We're Not Dead!

I promise. We've just been doing a lot. Thanksgiving was great. It might be one of the last we spend in Utah for a while. Olivia had a great time at Gma and Gpa Parker's. I wish we had taken pictures... especially of Olivia sucking on a giant hunk of turkey. She did NOT want to let go. But she ate plenty of mashed potatoes, yams, and cream pies. Since she loves food, she was a very happy camper. She's to the point where if she doesn't eat cereal or some other filling solid food, she just eats and eats and eats all day... which is hard on mommy. So I'm really happy she's eating mushy foods now. Some of her favorites are bananas, of course, peaches, sweet potatoes, carrots, pears, and really anything you put in her mouth. She's not a picky eater. Messy sometimes, but not picky. She has gotten really good at not putting her fist in her mouth while eating and getting food into the back of her mouth to swallow. There have even been times where we haven't really had to wipe her down afterward. We have a smart kid. Well, on to some more exciting news... Cory and I are moving! We have some friends in our ward who are in a 2-bedroom that isn't a basement (meaning lots of windows) that costs a little less that what we're paying now. We would have to pay an extra utility, but in the end it will balance out, or be pretty close to it. It's just a little bit bigger, but having 2 bedrooms instead of 1 will really help with the clutter issue we're facing now. We just have no room to put Olivia's stuff. We've made it work, and we could totally continue to make it work, but if we're going to be here for 6-8 more months, we may as well have a little more space, right? We haven't broken it to the landlord yet. We will next week when we pay rent. But we fully intend on trying to find another tenant to fill the vacancy. It seems like the right thing to do. That's about all that's going on with us. We're looking forward to our first Christmas with Olivia. We're discovered that Olivia has some eczema, but nothing really concerning. I have 9 days left of classes until I am completely done with my undergrad work. We're almost done with grad school applications. And right now we're just working away... nothing too exciting. That's life.

It's Been A While

Cory and I started up a photo website so we can share pictures of all our adventures with our loved ones. It's been great, but I've been updating that far more often than I've been blogging. We're well into the school semester and it's been going great so far. Cory is finally starting research on people, and that's going great too... after we worked out a few kinks in the system. Olivia still has a few rough days (and I'm sure that will always be the case), but we really couldn't have asked for a better, happier baby. School so far has been fantastic. Only taking 2 classes and actually getting about 20 hours of work a week consistently is wonderful. I've never felt so relaxed at school. Even with a baby. I love my classes. I actually understand the materials. AND, I finally took the GRE. I feel like I did pretty well. We'll see how well I really did once they score everything and give me my percentile grade. That might not be for another week. My new goal, now that I've taken the GRE and don't think I'll have to take it again, is to get my letters of recommendation and letter of intent. I've talked to, and set up appointments with various professors to write letters. What they want me to do, since apparently my 3.6 GPA isn't that great (BYU.... geez), is to write a resume, essentially, of all the experience I've had with anyone who has/had a disability, delay, or any other kind of special need. Well, I started writing a list, and it turns out to be a pretty short list... even though I do have a lot of experience compared to most people. So hopefully I can get that together by Monday when I have my next meeting with a professor. The letters will be the easy part. The hard part is this letter of intent. I have to hook these admissions boards. I need to show them my innermost desires, without being cliche about it. They need to get to know me. But I have to do all that in 500-1000 words. Yikes. My goal is to have that written in the next 2 weeks. My overall goal is to have these applications completed and submitted by November 1st. That's well before finals, well before most applicants will be submitting, and it will give them an opportunity to see that I get things done early, and I mean business. What's plan B? Well, if I can't get into any of the grad programs we're applying for, we'll go where Cory and I feel is best and I'll apply to that school again the next year. Right now our #1 school is in Buffalo, NY. It's far away, but it's a phenomenal program in what I REALLY want to do. And it offers Cory a dual Master's degree in audiology and business. The other draw to Buffalo is that the housing market is actually affordable. For us. We could probably put an offer on a house. A HOUSE! Many of the suburban homes there run in the 50k-100k range. And we're talking 3 and 4-bedroom homes! They're older, and smaller, but still! We would have a yard and I could plant a garden. Olivia could play outside, and we could potentially get a dog (after I graduate)! We would have enough space to have another baby before we graduate. Our #2 school is University of Washington in Seattle. It's a much more expensive program and higher ranked. They also have a program that really appeals to me in what I actually want to do. The drawback there is that there is no way we could get a house. No way. A condo, maybe. The big pull, though, is that it's MUCH closer to family. And we LOVE the Pacific Northwest. LOVE IT! No matter what happens, the Lord will help us go where we need to go. And we're the kind of people that grow where we're planted. We're not particularly fond of Provo, but we have grown here, and we love it for that. On another note, Olivia is growing like a weed! She's roughly 14lbs. now. She's rolling from her front to her back pretty comfortably, she can roll from her back to her front but it's harder for her, she squaks like a little bird all the time, she scoots around on her back by pushing off the ground with her heels (and gets pretty far!) and she is JUST. SO. HAPPY! She is the cutest kid. She loves her Daddy so much. She just lights up every time she sees him. He can make her laugh like crazy with just a look. It kind of makes me want another baby right this minute. I guess we'll have to wait, but I love my little family, and I'm excited to watch it grow through the years. We sure have had some fun, and there's a lot of change coming in the near future. If you want to keep up on the actions and want to see any of our photo site pictures, here's the link: http://oneplusoneequalsthree.shutterfly.com/pictures The password is: trio2012

Great Blessings and Revelation

Cory and I have been feverishly trying to find him a job the past several weeks. After interviews, and not hearing back from them, I started to panic. I knew he would find a job...eventually. It was the timing I was worried about. Last Friday was supposed to be his last day working on campus, so he needed a job by then. Let me just say, we have been incredibly blessed. Cory's boss on campus got the dean to approve an extended employment as a non-student. Once that happened, I panicked much less. A day or two after that, Cory was offered a job for Ancestry.com (a genealogy research company), then a few days after that, he was offered another job at a local grocery store. So now Cory has 3 jobs for the next month until he is finished working on campus. He'll be working at Ancestry in the mornings before I go to class, and working at the store after I come home. So, essentially, we won't be seeing each other for a little while. But, it's only temporary. Once I'm finished with classes in December, we'll get to see each other again. Hooray! The next two weeks are going to be extra busy as he's training and we're getting into the new schedule. This past Wednesday I got a call from the ward executive secretary to meet with the bishop. Cory and I walked over to the church (since it's a block away now) and the bishop called me to be the 2nd counselor in the Relief Society. Oh boy. As timid as I may feel about this calling, I had a sweet reaffirmation that this calling is for me and is from God. I also got to teach RS today (they called me to sub about 3 weeks ago). It was one of those moments where I prepared, and as I stood up to teach, felt prompted to just throw all my preparation to the wind and go with the Spirit. It ended up being a wonderful experience. I'm so grateful for those tender mercies. As it turns out, The RS president originally wanted to call me to be a teacher. When she went to pray about who to call for the 2nd counselor, she wasn't even thinking of me, but felt very distinctly that I was supposed to be that counselor. I just think it's amazing. I'm grateful, excited, and am definitely going to have to rely on the Lord for this one.

Olivia's Blessing Weekend!

What a busy and beautiful weekend! Saturday, all the family drove in. Cory's family (including his sister from Missouri) and my parents (and Aunt Sue came too!) all came and set up for the weekend. I got to spend a little time with my mom and Sue. Cory and I were busy getting all sorts of food ready for the luncheon for after church. Luckily, it didn't take too long to get Olivia to sleep that night. We had to let her cry just a little bit, but she fell asleep within 10 minutes. Sunday morning, Cory and I woke up nice and early so we could get out the door by 7. We wanted to make sure we had time to get Olivia fed and dressed as well as talk to someone in the bishopric and make sure any needed paperwork was filled out. Things got a little hectic right as church was starting, mostly because when you put the address of the church into a GPS or googlemaps, it brings you straight into a peach orchard. If I had realized that ahead of time, I would have sent out directions with the baby announcements and invitations. At least mostly everyone we were expecting was there on time, and everyone turned up eventually.

The blessing was simple and beautiful. I wrote down a little of it for Olivia's baby book so she'll have some record of it. Of course, I got a little teary-eyed. It was such a tender moment.

