See I'm Trying to Find My Place and It Might Not Be Here Where I Feel Safe

I haven't posted in a couple weeks. I'm sorry. I'm not going to try to give you all my excuses, but let's just say I've been extremely busy and posting is the last thing I had on my mind. School has been crazy, and while there has been a lot of chaos, there have been a ton of things to cause me to rejoice. Last weekend my roommates threw me a wonderful birthday party. So many people came and it made me feel so good to realize how many friends I actually have. My friend, Nick, came all the way up from St. George to visit me (well, his family in SLC too). I was so shocked. I'm glad he came. Not that we've ever had any problems, but we had an opportunity to clear some things up that make me feel better about our relationship (and my future relationships with men).

Okay, boys are another issue. I've had a small handful coming after me lately and I just don't know what to do about it. I have realized that I'm definitely not capable of being in an actual relationship. I was kind of hoping I would be. I feel too broken still. Not because of Eddie, mind you. I'm over him. I've always had this fear of abandonment. This and my lack of social understanding has proved me a key target for heartbreak and being taken advantage of. I don't think all men are out to hurt me. In fact, I know they're not. I think I'm just especially susceptible. The problem is sometimes I let it happen. For no reason other than I just want to feel close to someone (natural, yes?) and I don't know how all this is really supposed to work. Luckily, I have changed a lot in the past several years and I'm no longer dating dirt bags who are only out to get what they want without consideration for how it may affect me. (No, I never did anything really stupid, luckily.) Now I just let them into my heart, let them play with it and when they're done ripping it to shreds, walk away. When it comes to the boys pursuing me, I let them come for a while, freak out, and run away... very quickly, and tend to leave them heartbroken. Sometimes I'm willing to see where it may lead. Then run away. I don't think it's wrong to be afraid. And I feel like the right person for me is the one who I will not be afraid with. I might not know it right away, but I'm pretty sure I'll know when I feel safe, confident, loved, understood, and comfortable. I have only felt that once before, and not even in my own family. While I'm still terrified... and completely clueless, I'm confident that one day it will be my turn to find that someone. In the mean time, I can be happy knowing who I am and doing what makes me happy, feel safe, and confident, and discovering new things about the world.

In other good news, a couple my companion and I reactivated on our mission is having a baby. Finally! They have been married for 10 years and haven't been able to have children because of cancer. But now they're pregnant! What an incredible tender mercy of the Lord.

Lastly, school is almost over for the term. 2 more weeks and a ton of work to do. Then it's off to EFY. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I'm sure it will be great.

Well, I guess one last thing.

Remember when I mentioned that my dad got a job several weeks ago?

Yes, well, he's finally moving this week. Somehow someone convinced him to go the extra 3 hours out of his way to come visit us here in Utah on his way to Kansas. I'm happy to see my dad this week, but it's bittersweet knowing that he'll be so far away. When I go to Vegas he won't be there anymore. Our family has always had an interesting story. This is just another chapter to that story.

I realized again today that I've been alive longer than my parents have been married to each other.

Most kids can't say that when their parents are currently married. I'm praying that this doesn't tear us apart. We've come so far in the past 4 years. I can't deny I'm scared. No, scared is too mild a word. I don't know how to describe it. My dad and I have always been pretty close. I'm the youngest in the family and the only one (minus my oldest brother who doesn't want them) without kids or their own family to care for. I love my dad very much and it's going to be very difficult for him to be so far away. I will miss him. At least he has a job again though. I'm grateful for that.

Oh, the last little bit of news: before I went south for my birthday I had lost 9 of the 10 lbs I wanted to lose before my birthday. After that weekend, I gained 7 of them back. Sick, right? We ate really good food though... no excuse. I know. But I've decided I need something more to work toward, so I signed up for a 5k this weekend. Crazy. I am not a runner. By any means. But for the past week or so I've started to add running to my normal exercise routine again. And I'm back to -8 lbs. Two more till my 10 lb mark and another 15 after that to really hit my goal. I'm hoping to get that done by the end of the summer... or sometime mid fall. Pray I don't die on this 5k!

