own choice finally . . . not school's. I forgot my world and absorbed The Hunger Games, which was fabulous. Both of them. Until I was finished and once again found myself in a funk, not wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be near anyone either. Not knowing what to do. Not wanting to do anything but cry. Then my dad's Father's Day gift came in the mail and it clicked. That's probably a reason why I've been in a funk the past while. My dad is officially in Kansas. He's going to be back in Vegas occasionally, but since I'll be working EFY, I won't see him any of the weekends he'll be home this summer. Unless, by chance, he comes up here for Education Week, but that's unlikely since he just started a new job and, knowing my dad, won't want to take that much time off. It's for the best. I know. But I can't help but be saddened by the idea of not seeing my dad for so long. Yes, it's obvious I'm a daddy's girl. For good reason too. But that doesn't really matter. I'm here alone. My sisters are lucky. They have their own families to take care of. I don't. I'm sure eventually it will all settle and I'll be functional without being overly funk-tional. Ha. Get it? It might take a while. It will probably last until Father's Day. At least, I wouldn't be surprised if it did. But I'll try to work my way out of it before then. That's the goal at least. After that, I'll have EFY to occupy my mind and energies. And I'll be forced to be up all the time. Thank goodness for EFY.

The other good news. Despite my world being flipped and tossed around this term, I may get lucky and pull out A's from all 5 of my classes. I'm not sure about my advanced writing course because there hasn't been much feedback generally. The other 4 I'm fairly certain I have an A. It's possible one could be an A-. Either way, I'm glad I didn't get too distracted, being the only one of my roommates taking classes this term, from pretty much everything that really would have pulled me out of focus. I'm considering this a tender mercy for sure.