After Sacrament meeting, Cory and I went back to grandma and grandpa's to get the luncheon set up so people would be able to eat once they arrived. The luncheon went well. We took lots of pictures and I ended up with about twice as much food as I really needed, which is great so Cory's family will have some left-overs for a meal or two. I'm so grateful for all the friends and family that came, and to the Parkers for letting us use their yard (not to mention borrowing chairs from their neighbors).

Once we got everything cleaned up (really, Cory and his brothers cleaned up most of it since I was in feeding and taking care of Olivia), we started gearing up for Aubrey's baptism. Since so much family was already there, Cory's parents just decided to have her baptism there and then, which was perfect. I'm glad we got to be there for it. Cory played an arrangement I sang to, Grandma Parker wrote a song about baptism that she sang, Joshua and Jacob gave talks, and countless others held exhausted babies. Everyone helped out and made it wonderful. Aubrey and Jared (who baptized her) changed in record time. Aubrey really wanted to be there as everyone sang Primary songs so she could sing too. She really loves to sing and wants to be in the spotlight. It's a little funny, but mostly sweet. With some lessons, I think she'll be a really good singer! After the baptism, we went back to the Parker's and hung out for a while. Cory, Joshua, Dad, and I played Rook and watched the Olympics. Olivia started to get pretty fussy, and it was late, so we headed home. Joshua and Jared came down with us so Jared could buy Cory's car from him. Since Olivia was so tired, she cried the whole way down. Jared and Joshua tried so hard to sing her to sleep. It mostly worked until they started to sing a song about Star Wars. Apparently she's not a fan. Luckily, we were 5 minutes from home by that time. It was a wonderful weekend and I feel so incredibly blessed. We have so many friends and so much family who love this little girl. That really is the best feeling in the world.

Growing Pains... and Joys

Olivia has been growing SO MUCH! It's amazing to me. She seems so much older than she is. The hard part about growing so much so fast is that it's a little painful. For both of us. Olivia has been hungry all the time, and so tired that she cries until we can get her to fall asleep. It makes me so sad when she doesn't feel well and whimpers. Also, a nurse came to visit last week and Olivia was 10lbs exactly!!! The fun part of growing is that she's doing so much more and is so interactive now. Everyone has been amazed at how aware she has been pretty much since she was born. But now she's smiling a lot and starting to play with her voice, so occasionally we get giggles, but we also get a lot of squeals. I love it! It just warms my heart. This is why people have kids.She is also figuring out that when she's awake, she doesn't have to be eating constantly. What a relief to me! Sometimes she's just content wiggling around. I love my baby girl so much.

My Baby Story

This is full disclosure for anyone who wants to know Olivia's birth story. So if you don't want to read about anything birth-related, stop now and look at the super cute pictures of my baby on facebook. Let me also say that there is a good portion of this experience that I probably don't remember, or remember properly. Thankfully, during all of his down time in labor & deliver, and our time in mother/baby waiting for tests and peds visits, my darling husband took the time to write in his journal about it. Did I ever mention how awesome my husband is? Because he really is. And to follow his example, I need to write about it too. (I think some day I'm going to get this blog printed and bound into a journal... it seems like a good thing to do.) This story starts on Thursday (June 21st). Prior to Thursday, I was having some Braxton Hicks contractions, but nothing crazy and nothing consistent. Thursday afternoon, it seemed like I was having real contractions. They hurt, they were consistent, and I was uncomfortable. I started timing them and they started hitting 5 minutes apart and lasting a minute later that night. Cory and I watched a movie and hung out with our neighbors to pass the time and keep ourselves distracted. Finally, we decided to head about 1am to the hospital and hopefully start this baby-having process. We got to the hospital, they check us in, check to see how dilated I was, and we were disappointed that nothing had changed in a week. I was still at a tight 1cm. Since I wasn't really dilated, they hooked me up to monitor my contractions for an hour, then they checked back to see if any progress had been made in that hour. Ideally you would dilated a cm for each hour you're in active labor... ideally. My progress in that hour: absolutely none! We were disappointed and they sent us home. At least we didn't bring up all our bags and bunker down. That was the up side. Friday was a little depressing and I was pretty determined to not let that happen again. I spent my work day on Friday counting contractions since my office was essentially dead (Fridays are like that usually). They were definitely stronger. At my doctor's appointment that morning, there was a little progress, but really not much. At this rate, I wasn't expecting to see Baby Girl for another week. In fact, I had a scheduled induction for Friday the 29th. Saturday, Cory made a point to keep the day moving for me. He's so sweet like that. I think we were both equally disappointed, so it was probably a little bit for him too. At this point, too, my contractions were even stronger and making it hard to walk through them. We got up that morning and decided to go see a movie. The new Disney-Pixar movie, Brave, came out in theaters the day before. We intended on seeing the 10am showing, but it sold out by the time we got there. Fortunately there was another showing at 11am. To pass the time, we walked around the mall a little bit. Walking is supposed to help labor progress, right? The movie was a great idea, and we loved it! After the movie we tried out this new sandwich place next to the theater. Like I said, Cory really went out of his way to keep the day going for me. I know it doesn't sound like much (movie and lunch), but we don't have money to go out all the time. So when we do a meal AND something else (or something AND a meal) it feels like a special occasion. I can't remember what we did the rest of the afternoon. I probably sat around counting contractions again... I hurt for sure. That night, we waited as long as possible, but ended up at the hospital again. This time it was about 6pm. At least we knew if they were going to send us home, we'd be home early enough that we wouldn't lose sleep. We were so hopeful that we wouldn't be going home this time we even brought all our bags with us. So we got into the room, checked out (I was at a 3!!! and VERY hopeful), and hooked up. Then we sat and waited. Well, I was laying on my back. The hour went by quickly because of our anticipation. The nurse checked me again, and NOTHING. She asked the doctor if they should have me hang out for a while and walk around to see if things would get moving, but they ended up sending me home again. I took some Tylenol PM to help me sleep, since it did a beautiful job the night before, and since my contractions were killing me. They just radiated in my hips and back. I tried my best to sleep, but with each contraction closer and closer together, I didn't get a wink. Finally about 4:30 in the morning, I woke Cory up (though I'm sure he wasn't in a deep sleep since I spent the entire night tossing and moaning through contractions), and sobbed to him that I was in so much pain and didn't know what to do. I didn't want to go straight back to the hospital just to be sent home again. After all, this is my first baby and have no idea what I'm doing and what I'm in for. We called the hospital, told them the situation, and left it up to them. Do you want us to come in, or should we wait longer?... because I feel like I'm dying. (I'm sure most of it was because of all the previous disappointment and complete lack of sleep.) They told us to go ahead and come in. (The worst they could do is send us back home...) So the nurse checked me out. 5cm! Wow! They didn't bother to hook me up right away and said we were staying to have a baby! Oh the elation! We were there and I was hooked up for about an hour when Dr. Jacob came in to talk to me. We decide that he would come back in a while and break my water to get things really moving. Well, when he broke my water, I went from about a 5 to a 7 in no time! I was excited because I was thinking that this labor thing might not go on forever and that we would be meeting our little girl soon. When the nurse came back to check on me, I was still at a 7. No progress. Bummer. So we talked about Pitocin. (I know... the "p" word.) We mentioned that if it were necessary, we would like to start of on a low dose and have small increments as we increased the dose. She seemed to understand. A while later, she checked me again (still a 7) and hooked me up on the Pitocin. Somehow, starting on a low dose in her book meant 4. I could feel the effects very quickly. And it was painful. But I seemed to manage just fine. A short time later (what felt like a short time) she came back, still no progress, so she increased the Pitocin. How much? Oh... only to an 8. Yeah... apparently the little chat we had about the Pitocin before it was administered went in one ear and out the other. She doubled my dose! And oh, boy was I in agony. (let me tell you... your body doesn't double... so you shouldn't force it to.) I was in tears. There was nothing we could do. Cory even tried to turn it down himself, but apparently there is some kind of code on the machine. We called the nurse to have her turn it down, but in the time it took her to get there, I was begging for an epidural. Of course the anesthesiologist got there in no time. By that time, I was in complete shock. My whole body shut down. My contractions were no longer functional. I was shaking uncontrollably. Cory had to help move me around just to get the epidural in. During this whole process, the nurse came back in and mentioned that a couple was there administering the Sacrament and asked if we would like them to come to our room. Immediately I said yes. I definitely needed it that day. I needed that reminder of the Savior. The cute elderly couple came in right after I got my epidural. The sweet sister shared a message with us, then Cory blessed the bread. He got a little choked up and I started to sob. The spirit was so strong in that room as my husband blessed the tiny piece of bread. It was a moment where you knew Heavenly Father was VERY aware of what was happening and He was watching over us. I ate the piece of bread and said a little prayer of gratitude for this tender mercy. The water was blessed, I drank, and the couple, after wishing us well, left. The spirit didn't leave with them. It stayed as we sat in amazement. I felt nothing at all but that wonderful spirit. A short time later, the nurse came back in and I hadn't made any progress yet. She started playing with the Pitocin, trying to find a level where my contractions would be productive again. Apparently jumping to an 8 didn't work. (duh!) After some time of this, they started to worry about Olivia since her heart rate started dropping down a little low. Cory called our neighbors who are good friends and asked Emmett if he would help Cory give me a blessing. Church was starting in about 30 minutes, but they came right over to help. Another tender mercy. Again, you could feel a rush of the spirit. Immediately after the blessing, my contractions began being productive, and soon after I was dilating again. It was a miracle for sure. Heavenly Father truly was aware and wanted to help us. All we needed to do was ask. About 2pm we were ready to push. I had never been more uncomfortable in my life. But I wanted to meet this little girl. We pushed for a while and the doctor came back in. Olivia was in a good position, but she wasn't moving much more and her head was turned slightly. Her heart rate started to drop again and we were worried, especially since there was a lot of meconium in the amniotic fluid. Dr. Jacob talked to me about our options. We would try the forceps, but because of the slight tilt in her head, he didn't know if he'd be able to get a good fit on her. The other option was a vacuum, but we only had 2 shots with that until there was a real risk of hemorrhage. If the forceps and vacuum didn't work, we would have no other option than a c-section. (Because that's what every mom wants to hear.) I felt incredibly blessed because on the first try, Dr. Jacob was able to get a good fit with the forceps and I started pushing with everything I had... which was not much since I had already been pushing for and hour, been up since 4:30am with really no sleep prior, and was starving. Finally, at 4:04pm, Olivia June Scott was born at 8lbs. 12oz. and 21 inches long. They whisked her away to clear her lungs since she didn't really start breathing and they were pretty certain she had swallowed meconium. A few minutes later, I got to hold my little angel. She had so much hair! And cute chubby cheeks. Holding her filled me with such joy. I hardly even noticed Dr. Jacob starting to stitch me up from how badly I had torn. I got 30 minutes with her before they took her to get her cleaned up. Then they moved me into a new room and shortly brought my baby back to me. She was perfect and so precious. I am so blessed and grateful for the opportunity to carry this sweet angel for almost 10 months and to finally hold her in my arms. I now firmly believe that true love is a love you share as an eternal family... with parents and children.