One Year Older and Wiser Too (perhaps)

Well, I survived another year. Good for me. Now I'm another year older. This past year has taught me quite a bit. I won't go into that now, but I'm sure some of you are interested in how this year's birthday festivities have gone off. I'm happy to oblige you.

Celebrations started quite early. At least much earlier than usual. Some celebrate the week or even the entire month of their birth. I've never really had that privilege. This year came close. I decided to go home for my birthday this year. Yes, I was home just a few weeks ago, but I didn't have time to run to the DMV then, and my drivers license expired yesterday... so I kind of had to go this weekend also. This meant I wasn't going to be in Provo to celebrate with all my friends. Sad day. Nate asked me if we could have dinner for my birthday on Thursday before I left. He still hadn't used his service auction winnings of a free steak dinner with the Reeses (Bro. Reese is in the bishopric). So I was invited to escort him and it was delicious. He even brought me flowers. Very sweet, right?

Friday I was driving home and another friend from the ward asked me to lunch before I left. So we went to Red Robin... again, very good. And then I headed home. I made really good time this go around. Only 5 1/4 hours!

Early Saturday morning I woke up to run to the DMV. And by early, I mean I woke up at 6:30 and left by 7:15 because the DMV opens at 8. When I arrived at 7:30 there was already a line of, I'm guessing, 120+ people. Crazy Vegas people. Luckily the DMV decided to open its doors early and we got a good head start. Since when does anything government operated EVER open early or make things convenient? I think they knew it was my birthday. And aside from the lady taking my picture yelling at me to lower my chin more (because I wanted to avoid the triple chin look), the experience was quite pleasant. Strange word to describe the DMV, I know, but it's true. It only took a little over an hour, I didn't have to take any tests, I had all my paperwork prepared beforehand, and the last guy I worked with was hysterical. I was there an extra 15 minutes just talking to him because he was so funny! Yeah, we were also talking about the mean picture lady. I'm sure when I get my license I will look petrified in the picture. Oh well. I left smiling, and very amused at the snack bar in the DMV (another interesting feature, I think), with everyone in the snack bar line looking at me like I was insane for enjoying my experience. They were obviously less pleased than myself.

Upon returning home, my mom and I went to hand out more "Missing Cat" flyers. She is quite distressed about our missing Bentley. She ran away almost two weeks ago and there has been no sign of her.

As part of my birthday gift, my mom treated me to a pedicure. This is something we like to do together, but there was only one opening, so she let me take it. And it was with the lady my mom always gets because she likes her so much. Toward the end of my pedicure, a 60 year old man, it also being his birthday, come in for a pedicure. We start talking (because I do that sometimes) and as he came to sit in the chair next to me, walks over to give me a birthday kiss. Special. Fortunately, I'm no stranger to strangers kissing me. I did date a Latino. (Counting my blessings here!) It was kind of creepy, and I'm glad it was just on the cheek. Whew!

We came back and promptly left to go scrapbooking. A monthly outing we enjoy. And following this endeavor, we headed to dinner with the whole Vegas crew. Mmmm.... Buca di Beppo is really one of my favorite places. The food (lots of food this week... it's how we celebrate) is so good you never want to stop eating it. I'm on their email list, and for my birthday they sent me a coupon for free dessert. I ordered the Colossal Brownie Sundae thinking it should be just large enough for the 9 of us to have a few bites each. Oh no... when they say colossal, they mean it. They bring out this sundae that, I kid you not, is about the size of my HEAD! My eyes just about bugged out of that head. Well, everyone, including the kids, got more than just a couple bites each. Their brownies are made fresh every morning, and with chocolate and vanilla gelato... yum. I'm still blown away by how huge this thing was. So remember kids, when you want a big dessert, go to Bucca di Beppo and get their colossal sundae.

To end the day (after a few hours of child-watching and hanging out with my sister) I went to visit Mike in the city. He just moved into a new apartment and invited people over to see it. Okay, call it a party if you wish. Most of us were Mormon. All except for a married couple. After most everyone had left, they started asking questions about us and our faith. It was amazing! I haven't had a missionary experience like this since my mission and I've been looking forward to an unplanned opportunity like this for a long time. They're even looking forward to visiting church one Sunday. It's so exciting to me. Granted, I didn't get back to my house until about 3am, but it was definitely worth it. What a great way to end your birthday celebration!