Big Baby Bash

This past weekend sure was eventful! My sister, Kristy, flew in Thursday night, so Friday, I swapped for the morning shift and spent all afternoon and evening with my sisters (...well, Kristy and Kelli since Korrie wasn't in town yet). We didn't do anything crazy. For the most part, we just sat around and talked. It's so rare for us to be able to get together and just chat, so it was really fun. For dinner that evening, Kristy and Kelli had already picked up some pizzas, and we ate dinner at a park. Again, it was really nice to just sit and relax with my sisters (and their kids). Kristy was in a little bit of shock at how big I am. Well, I guess that happens when you're a month from giving birth. :) Kelli sees me far more frequently, so there's no real shock factor for her. That night, my mom and Korrie drove in. Mom and the girls stayed at our apartment, and Korrie drove up to Kelli's to stay there with Kristy. Mom and I put the girls to bed right away (on our living room floor) and Mom and I stayed up a little too late chatting... like we often do when we haven't seen each other for a while. Saturday morning, we woke up bright and early and all of us girls (me, Chloe, Cailee, Kristy, Kelli, Korrie, and their babies) too Mom to breakfast at Kneader's for a belated Mother's Day. Can I just tell you how delicious their breakfast is? I even brought home a pastry or two to share with Cory. How nice am I? After breakfast, Mom, Kelli, and Kristy went to the mall to get the twins' 1 year pictures done. It's kind of traditional. They ended up getting Kristy a new phone too, since her old phone's ringer would ring. She got no alerts at all until after the fact. While they were out, Korrie and I went back to my apartment, picked up Cory, and went to take some maternity pictures. They turned out really cute and didn't take very long at all, which was really nice considering our time constraints. Kristy and Mom weren't quite finished with the phone thing, so Korrie and I decided to just head over to Costco and pick up what we needed to pick up for the baby shower, then go start setting everything up. Fortunately, we were using the church across the street from Cory's grandma and aunt (and her family). They came over and sure helped a TON! We really would not have finished everything if not for the Harrisons. The baby shower was fantastic! So many people came... I was a little surprised. Mostly because I don't know a ton of people. But family from both my side and Cory's made up about half of us. The rest were friends from high school, work, and church. It made me so happy to have so much support from friends and family. Oh, and did I mention that the food was awesome too?! Here are some pictures:

One Year Ago

I thought one year ago was the happiest day of my life. I married my eternal companion in a holy temple of the Lord for time and all eternity. We are sealed together by a bond that can only be broken if sacred covenants are broken. While I truly adore my husband, and one year ago today was such an amazing day, it was only the first day of the happiest days of my life. I have had many, many since and will surely have many, many more with him by my side, and as our little family continues to grow. Cory has been patient and kind in every way. He exemplifies manhood and fatherhood. He takes such good care of us and treats me as an equal. He never expects me to do or be anything or anyone in particular. He wants me to be me... and the most amazing thing of all is that he loves me for me - post-baby dough belly and all. He has never made me feel sub-standard, even when I don't wash the dishes or forget to pull the laundry out of the dryer to fold and put it away. Even if I feel I do, he has never made me feel like I should lose weight, wear more makeup, or dress up more. He still holds my hand every chance he gets. He kisses me good-night and every morning at the very least, but usually more often than that. He is worthy of the Priesthood and never hesitates to use that power to bless me or those around him. He works hard and tries his very best all the time. I love him with an eternal love and look forward to the next 100 years with him. Happy Anniversary.

39 Weeks

Yesterday I hit the 39 week mark. Yay! I also had one of my last doctor appointments until I'm due. I have one on my due date next week, but I'm really hoping I don't make it to that one. For those of you who are faint of heart when it comes to baby/pregnancy things, stop reading now. Here's what they told me: I'm 1 cm dilated and 50-60% effaced. This is really good since last week I was dilated to about nothing. She said that she has seen people in my condition go into labor that very night after seeing them. Well, that didn't happen, and I wasn't expecting it either. But I am hoping she'll come before my due date, just because I'm excited. I asked what happens if she doesn't come by my due date. Her response was that it all depends. If I look like I'm progressing, they could possibly schedule an induction the week of the 25th. If I'm not progressing, the soonest they'd schedule an induction is the 29th. So either way, I won't go much over 41 weeks, which is nice. We'll get to see out baby girl very soon! So far I haven't had many contractions. They're faint, few, and far between. But they're there... I think. Maybe it's my imagination because I'm just that excited. The really good news: she's head-down!!! She's been liking the transverse position lately, so I was a little concerned. If she's transverse when I go into labor, it's pretty much an automatic cesarean. Not how I want to have my first baby. So I was happy that she's cooperating with Momma. Good news all around. I'm really excited. And thanks to Tylenol PM, I finally slept last night and feel great. Today would be an awesome day to have a baby. Probably won't happen... but you never know. :)

Nesting

I've been working on a post about my lovely baby shower. I just haven't finished it yet... but no worries. It's coming. Pictures and all. Until then, I've been completely been distracted from studying for my final (which is Thursday, mind you) by this phenomenon called "nesting". If you're wondering what this means, it has something to do with pregnant people making a home ready for babies. I didn't hear the term used until our neighbors came by one day last month and saw Cory and me scrubbing our apartment top to bottom. I've been progressively nesting since then. I'll just get a sudden urge to clean, organize, purge, craft, and pretty things up. I've posted a few of my crafty things in the past, but they're starting to come together. In the past two days, while not at work, I've done nothing but nest. I cleaned off our counter, organized papers, and thrown a ton away. I moved Baby Girl's bassinet from on top of the changing table my sister gave us to the side of the bed. I still have to figure out how to keep the AC from hitting her, but I'll figure it out when the time comes. After the baby shower, I took some of the decorations my sister gave me or left behind and cozied up Baby Girl's corner of the world. I'm trying to get all her blankets, toys, and doodads organized and where I can easily find them again. I already had a scare where I couldn't find the blankets my mom made. Enter panic mode. But I found them in the pile of clothes I set aside so I can pick which outfit to bring her home from the hospital in. I've been looking through the baby book my mom gave me so I know what I need to remember to write in it later. It seems like the more I nest, the less organized things seem. But that's only because I'm not finished yet. Right? Oye. Cory is going to come home today, ask what I did, scold me (with his eyes) for not studying and for making such a mess. I really could put this off for two more days. But I don't want to. I'd rather procrastinate the studying right now. Thinking about my baby makes me too excited to sit still and study. (I will have you note, especially since you can't see, that the entire bottom of this bassinet is FILLED with blankets made or given by so many people who love this little girl already.) Baby Girl is due in 10 days and counting! Anyone want to start taking bets on when she actually comes? Cory's co-workers already have. Some are calling as early as the 18th... but then again, they're all men in his office... I also might have a slight addiction to Otter Pops... as a side note.

Keep Life Simple - Wear Pants

6 months of the exact same wardrobe gets a little... well, boring. Remember how I recently found all the maternity clothes my sister gave me and I was so excited because I was getting tired of wearing the SAME THING day after day? Well, often in the morning, while I'm eating breakfast or showering, I think about what I might want to wear that day. Yesterday I wore a sun dress that I bought for our trip to Florida and found another little gem hiding in my closet. It was roomy enough around the waist that it just might fit around by baby bump... well, more like baby beach ball. I was excited to try it because, hey, something new I could wear! I was thinking about it fitting about my belly and forgot that before I was pregnant, it usually hit just below the knees. So when I put it on, it was about an inch or slightly so above my knees... at least from my high-above-my-belly perspective. No big deal, right? Well, not when you're pregnant and Mormon. Most girls (LDS or not) would just say, oh well, and go on with life. Some might try to make a too-short dress modest by adding a pair of leggings underneath. Like so:

Well, after criticizing the act so much, and being so excited about the possibility of wearing something new (ish), I caved. I tried it. I pulled out a pair of leggings I had (I wore them under skirts for dance classes... you never know what will happen) and put them on. They hit just below the knee, so you only got a few inches of legging. And I though to myself, "this just might work!" (Keep in mind, I don't have a full-length mirror... and there's a reason for that.) Then, Cory and I walked outside to the car to go to work. My dress was already riding, and I already regretted the decision. But it was too late. If I turned back now to change, we would be late, and I would be an indecisive mess. I decided I would just suck it up, and since I sit behind a desk at work, no one would know, or see. I felt terrible the entire (7 minute) drive to work. Then we had to get out of the car. The wind was a little blustery... but not Marilyn Monroe blustery. Even still, my dress continued to ride. I told Cory that I just didn't know how girls (LDS girls specifically) felt good trying to justify immodesty. I also told him that I would just end up being his inappropriately-dressed, pregnant, trophy wife for the next 5 minutes as we walked to our offices. I was not comfortable, and I just wanted to go back to the car, drive home, change, and come back later (...still do). The whole time, I judged myself negatively and joked that Cory needed to stop. He told me before the leggings went on that the dress might be to short, which I knew (he was really sweet about it). He was trying really hard to be supportive and just didn't mutter a negative word to me. So I appreciate that. I think he knew that this would be a learning opportunity for me and let me have it. And it really didn't take long for me to tell him exactly that. So that's where I am now. Uncomfortable, even behind a desk. I feel pretty bad about a decision I made just to try something new, and too lazy to turn back. And it's only 10am. What did I learn from this? 1. It just feels better to wear real pants - or clothes you don't have to worry about. (And no, that doesn't mean ugly or frumpy. Who wants to feel ugly and frumpy?) 2. I now have a recent experience to use to teach my daughters about the importance of modesty. (And how it feels when you're not.)Immodesty, even innocent immodesty, is just not worth it. 3. I can now say from experience that LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS! And yes, when I finish with work in 3 more hours, I am promptly going home and putting on some real pants.

What's Goin' On?

I realized it's been a couple weeks since I've posted anything. Well, my family has pretty well stayed updated since I talk to them a lot, but for anyone who isn't related, here's the update. First: Tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY! Yep. I'm excited to share it with my husband. And do you know what I decided I wanted to do? We're going to the temple. I think that's a great way to spend a birthday. Besides, this little girl comes in just over a month and I might not be able to make it as often as I'd like. Plus, of the names I have to work on currently, I have one left before we can finish off these ordinances for the family we've been working on for almost a year. The reason I love my birthday is because everyone seems to want to talk to me. :) I like when people go out of their way to talk to me or visit me. Who doesn't? And it seems to happen most on my birthday. So I'll take it! Second: I had some kind of terrible stomach bug last week. I ended up calling an on-call doctor twice in the past week because of how miserable I was. Fortunately I wasn't throwing up, but at the same time, I wish I could have just to get rid of whatever ick I was feeling. It felt like I needed to throw up. Food no longer sounded/looked/smelled appetizing. I even called off work one day, which really doesn't happen unless I'm on my death bed. I didn't feel bad this time because Cory and I are working 60 hours a week now... so we won't be completely broke if I miss 4 hours. As a result of my 4-day ick, I ended up losing about 3 lbs and after my stomach started to feel better, my digestive system went all out of whack...for 3 days. Super. And, ouch. I called my doctor again last night because it was TERRIBLE (I will spare you the details) and he told me what I could pick up OTC to relieve some of the discomfort and symptoms. Yes, we went to the store on a Sunday. It was an ox in the mire moment. And it was SO worth it. I'm back at work today and feel great! I ate food, food stayed in my body and digested properly, and I was satisfied. Happy day. And now we CAN go to the temple tomorrow without fear of... issues. Thank goodness for on-call doctors. Thank goodness for OTC medicines that don't cost an arm and a leg. Thank goodness for reasonable/compassionate husbands. Third: Baby Girl is huge. And I am huge. But that's okay. I love her and I love that I get to be her mommy. The fun part about Baby Girl getting bigger (besides her being healthy) is now I can feel her wiggle on two sides of my body at the same time. It's pretty fun. I'll feel her little hands moving around my hip while her toes are playing in my ribs on the opposite side of my body. I also love that Cory can distinctly see her movements and point to her. She's good entertainment during church. She also started getting hiccups at night. It kind of freaked me out the first time. I wasn't worried since she was moving so much. I thought it was bizarre that her movements were so rhythmic. That was on the 8th. She had hiccups again last night. It cracks me up. I just know this little girl is going to have a dynamic personality. She's so funny. I just have a feeling. Fourth: Mother's Day was the BEST! My cousin's wife had their baby the Saturday before, and she's a cutie. I think it's great timing. It's my aunt and uncle's first granddaughter, so they're thrilled. I loved Sunday because I got to enjoy Mother's Day as a mother. The youth in our ward passed out planter pansies to the women in the ward. At first I kind of wondered what I was going to do with pansies in dirt. I live in an apartment. I don't have a garden. And then, I noticed the youth had stuffed chocolate into the dirt. SCORE! When we got home I found a pot and potted them with some potting soil I happened to have from previous potting efforts. Cory also made me breakfast for Mother's Day. He made me really yummy French toast stuffed with cheese, spinach, egg, and a bunch of other goodness. Unfortunately, because of my ick, I couldn't enjoy it as much as I really wanted to. So I felt really, really bad. But I know he understands that it was good, I was just sick all week. I'm very grateful for my wonderful husband. Fifth: Cory gave me the option of going to see a children's play on Saturday, or going to see the new Avenger's movie. Considering one was 2+ hours long and the other was an hour tops, one was here for the weekend and the other will be around for a while, and I was still sickly, I picked the children's play. There weren't too many seats sold in the balcony, so we picked seats up there to stay away from everyone. Yep, two adults with no extra-utero children went and saw a children's play. Fancy Nancy and Other Story Books. It was awesome. Cory and I ended up laughing quite a bit. They turned 5 children's books into short musicals. It was so fun! And less expensive than the movie anyway. It was a great, inexpensive way to get out of the house. Sixth: I organized! I got rid of a bunch of stuff, made a nice DI bag, and de-cluttered. It felt SO good. Until my body reminded me that I wasn't feeling super great. Cory rolled his eyes at me. But, I was in the mood, which rarely happens. And I accomplished a lot. I even found where I stored all the maternity clothes my sister gave me when we first found out I was pregnant. Double score! New wardrobe, for free!!! I had already been wearing some of the things she had given me, but some of them were more summery and I couldn't wear them while it was cold, so I put them away. Perfect time to find them! It's past 80 degrees today! My next organization goal is to rearrange the pictures on our walls. Just because. And can I tell you how nice our apartment feels now that it's less cluttered? I feel like we might actually be able to fit a baby in there! Lastly: I love our neighbors. We invited them over last night to play a game and just had a blast. We get along so well. They are also expecting a baby girl, but not until Sept/Oct. We could have easily scared them off... and by we, I mean I could have easily scared them off. Many times. But they haven't run. I take that as a good sign. It's so nice to have neighbors that will talk to you and do things with you. I'm glad they're planning on sticking around for a while. We will miss them a lot when one of us eventually moves. *sigh* I think that's all for now. Coming up in just under two weeks is my baby shower. I am thrilled!!! So I'm sure I'll be posting about that in the next few weeks. Maybe I'll get a chance to throw something in before then. I make no promises.