This has been just about the best birthday I can remember. Thank you to everyone who participated in person or in spirit. I had a blast!

Earth With Her Ten Thousand Flowers

How can you deny the beauty of this? And really, there are many, many more than 10 thousand flowers at the tulip festival. I think it's more like a quarter of a million tulips. Something like that. It doesn't really matter though, because it was beautiful. The tulips above were probably some of my favorite, however, there were others that were just as lovely. Granted, tulips are not my favorite flowers, there are high up on the list, and how can you deny such glorious scenery as this:

I mean, really. It's too beautiful to describe in words. Thus, my gratitude that I brought my camera with me, that it had batteries, they died at the end of the gardens, and when the batteries did die, I had my phone to take last-minutes photos.

Picture from our wonderful tour guide.

I don't know why I have nothing with her in it, because she was amazing, but I guess that's how that works sometimes. Any who, this was my second date with Nate. I'm kind of surprised he wanted a second. (They usually don't... at least not in my experience.) But it was great. Nice, relaxed and no pressure. The best part is that I don't feel like he expects anything from me, at least not more than I'm capable of. I think this may be a first. Crazy, right? Why would I even consider dating guys who wanted me to be different or do crazy things I just didn't want to? Well, that's a long story I don't really want to get into here and now. Suffice it to say I once had no concept of self-worth and men took advantage of that... and I let them. That'll do. The point is, this is a sweet guy who I think genuinely likes me for me (despite my psychosis) which amazes and confuses me to no end. I'm no expert on dating, nor will I ever profess to be, so I have no idea how all this works anyway. Slow and steady wins the race, right? I don't know which race where, but I've heard this method works... so let's just see how this goes, shall we?

Now to more pictures... and I'll shut up for a bit.

From the carousel

Nesting owl

My favorite part about this, as beautiful as the gardens were, was that it wasn't "perfect". Yes, we got to change another flat tire. I don't know what it is about Nate, but there's always a flat tire to be had. He let me help... and I'm sure that wasn't fun for him, but I love this kind of stuff. I just love a good adventure, and what's an adventure if something unexpected doesn't happen? I thought it was fantastic.

So, even though I didn't get much homework done yesterday... at all, I felt productive and had a wonderful day. Oh, plus I made pumpkin chocolate chip cheesecake! It cracked... sigh, but it happens. That's why you cover the crack with a heavy chocolate drizzle, right?

In Fact There's Nothing I Can't Be

Just a random little post for you. Woke up this morning and decided, I haven't stepped on the scale for a little while. I did right after I got home from California and was a little shocked to see a smaller number on the scale than before I left. Did it really take me not exercising or eating within my regimented diet (that I didn't always follow 100% anyway) to see a difference? Seems counter-intuitave. Very much so, in fact. Anyway, it wasn't much of a difference then, but I guess it got all the other pounds excited to jump off the scale too. So, even though it has taken me 4 months to get to this point, I have finally surpassed that stupid little 5 lb mark and am in a lower set of 10's than before. I haven't really noticed much of a difference in my clothes yet, but it's only 5 lbs. Even so, it has me excited to lose more. I'm hoping 5 more by my birthday. Happy birthday to me! Right? I'm guessing the 2+ hours of dancing every day this week and my attempt to get back to the gym every day (starting yesterday) has helped. So here's to finally (in the future) looking how I want and feeling like me again!

Thank you for sharing this happy little moment with me.

P.S. If I hadn't mentioned before, vinegar works wonders for getting the sting out of sunburns. Sure, you may smell a little like vinegar for a bit, but oh, if the burn is bad enough, it's well worth it.

After I Have Traveled So Far

Well, I've been back in Provo for a few days now... how exciting. School started again yesterday. Oh, joy. I've decided to be an idiot again and take too many classes. However, I wouldn't have health insurance if I weren't going at least full time, and because I'm just now a junior, I haven't been able to take a lot of the classes I've wanted to up until now. And I can't take them until at least winter of 2011 when I register as a junior. So I'm taking them now, since I can. It's gonna be a grand ole time.