What Dreams May Come

Before Cory and I got married... but while we were engaged, Cory had a dream about us having a set of twins. So, when we found out out little June Bug was coming, at our first ultrasound, I prepared myself for anything. I'll admit, I was only slightly disappointed that there was only one. (But I'm glad now, because I don't know if I could do two right off the line. And... Heavenly Father knows what He's doing.) Recently, Cory had another dream about twins, and our family in general. This time a little more specific. Here's the run-down according to Cory's dream: Baby 1: Girl (and thank goodness, because we can't change that now) Baby 2: Boy Baby 3: and 4 - twin boy and girl It will be really exciting to see how it really happens. But I wouldn't mind if it worked out the way it does in Cory's dream. And hopefully I'll be finished with grad school by the time 3 and 4 come along. Cory probably won't. He has an extra year or two on me. We'll see.

Change Can Be A Good Thing

First off (I have a lot of first offs these days), baby update: Tomorrow marks the end of 32 weeks. Holy cow! Our little June Bug is so wiggly and I love it. It's so entertaining that Cory and I will just sit at watch her sometimes. She does not like to stay in one place very long. What I don't love is the constant feeling of exhaustion, the increasing pain in my ribs, and how hot I am at night. I have my next dr. appointment May 1st. I plan on asking them how they know how big she is. I know they can tell from measurements on an ultrasound, but I don't get any more of those. And I'm still a little concerned that she will be gigantic. Not so much for me, but for her. Cory's brother got stuck and had shoulder displacia. I guess he wasn't even that big either. I know that really doesn't mean much for me. But still... And since they said I don't have gestational diabetes at my last appointment, I haven't really been eating like I do. For all I know, it could be late-onset like my sister, and I just packed an extra 2 lbs. on her unknowingly. Yep. I'm a new mom. I worry. I know it will be okay. But I'm still allowed to worry about dumb things. It comes with the territory. Right? Secondly, I think we officially have a name for Baby Girl. Lately I've been re-thinking this choice. I'm not sure why. And I'm hoping that if Heavenly Father has a different name in mind for her, that He lets me know pretty soon... because I've been trying to think of other names, and I'm just drawing a blank. Anyway, Baby Girl Scott will most likely be named Olivia June... we're about 95% sure. Cory prefers Olivia Jane. But there's something about June that I love. My second oldest sister and I were talking about this a couple months back and I think I like June so much because my niece, my oldest sister's daughter, is Eva June. Eva brought something very special into our family when she was born... and even before so. Eva has Downs Syndrome. And I think we've learned a lot from her about not needing perfection to be happy. That our ideas of perfect and happiness are not Heavenly Father's ideas of perfect and happiness. That unexpected things are not always bad. And that there is a lot of hope and love to have in this world, even when things aren't our idea of perfect. At least that's how I see it. Eva, and her mom, have strengthened my testimony a great deal, and I would really love that name sake for our baby girl. And I pray she will be an example of hope and love to those around her (no matter what her name is). Now on to the main purpose of this post: Graduation. Cory has been working very hard towards August graduation. In order for that to happen, he needed to have his entire honors thesis completed an turned in by May 15th. In order to finish all his research to accomplish this, he needed the go-ahead from the faculty member he's been working with. Now, this man is essentially a genius. He's co-chair on both the audiology and neuroscience boards at BYU and on various international boards and committees. He travels a great deal to speak in various countries, and gets subpoenaed occasionally to be an expert witness in his fields. He's a pretty important guy. Well, after trying to get a hold of him for a few days, Cory finally heard back from him. The email was simple. "I won't be available until May 14th." Yeah. Remember that May 15th deadline? So, it's pretty much not going to happen. August graduation, that is. The only downside is that we were planning Baby Girl's blessing around graduation and both of our families were coming in. We were just going to make a whole weekend of it all. The good news is that Cory doesn't have to rush and freak out for the next 3 weeks. And for me, that means I can have a Mother's Day and a birthday with my husband. :) So the new plan is that we'll both graduate in December (only 4 months difference... so no big deal), and since they don't have convocation exercises in December, we'll walk in April. The downside of April convocation is that it is HUGE. That's when everyone graduates and all over town is just a mess. But, this way, Cory will actually get to walk with honors. Yay! I mean, he's been working on this for 4 years now... I personally think the man deserves it. And, the honors department throws him a fancy schmancy dinner/award ceremony... so... free dinner! Plus, Cory graduated high school early, so he never got to walk at his own high school graduation. So, we're going to let him do that for college. :) The last little change of plans, after talking to all of our parents, is we will be moving the baby blessing up by a week. So instead of August graduation weekend (the 12th), we'll be blessing Baby Girl August 5th. So mark it on your calendars! It's going to be a party. We think we'll bless her in Grandma and Grandpa Scott's ward in Alpine and do a luncheon up there right afterward. We really have no space for people down here. My oldest sister was very generous to offer her home to us as well, but we though we may as well keep everything in one spot. So that's the plan. 8 more weeks of pregnancy (ish). 4 more weeks until my mom and sisters are here for the baby shower! (I'm SO excited!) Ready. Set. Go!!!

Sundays Are Interesting

First, I'm grateful I made it through church today. The chapel was SO hot. I am grateful Cory was willing to fan me with the program almost the entire meeting. Just to show you how hot it was, during Sunday school, he fell asleep. Well, the heat was not the interesting part of our meetings. That came in Relief Society. Surprised? I'm not either.

The lesson in Relief Society today was temples. For all my non-LDS friends who may read this, temples are very sacred places of worship for us Mormons. Within the walls of the temple, couples and families are sealed together for eternity (essentially our wedding ceremony), those who did not have the opportunity when they were alive to be baptized can be, and it's a place where we can find peace away from the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives. We believe that a major component in God's plan for us (His children) is families. We are born into families for a reason... thus the eternal family/marriage thing.


I mean, look at this place (one of 136 temple in operation throughout the world), who wouldn't want to get married in such a beautiful building?

The reason why this particular lesson on temples was so interesting is because the sister sharing the lesson began by telling the rest of us how she didn't have a testimony of temples. That's a good way to get a person's attention. The rest of the lesson was a little fragmented as she shared quite a bit of detail in her life story. In a way, it was refreshing to be reminded that not everyone who is LDS has the same testimony in each aspect of the Gospel. Here's her story in a nutshell: This sister was adopted into an abusive family along with her brother. She grew up without a knowledge of the Church (or any church from how it sounded). Because of her abusive upbringing, she left home at 15, was pretty much a vagrant, and very promiscuous. She moved to Hong Kong, was going to marry a man for his money, ended up falling in love with a different man, started learning about the Church through some friends, and moved back to the United States. Here in the U.S., she was baptized and served a mission in Korea. When she returned from her mission, she met and married a man in the temple (remember, for eternity). After about 2 years and a child, they divorced because, in his words, she wasn't "drop-dead gorgeous." Hey, no one is perfect. And yes, Mormons are supposed to hold themselves to a high standard, but that doesn't mean all of us live the way we should. It's sad, but true.

Needless to say, this kind of experience could completely jade a person. Just like any other negative experience we have. If your close friend gets injured in a specific activity, you're probably less likely to participate in that particular activity... and it's more likely that you're friend won't do it again. Well, that's what happened to this sister. She did eventually re-marry. But not in the temple. People change, and there's a huge fear that you won't like the person your spouse becomes. Well, I have a few thoughts on that matter. First, hopefully you and your spouse are constantly working together to become closer to each other by becoming closer to God. That is something you and your to-be spouse need to decide before getting married though. And, as the below diagram depicts (you may have to use a little bit of imagination), as you both come closer to God, each spouse automatically grows closer to the other.



That's not to say that the fear doesn't exist. And in reality, you don't know what will happen in the future. Take my parents. They divorced when I was really young, for reasons I'll probably never understand. They're back together again (after 16 years), but that's a whole different story for another time. That's what the whole faith thing is all about. You have faith that your spouse will do what they need to do, as they have that same faith in you. People do change. They're supposed to. But hopefully it's for the better.

My second thought on this is that this whole marriage thing takes work. If neither of you are willing to put in the work, or if only one of you is, chances are, it probably won't work. I know I'm no expert. I haven't even been married a year. But this is just what I've seen and these are my feelings from my experiences. And I'm not saying that this sister didn't put work into her marriage. I'm not pointing fingers anywhere. Again, these are just my little reflections.

So what did I take out of this lesson? As I sat there, listening to this and other sisters' horror stories of being married in the temple to the wrong person, or having a very different outcome than expected, I was filled with gratitude. Why? I am so grateful that this sister was brave enough to share with the rest of us that she was unsure. I am grateful because I do have a testimony in temples, and by having a testimony in temples, I have a testimony in the eternal nature of families. Growing up, because my parents were divorced, I never knew what would happen to my family after we were all dead. That was scary. I had a fear that because my parents weren't together, I wouldn't see the rest of my family after this life. There was no promise or guarantee. At least in my mind. When I was that young, I didn't fully understand the doctrine.

I am grateful that my children will never have to experience that same fear. But didn't I just say that you never know what will happen and that people change? Yes. Yes, I did. But Cory and I are both determined to work hard at our marriage, and the rest we go on by faith, always asking and praying that God will help us through whatever trials may come. And I know He will help us as long as we are willing to put in the work.

I probably have a few other things I should add, or that I wanted to add, but I think that will come a little later.

Resizing

You know... when you're pregnant... everything changes sizes. Your waist, your chest, your hips, your feet, even your fingers. It wasn't until the end of just last week that I started having a hard time getting my wedding ring off. On warmer days, it was really uncomfortable just wearing it. So I would either not wear it, or I would wear a different ring. Either way, I felt kind of naked without this baby:

I mean, I've been wearing it for over a year now. And nothing feels quite the same. Besides, I love it so much. I hope you can see why. (I would have taken a picture of it on my finger... but it just didn't do it justice.)

Last week I wore a different ring to work. One of the girls I supervise was asking where my wedding ring was. I tried to explain to her the concept of water retention and told her that it happens sometimes during pregnancies. (Not everyone deals with it, but us truly lucky ones do I suppose). Her remark, in a very appalled tone, was "what!? Your fingers get fat!?!" as I'm sitting there eating a cheeseburger that I had picked up on the way to work since I didn't have time to make anything. Yeah. That made me feel super great. Not only am I eating gross food, but my wedding ring doesn't fit, and if I didn't feel this way before, I sure felt fat now. Awesome. Make the pregnant lady feel fat. It was one of those moments where I really had to step back and refrain from a.) crying, and b.) yelling. It was also a moment where I had to remember to forgive much faster than I am sometimes willing to. Maybe I'm not completely over it, but I don't begrudge the girl anymore. She just doesn't know. She hasn't been pregnant. She has probably never been overweight. She probably hasn't had anyone tell her how hurtful unconscious words could be. So I'm choosing to let it go... hopefully sooner than later.

Today, my darling husband went out of his way, while I was at work again, to go get my ring re-sized. He may have felt bad for me, or was getting sick of my sad puppy eyes each time I tried but failed to fit my ring on my finger. Either way, he showed up at work with my ring. I traded my plastic Cracker Jack ring he originally proposed with (you should read the whole story... it's pretty cute) for the real thing. It really made my night. I have such a good husband. And luckily he was smart enough to buy a warranty that provides free ring sizing and cleanings. So smart and so good to me.

I'm not even thinking about my ring being a bigger size now. I feel less "fat" wearing it. I feel more complete having that symbol of our eternal relationship on my finger. Plus... we looked it up and my ring's value increased about 40%. That's pretty neat.

Attitude

I was recently complemented for my very positive attitude. It was such a nice complement, but it surprised me a little too. I think we all tell others that we're "fine" when asked how we are. I try hard to be a little more honest about how I'm doing than "fine". Why not? If they're asking, I'll tell them. If they weren't genuine, maybe that will teach them a lesson. Maybe not. Either way, my usual response is "great" or "I'm going well." Well, I usually am. Granted, I am ALWAYS tired, hungry, in pain, anxious, frustrated, or some combination of the lot. But most of these come along with the territory that is pregnancy. SO, if I just push all that aside and focus on everything else, like the fact that I'm having a baby, or my wonderful husband, life is genuinely great.

It all comes with the attitude. There are some circumstances that we cannot change. There are some terrible things that happen. But I think with a little perspective and some gratitude for how good things really are, life can truly be great all the time. Does this mean that when terrible things happen to us that we should just pretend we haven't been through something terrible. No. I think that would be dishonest and make us even more miserable. And that's why Heavenly Father puts us into families and why we have friends. We are given others to love and to love us so we can rely on them and they upon us when these things happen. Knowing that I have people like that around me, people I can turn to when life genuinely sucks, makes life kind of great... even in the midst of misery.

Last week I got pretty upset at Cory for something. (We all do things to upset one another... not with that intent, but we're human and it happens.) Something dumb. But I was justified in my mind. And I probably was. I had every right to be angry. I was also determined to be a little immature about it. I was determined to give him the cold shoulder so he would know that I was upset with him. When I walked through the door that night, with that same determination. I went to walk past him, but then when I looked at him, I just had to hug him. How could I be so cold to a man I love so much and am SO blessed to have in my life? Was I still upset? Yes. But instead of being petty and immature, I talked to him. I told him how I felt. After that, I wasn't upset anymore. By changing my attitude a little bit, I was able to take a situation that made me miserable (granted, I was adding to my misery a bit) and turn it into a learning moment and a time where my husband and I could bond.

I hope I can continue to take really crummy moments in my life and turn them into learning opportunities, or moments of service and joy. I hope that I can teach this to my children so they can have happy and successful marriages. Attitude can be the difference in everything. And I think, at least I will try hard, to keep my attitude positive.

One of My Very Favorite Things

This week is spring break for the school I work at. It would be an awesome week where I get to sleep in... if it hadn't been for the fact that my hours were cut dramatically last week. I now work only 3 hours compared to the 12-14 I was working before. I may have called my mom frantically the other day because I didn't know if I would be able to pay the bills, help with rent, etc. She told me to calm down and that everything would be okay. After a week or so now, I've been able to calm down a bit. Why? Because I've worked like mad in the evenings instead. It happens to be our busiest time of the semester at the HFAC. So instead of getting a nice fatty paycheck, it will end up being about the same. It's great, I'm not freaking out. But give it another week or two and I might start freaking again.

The great thing about having fewer morning hours is that I do get to sleep in. What's nice about that? Well, sometimes Cory gets up and leaves for work before I do now. Not often, but sometimes it happens. What could be so great about this? Well, every morning, before Cory has to leave, he comes into the bedroom to collect his pocket items... you know, wallet, keys, etc. Before he walks out, he leans all the way across the bed and kisses my cheek. I love it. It just sets me in the best mood every morning. I love this man so much. He may not always see a dirty dish, but he still does all the other little things to show me how much he loves me. I'm so thrilled that our little girl will have a daddy that will show her these little acts of love all the time. He's such a good man. I couldn't have picked anyone better.