Let me tell you how the last couple of days of my spring break went...

Uhm... ZOO!

Need I say more? I guess not, but I will. The zoo was amazing. Kind of funny though. My family was there and we had lunch with them, but that's about all we saw of them. They decided to go on the bus tour, and our passes didn't get us on the bus. Plus, I'd rather see the aminals up close and personal. While we were there, one of the zoo ladies drove up to the kookaburra and started making all of these crazy sounds at it... and it went nuts! It was pretty great. I've never heard anything like that, ever! Plus, we saw all sorts of other great zoo animals. I was very disappointed that there were no kangaroos though. I did see my favorite animal, so I guess I'll live.

And others that I'm quite fond of. Such as the polar bear:

There were others amongst my favorite (giraffes, of course), and I cannot forget to mention the PETTING ZOO! There were only ponies and goats. The sheep were hiding. Oh well, I still got to pet some goats. I wanted to take one of the little otters with me, but I think the zoo would have been rather upset if I had. No fun. I still loved the zoo. And it was nice to see the fam and spend the weekend with Ashley.

I wanted to get back to Vegas that night so I could get back to Provo Sunday. The plan was to be back in time for ward prayer, but I got a little caught up. I was also supposed to hang out with one of my Oregon buddies now living in Vegas, but he was sick. Why did he have to be sick? Stupid being sick.

So instead of hanging out with Mike, I went up to St. George early Sunday morning and spent the day (yes, we went to church) with another good friend I rarely see. We met last summer selling in Phoenix together. Yes, I'm pretty sure I've mentioned Nick before and have told you of the crazy friendship we have. If not, well, we're good friends and I rarely see him, so when we do get together, it's sheer madness I tell you. Well his ward started at 11 (Utah time) so I had to leave at 8 (Nevada time) to get there, which means I woke up at 7 to get ready after getting home and going to bed past midnight. Did I mention already how little I slept this weekend because of the whole Eddie thing. Yeah, I'm glad (perhaps lucky) I didn't die. Overdramatic you say? Well, probably. But I lived and that's all that matters.

Oh yeah, back to St. George. I got there early. Nick did not. In fact, he was a good 15 minutes late. As far as hymns go, we only sang together for the closing hymn, but everyone noticed the quality and volume increase by about 50 times. No joke. People commented on the good part, and I couldn't help but notice the volume. I try not to listen to myself when I sing. The whole thing was just funny.

After church, his brother and sister-in-law were having a picnic and invited us along. It was right next to the St. George tabernacle, so as we were waiting for Andy and Mandy, we went on a little tour. The missionary couple, of course, couldn't resist asking about us (as the couple we're not) and how we met, etc. Oh, and when we were getting married. Ha! We set an imaginary date... just for them. They thought the joke was funny. So, everyone, Nick and I are getting married on my birthday this year. Everyone else is doing it, why can't we? (If anyone for any reason believe this, then slap yourself upside your head and call yourself an idiot, cause it's not true.)

The picnic was great. We chatted, sang love songs and sat out in the grass for a while. It's just what we do. Don't judge. Afterward, I was given a little tour of Nick's favorite St. George spots and we went back to the church to sing some more. This time with a piano. :) Honestly, the goal was to be out of St. George and in Provo by 8. I gave up on that when I realized Nick actually had time for me this go around. Usually when we get to visit, it's just a pass through. It was an unexpected and pleasant change. Since he's going to be in China when I go home for my birthday in a few weeks, I told him he needs to come up for my birthday party the following week... if it actually happens. He might move back home (in SLC) this summer to help his dad who just had surgery, and I'm hoping he does. We probably still won't see much of each other, but it will be more than if he stays in the big G-Saint. Well, I guess we'll have to wait and see what he decides to do. It's always nice to have "old" friends around.

Monday was crazy. I was home for about 5 minutes at a time. Tuesday classes started. Yep. 9 credits. I'm insane. And I went to see Edith. They were supposed to get him out today, but it looks like it won't happen until Monday. He's survived one whole week in jail, I'm sure he can make it another. They're still struggling with the whole thing. I don't really blame them, and I think it's pretty natural. But they're doing better. At least, Edith has started to see things a little differently. So we'll see how this turns out too. If you've got it in your heart, their family could really use some prayers.