New June Bug Picture

This is the newest, and most technologically amazing, picture of our little June Bug. Tomorrow she will be 26 weeks and she already has a little bit of chub on her. We're getting so close to the third trimester, and I'm so excited to see her face to face! We're really fortunate that we've had 4 ultrasounds during this pregnancy. It's a blessing that U of U happened to be doing a study for first time moms during all this. Otherwise, we wouldn't be able to see her progress like we have. I love this picture too. We got a DVD recording of the entire ultrasound, which was pretty great. I got to show Cory the whole thing since he couldn't come to the appointment. Up, and covering a little bit of the right side of her face, what looks like it could be her arm, is really her leg. You can kind of see her ankle just above. She was so wiggly the whole time, and refused to move her arm out of the way, so the sonographer literally had to prod her until she moved. She wasn't very compliant the first couple of tries, but eventually, with the right angle shift, she cooperated. And I love that her little lip is sticking out a bit. During the ultrasound, we even got a little smile out of her. I'm hoping I can do a screen shot from the DVD so I can post that too. And the part where she is grabbing and playing with her toes. It really was super cute. I got to see her open and close her hand, so I know all the fingers are there (Cory's brother has 2 fused toes... so you never know). We got to look at all the chambers of her heart, her stomach, diaphragm, kidneys, brain... and everything looks good.

I'm so grateful she is healthy, and seems to be a happy little girl in there. She's very wiggly and likes to scrunch up and stretch out. She's having her own personal dance party or something. I love her so much and feel so lucky that we get to hold her in our arms in 3 short months. :)

Bad Habits

I have a friend (a girl who was once my visiting teacher a few years back) who is just the cutest thing. When I met her, she was a hair stylist and I always looked up to her for how put-together she always was. She had the cutest clothes, her hair was beautiful, and even if she was only wearing mascara, she was always so beautiful. Plus, she has this smile that will light up a room and takes a genuine interest in people. She's probably one of the first visiting teachers I was excited to have come visit me.

Recently this friend of mine started a blog. And, being the blog-stalker that I am, I started reading it. To my surprise, her blog was all about eating disorders and body image. This girl that I so adored and admired for her confidence and beauty was writing about how she saw herself, the world, and how it really is. I was automatically hooked. Some friends' blogs I can go a few days (seeing a new post) without reading. Hers, I don't want to. They seem to give me a better sense of self and a little boost in my day.

Why has this particular blog affected me so much? Well, it's simple. I've struggled with an eating disorder for several years of my life, which is probably why I'm writing this particular blog post. It has never been consistent. But usually, when I gain a little weight, I freak out and go into a spiral of self-loathing. I don't always automatically go into bad eating habits mode. And I don't always hate myself when I eat a cheeseburger. I'm fortunate that I'm not, and haven't been, in the same negative place that many girls have been and are in. I definitely count my blessings. And I think I would be there if I didn't have the Gospel of Christ in my life.

I think right before my mission was when it was the worst. It was the time I was very stressed out, living in an unfamiliar place (albeit with people whom I loved and who loved me too), working 2 jobs, trying to pay off a LOAD of debt, dating a boy who was very vain, and trying to prepare for my mission. I know the family I lived with was concerned. The mother even tried talking to me about in the most loving ways. I always blew her off telling her I genuinely wasn't hungry. I got very used to the feeling of hunger, to the point where it didn't bother me any more. But I was exhausted. I couldn't shake the feeling of being so tired. But I lost a lot of weigh, quickly. I dropped sizes (even though I was still only a size 12 max... I was so excited to be in a 10 and wanted so badly to get down to an 8). It's the smallest I had ever remembered being. My boyfriend kept telling me I looked great. My mom, when she saw me, told me I looked great. I felt like I looked great. But the truth of it is, I felt terrible. It took months for the mission department of the Church to approve my mission papers because I was anemic and needed to get it under control before I could leave. Instead of taking care of my body, my doctor prescribed iron supplements. They worked, and I was grateful.

It wasn't so much a problem during my mission, I think because I was so focused on more important things, but with some companions it was a problem. I did have one companion that I knew of for sure who was bulimic. I was so mad at her because she was letting her issues get in the way of our work. I was trying so hard not to focus on my own eating problems and just do the work. We weren't companions for long, not by choice, but I was kind of glad for these reasons.

It got bad again after my mission though. I went right back into a lot of the same old habit. It has come and gone since then (now that it's 3 years since I've been home) and I still have my good and bad days. Not so much with my actions, but definitely with my feelings about myself and food. The good thing is, when I have more important things to concern myself with (like my mission and with my baby), I don't act on my inclinations to not eat. This pregnancy and having healthy children is far more important to me than food. Don't worry, I'm pretty good at taking my vitamins too. And Baby Girl is really healthy and perfectly developed at this point. That's the greatest blessing of all.

In my friend's most recent blog, she talks about a contract with herself. She mentions to stop doing one thing and do another instead. When you want to do the thing you shouldn't, do more of the good thing you're trying to do. So, for myself, I promise not to starve myself and to be grateful (and thank my Heavenly Father every day) for the blessings I have been given.

Yes, I have gained a lot of weight with this pregnancy. But that's normal, and I gained about 15 lbs right before getting pregnant. Since then, I've gained another 15-ish lbs, which is normal. Well, for a "typical" person. When you're already overweight, they say you should only gain 15 lbs total. Yes, I want to lose weight after Baby Girl comes into the world. But that will come with a healthy diet and more exercise. I want to be closer to my ideal weight (which is not my pre-mission/anorexia weight) when I get pregnant with baby #2. Fortunately I have a summer of no school so I'll finally have time to exercise with a real routine. It will happen, and I will get control of my food issues. It may take a while, but it will happen. I'm determined. I will not feel bad about eating good foods. I will not feel ugly when I'm just a little overweight. I will not let my poor body image take over who I am.

Like I said, I'm not as bad off as some... maybe even most with eating disorders. For that I'm grateful.

I'm a little hesitant to post this, but I think, to keep myself accountable, I'm going to.

If you're interested in reading Sherry's blog, here it is: http://doingtheroar.blogspot.com/

One Way or Another, He Finds A Way

You know when you get a prompting to do something, and you put it off, or are a little nervous about doing it, and then when you finally do it you feel pretty awesome? Well, I felt awesome yesterday.

Starting back in January, I was getting major promptings to ask a friend of mine to meet with the missionaries. I never really judged members when I was serving a mission for not asking their friends to meet with us. I know it's not an easy thing to do. Some members were just naturally awesome at it. Others didn't have anyone to ask. And some were not that kind of person. But now I can truly attest to the fact that it's not easy asking someone you're good friends with to meet with the missionaries.

Now that it's 2 months later, I finally found an opportunity to sit down and talk to her about it. It was kind of an interesting experience. The conversation started off with some creepy stuff (because we had just watched a really creepy video... seriously scary) and somehow it led into talking about spiritual things and meeting with the missionaries. It was really great because she gave me the run-down of her experience with the Church and missionaries. I'm glad she felt comfortable telling me about it, but then again, she has an open personality.

The best part is that recently she has become friends with someone else (back in February) who has been a big part in her starting to read the Book of Mormon. Yeah... maybe I should have actually gotten on this back in January. I guess when you slack off, the Lord finds another way to make things happen. But still I think the other times that I sat down with her with the intent to ask her to meet with the missionaries, but didn't, only solidified our relationship even more. Which, led up to this conversation and me actually doing it.

Well, I told her that if she didn't want to, I was completely fine with it. Or if she didn't want to meet with them in her apartment, ours was completely open to her (it always is anyway...). I also explained to her that I had been having these promptings for a while. Anyway, she told me she just might take me up on the offer. It might not be for a little while, but she would definitely consider it. I'm feeling pretty good about this. It's not often you find a real missionary opportunity outside inactive or less active members of the Church in Provo. But I'm grateful for the opportunity to share my testimony with her. I hope she takes me up on it, and I hope and pray she will find an answer in regards to the Book of Mormon.

Stuck Like Glue

I can't begin to explain how much I love my husband. Unlike myself, he is very good at this romance thing. I just don't know how to do it... and I don't think I fully appreciate it either. Which is sad, because Cory is SO sweet.