Well, that's about it for now. Long, I know. It usually is. Forgive me. Good luck to everyone taking classes this term and congratulations to all who have graduated last week. Yep Em, that means you!

I'm Miles From Where You Are

Well, it's the end of day 3 on my "spring break" vacation and I thought I should let you know where I am and what I'm up to. I haven't uploaded them yet, but pictures will come soon enough. Considering I'm going to start the trip back tomorrow, let me tell you what has happened so far.

Ashley and I took off Wednesday night after the last of finals for Las Vegas. We made a quick stop in St. George for gas and to visit a friend I used to sell with last summer. That was fun. We're meeting up again on my way back into town, which is always a blast. We made it into Vegas around 11pm and stayed at my place for the night. The last hour of the drive went pretty quick due to texts and calls from some close friends of mine regarding a friend and an incident at the school he attends. I don't really want to get into it, but it's bad news and I was up all night worried sick about him and his family. His mom called me again Thursday morning at around 5:30 to update me on the situation. I really didn't sleep at all, but at least I got to rest... ish.

Thursday morning came early. I ran around like a crazed person to make sure everything was prepared for the trip to San Diego. We caravanned with my parents and my sister's family but ended up passing them up because we got tired of all the stops and waiting. Okay, so we made one stop, but after being on the road for 6 hours the night before, and with all the sleep I got, I was ready to not be in the car any more. We did meet up with them again for lunch in Barstow (I know... not far from Vegas, but we wanted lunch anyway) and went our separate ways then. They all went towards Disneyland while we made our way south.

San Diego arrived around 5ish and we were exhausted. After updates on my friend, trying to stay awake for 2 hours and t..r..a..f..f..i..c.. I didn't want to do anything that required my brain or my body to do. Yep, we ate and watched a movie, then went to bed. Sleep came much faster and far more thoroughly than the previous night. Ahh... thank goodness.

This morning we decided to go to the beach, which was wonderful. The sky was clear, the sun was shining, there was a little breeze that kind of made it chilly, but when you're laying on the warm sand, you don't really notice too much. (We did take the opportunity to make a few close friends jealous... ahh the marvels of modern technology and camera phones...) Unfortunately when I put on my sunscreen (yes, I slathered it on because I really am the whitest white person that ever could be white) I forgot a few spots I didn't realize would be seeing the sun. Silly me. So now I have severe sunburns... and it hurts. Not to mention the places I did slather with sunscreen, but still decided to burn. Yep, fun. However, to make soothe my pain, Ashley took me out to lunch (also for the birthday of mine she will be missing next month) and then to a rodeo.

MY FIRST EVER RODEO! And it was great!

Well, it was great until the girls next to us started smoking, then a guy behind us did too... and then there was almost a fight and security came and there was mention made of the girls smoking too and they starting giving us the stink-eye. Did I mention there was no smoking allowed inside the rodeo? They cheered when we left. Really pathetic, right? But the rodeo was pretty great. I'm rather impressed with anyone who can hold on to a horse or bull like that. So, I was bucked off a horse once, and yeah... that hurts. Ouch boys, ouch.

So now we're just sitting here on our computers contemplating the great mysteries of the universe. Or, we're playing random games and thinking about how much we're going to love the zoo tomorrow. :)

The plan is for now: Tomorrow, bridal shower (Ash's sister), zoo - meeting up with my family again... just because the zoo is fun with kids too, then I'm headed back to Vegas. I'll stay overnight in Vegas and start back to Provo Sunday. I'm not sure where I'll be going to church, but I'm going. I'll stop in St. George again to visit summer sales friend and then head to Provo. I don't know when I'll be back, but at least Monday I have nothing going on so I can sleep. Tuesday is back to the daily grind of school.

Speaking of school, I found out today that I got a scholarship for next Fall and Winter semesters! I'm just as shocked as anyone... I've never been eligible for scholarships before. It should be enough to pay for full tuition, and perhaps some books. Yay! My folks were so excited. I think I may have moved up a few ranks closer to becoming the "favorite" child. If I keep this up I might be able to rank higher than one of the beloved cats. Well, I'm not getting my hopes up too high. I'm just glad they were as happy as I am.

So when I get back to Provo, we get to figure out this whole mess with my friend, get ready for school and sleep a lot. Sounds like a good plan to me. But so far, this has been a great vacation. It will be sad to leave this beautiful, beautiful land of California. Just pray I don't fall asleep in the car on the way back. I might need the help.

(Apparently tonight we also decided to raid a friend's facebook wall. We filled it with random confessions of love and jealousy. You know... that's what happens at 2 in the morning. It's what we do when we're not thinking. Some people cliff jump, we write love confessions on peoples' walls. At least we know this guy can take it.... and really, we're the ones who look crazy.)

Look for the Stars as the Sun Goes Down

It has been brought to my attention that I haven't posted in over a week. Apparently that's something that will cost me a few lashings if I dare attempt it again. Well, I'm sorry. A lot has been going on. Well, not a lot, but let's just say finals week is a jealous mistress. I have had some fun since classes ended... thank goodness. I'm grateful I was smart enough to prepare for finals a couple weeks in advance. And now, a day early, I can say I am officially finished with finals for the semester. Ah yes. Refreshing indeed. But back to all the fun. Where to begin?...

(Wavy flashback scene)

Oh I remember now. Classes ended the 13th for winter, which meant all of my real in-class (can only take in class before the end of classes because there aren't enough rooms for them during finals week) finals were over. 3 classes down... 3 to go. 3 very challenging classes to go. As is tradition in our apartment now, we, of course, ended the semester with a roommate slumber party. Really, all this entails is pulling our mattresses out into the living room (also requiring a bit of rearranging) and sleeping in the same room. Usually there's some junk food involved, a movie or two and definitely some Nintendo 64. Cause we're cool like that.

Emily also got a flat... so we changed the tire. I feel so manly sometimes.

Oh, dare I forget, the one tradition that never fails: mattress jumping. Shh... don't tell the landlord. We pile up the blankets and pillows and jump from the highest height in our living room... and take pictures. Let's be honest here, what's the point in doing something strange if it isn't or can't be documented? (This all happened in the evening because during the naturally lighted hours of the day, I was feverishly studying for the freakishly hard tests quickly approaching.) We even had a guest for part of the evening. We didn't last semester, but maybe we should have, because hey, the more the merrier.

Friday I took the "hardest" test of finals week. Or so my teacher and all the TAs told me. It was actually pretty hard. I'm grateful for my B. (I talked to a girl in my class today that got a 62... I was really grateful for my 84... but felt so bad for her. No really, it was seriously hard. But shoot, I studied seriously hard for it.)

Saturday was a day full of fun, adventure, antics and wedding stuff. I woke up as early as I could, ran to the store to get a shower gift for my wonderful friend, went to her shower, ran home and showered myself, ran off to my cousin's (well... kind of a cousin) wedding reception, then hopped on the freeway headed north to Sugarhouse Park. It was Jason's (another friend from Oregon) birthday.

His brother, Kevin, decided to throw him a party and miraculously convinced a carload of Oregonians to attend. There may have been some kind of bribe involved. I would imagine so because that's one long drive. The party aspect of it was great. The surprise went off without a hitch. However, the best part of this weekend was Won. She was in the carload of Oregonians who made the journey all the way out to the "promised land". I couldn't be happier. I haven't seen her since... well, since just about 2 months after I got home from my mission... over a year ago! Won and I were roommates just after high school and she's seriously the little sister I never had. I love her guts!

We talked about boys, school, life, dreams, goals, plans, careers, more boys and how much we've missed each other. She refuses to move out here, which breaks my heart. I would go back to Oregon in a heart beat if I could. Alas, my fate is to stay in Utah. At least for now. Which, I guess I'm fine with. At least the sun is shining consistently now. Well, I had a wonderful time with Won and the boys (it's quite common for Won and I to be the only two girls in a large group... at least it was "back in the day") and it ended too quickly.

Hmm... what else to mention? Sunday was pretty good. I didn't sleep at all Saturday night and felt sick from all the junk I put in my body over the last several days (or something, I'm just not sure, but it wasn't pleasant), so I made it to Sacrament meeting Sunday and went home to sleep it off. That helped. Then went and watched some Avatar. No, not that movie with the blue people. The real Avatar. You know, the last air bender. Soooooooo good. My roommates were having some people over for dinner, which I'm sure I could have stayed for and enjoyed with them, but I struggle quite severely in large groups of people I don't know. Needless to say, I opted out. It's really not the people. I'm sure they're wonderful people, and they sounded like they were having fun. I just can't handle it all the time. Well, I was invited to have dinner with the apartment of lovely ladies I visit teach. They won a free dinner from a service auction last month, and hey, my friend happened to be the one cooking. Great company of people I knew... I was picking that one. So spicy thai food it was. And it was delicious. Spicier than my body usually tolerates, but it was so worth it. Later, this culinary mastermind of a friend and I went for a lovely little walk since the sky and outside places were so lovely. Apparently I enjoy the company of this particular person. I haven't asked him to leave yet.

Monday, Monday. Monday is kind of a blur. I remember a book... notecards... literature... the sun... pen... some burning... I think a movie is in there somewhere... FHE.... ICE CREAM!... so hot... why is it so hot?... cute boy sitting next to me? Yes, but there must be something more... ugh... why is it so hot?... who left the broiler on?... what?!... not me... Emily?... oh no! it was Lauren.... WHY!?!... so hot... midnight. Bed.

I woke up early this morning knowing there was much to do and very little time to do it in. What? It's already 1:30. I need to go to bed. But I'll finish this for your sake. Whomever "you" may be. Yep. I worked the whom. So, I woke up and studied for a good 3 hours. I think. Finally I realized, oh yeah, said boy on the couch next to me asked me out to lunch today... in an hour! YES! I've been getting ready for the day in record time lately. Showered (including necessary shaving even), dressed, hair, makeup, gathering all I need for whatever event of the day, all in 30 minutes. And looking fairly good if I do say so myself. I'll admit though, as excited as I was, I was probably just as nervous. I don't know why. Probably because I'm completely unaware of any proper social etiquette/norms/interaction. I haven't done the date thing since, well, let's not bring that up, but it's been almost 5 months! That's enough to make a girl feel out of practice. Not that I've ever felt really confident about the whole dating thing anyway. Luckily everything went well. I didn't spill on myself, injure myself, drool on myself, spill, injure or drool on anyone else. Yeah, I think that went well. Actually, it was all quite sweet... and a lot of fun (at least on my end. There's no accounting for him, and though I didn't commit any of the above crimes, there's no reason to think I couldn't have easily made a fool of myself completely unawares). We went on a picnic. And it was wonderful. I made friends with a bee. He did not. We talked, we laughed, we ate. Not in that exact order, but you get the idea. What a wonderful way to (hopefully) end this drought. I guess we'll have to wait and see if he comes back or if he was completely scarred by the experience. I, for one, was thrilled...and pray I didn't scar him. (I could go on and on about how handsome, interesting, funny, smart, and overall attractive I think he is, but for the sake of him possibly reading this, I won't. :) )

To end an already wonderful day, I took my last final. Yep. Done! Why would that be wonderful? Because I got a 92 on it!!! This was one of my harder classes mind you. And if I can share a little secret without being condemned, this is the class I had a hard time getting to in the morning... so I wasn't always there. I'm shocked I did so well on the test. But again, it just goes to show what study can do. Even though I didn't make it to every class, I did try to keep up with the reading and assignments. How do you motivate yourself to go to a mass lecture at the crack of dawn in winter? I mean really, do you blame me?

Now I have the day tomorrow to relax, perhaps play some tennis, pack, and tomorrow night, it's off to Vegas. Then Thursday, to the warm beaches of San Diego! Don't worry, I'll be back. I will post pictures and update, etc before another week has passed. You'll live. I promise.

(^What's this picture? you ask? Well, this one is just for good measure. Because I like the picture and this the whole world should see it.) Enjoy BYU's "spring break" y'all! I know I will.