For example, yesterday was Valentine's day. I knew he had something planned for the evening, and we didn't get to see each other at all until that night since we were working and in classes ALL DAY. So I took it upon myself to make a nice lunch on Sunday (Monday wasn't a great night either). I also made and wrote him a little card. I know... so sweet. Then, when we both get home and get all ready for the night (seriously at 9pm), we take off. We drive around and he has me close my eyes. He drives in circles which makes me nervous and nauseated. I don't like being in a car without being able to see what's going on around me. Too many car accidents I guess. It only takes one, really. Anyway, we arrive, and where are we? The Chef's Table. It's a beautiful restaurant... probably one of the classiest in the Provo area. And we eat this fantastic 5 course meal. The risotto was to die for, and the salmon was amazing (especially considering I don't like fish... but I gave it a try), and the creme brulee was heaven. The salad they served was SO good I wish I knew how to throw it together myself. A server brings me a red rose to take home. And Cory pulls out a little red box from his coat. Yep, my husband even bought me jewelry on Valentine's day. I wasn't expecting it because I never really want or request it. But there he goes exceeding my expectations and wildest dreams. He's so good. And yes, I will brag about him. Any decent girl deserves a man like him, but there aren't enough out there to go around. (There aren't really enough decent girls to deserve them either... so maybe it works out.)

Can I tell you how much our little June Bug was bouncing around during that meal? I think she really enjoyed it. :) I sure did.

The only down side to such a wonderful and delicious meal is that my appetite seems to have disappeared. I don't know where it went. I still can and do eat, but I never seem to want to anymore. Blah. At least food still tastes delicious! Yum!

Again, my husband is wonderful. It's not necessarily the things he actually does, but it's the fact that he thinks about and wants to do these things. He's awesome.

New Love

I was reading an article about how a lot of pregnant women fall in love with their babies well before they even see their cute little faces in person. I've come to accept this idea as fact. I love our little June Bug so much already. And I feel so blessed to have found two great loves in my life... so far.

So happy Valentine's day everyone. If you have a current love, or are looking forward to future love, there is love to be found all around us. Especially in the arms of our Savior.

Baby Face

I was reading another friend's blog this morning and she mentioned how she likes to morph her face with hot celebrity men to see what their babies would look like. That gave me an idea. What would June Bug look like?

I just so happen to have some baby pictures of Cory from our wedding. And I just so happen to have baby pictures of myself on my computer too. So I took about 15 minutes of my day and did THIS:



This may or may not be what our little June Bug ends up looking like. I guess we'll see...

Won't it be fun to find out in a few more months?

Dear June Bug,

I think that's what we'll call you for now.

Your daddy and I are so excited to see you.

I've always wanted a family and it took a lot of prayer and hope to finally have faith that you would someday be in my life. I couldn't be happier about this wonderful gift our Heavenly Father has given us. You, your daddy, and I are inseparably connected from now until eternity. You are our baby girl and always will be. And no matter what you have to endure in this life, or coming into this world, we are always here and will ALWAYS love you. No matter what!

Heavenly Father sent you to us for a reason. Not just because you needed a home, but because we need you in our home and you need us. I can't promise it will be easy. And I can't promise that you will always think I'm the best mom in the world. But I will always give you what you need, and together, with the help of Father in Heaven, we will get through anything and everything that comes at us.

I look forward to sharing tender little moments with you. I can hardly wait to hold you in my arms and kiss your little cheeks. I can hardly wait to see the pride in your daddy's eyes when he sees you and holds you for the first time. I can hardly wait to play dolls with you, and bake cookies with you, and teach you how to tie your shoes. I can hardly wait to kiss boo-boos away, and hold you close when you're scared, and laugh with you when you're happy. I can hardly wait to see you sitting by your daddy's side on the piano bench as you try to play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". I can hardly wait to see you look up at him with such pure love and happiness. I want to cherish each and every one of these little moments. But right now, I can wait until you're ready for us. I can wait until you grow big and strong enough. And you will be strong because you are a little piece of your mommy and daddy and everyone that came before us. (We have some very strong people in our family.)

Little June Bug, we love you more than we have words to express. I've worried a lot about you lately, but Heavenly Father has assured me that everything will be okay. He's the best at doing that. Even though the next few years will be tough, and I'm not sure how we're going to do it all (your daddy and I still have to finish school...), or where we are going to go, He has told me in my heart that everything will work out.

Someday you will have lots of little brothers and sisters. They will look up to you. And it won't be easy for them either. But you are given the responsibility of Big Sister for a reason. They need you too. And you need them. I hope you are kind and loving. Your daddy and I are going to try really hard to teach you how. I hope you can show them all of the neat things you can do and maybe even teach them how to do some of those things. They will love you SO much, just like we do. You might not always get along the best, but remember, with Heavenly Father's help, everything is going to be okay.

Pretty soon we'll get to see each other. That day will be wonderful. Your aunts are VERY excited for you to come into this world. They have helped me out a lot. And I hope that we will get to visit with them and all your many, many cousins frequently. They're part of our family too and we love them a lot. We are all so excited for your birthday. I hope you are too.

With more love in my heart than I knew existed,

Mom

Motivation & Disease

I have none right now. It's probably going to hurt me this semester. My problem: I'm just lazy. I say that because I have no excuses for my lack of motivation. But really, I'm just tired... all... the... time. Tired to the point that, if I didn't think I'd stay up all night, I could sleep all day. I could stay home all day, stare at the dishes and laundry, and not touch them at all. (What a good wife I am...)

In other news: I can actually feel Baby Girl moving around. I think it's been a couple weeks since I started being able to feel her sloshing around in there, but since I am very inexperienced with this pregnancy thing, I didn't realize that's what it was until I realized that's what it had to be. It was too low to be belly grumblings, and it definitely didn't feel like gas. Too much information... I know. Anyway, I couldn't be more thrilled. I was waiting for it excitedly.

I also have a bunch of friends that are pregnant too and due about the same time I am. Most of them are about to find out the gender of their babies. I guess I'm pretty lucky I got to find out so soon. I'm counting my blessings.

On ANOTHER note: my sister called me almost frantically yesterday. I got a call, then a text telling me to call her ASAP. She doesn't do that unless it really is urgent. I called when she was in the car on her way back from taking her almost 5 year old to the doctor. Apparently she had just been diagnosed with Fifths disease. It's about as bad as Chickenpox for a kid from what I had read. Sometimes they'll get a fever, but mostly it involves some mild symptoms followed by a rash that looks like they've been slapped. Not so bad for a kid, but it can be really bad news for a pregnant woman in the first half of her pregnancy. If you've had parvovirus before, you're probably immune. But most people can't remember if they've had it before. Thus the precaution of getting blood work done. So that's where I am. If I did catch it and I'm not immune, it can cause anemia in Baby Girl. And as most of you know, blood is pretty essential to a developing baby. My doctor didn't seem too worried when I was talking to him. I guess they have things they can do if I am infected so Baby Girl doesn't die. That gives me comfort. I'm not too worried anyway. Mostly because I'm just not. (That's the benefit of having the Spirit with you I guess. Even when things could normally cause you to worry yourself sick, the Comforter is there to calm you down.) I've been getting mild headaches today, which is unusual for me. Supposedly it's a symptom. But then again, knowing myself, it could easily be psychosomatic. I told Cory I had headaches today and he rolled his eyes. That was annoying. I told him he wasn't allowed to roll his eyes, even if it was all in my head. A headache is a headache. Obviously HE'S not worried either. Still, a little compassion, just in case, would be nice. Besides, this is HIS kid too.

I went and had blood drawn this morning. Missed work. Didn't go to classes I didn't feel were essential. I have one teacher with an autoimmune issue and gets sick pretty easily. She told us not to come to class if we were ever sick. I didn't want to risk it. Maybe that's me justifying not going to class. Really, I feel like my true intent was keeping her safe. Either way, I have to make up the work. That wasn't supposed to be the point of this paragraph... the point was that they couldn't find the lab request when I went in. They drew blood anyway and said they'd find it. Ha! I called a few hours later. They had the request, were running the labs, and they'd know something in a day or two. I'm hoping sooner rather than later. Again, I'm not super worried, but I would feel better knowing. And I can stop giving my hypochondriac self headaches.

I've just been taking things one day at a time these days. It's all I can do to keep from sleeping my days away. I can't seem to think ahead more than another day or two... if that. Hopefully my motivation will spring back into me. I think I just need to get an awesome grade on an exam or something to show me I'm decent at anything. Maybe that will motivate me. Maybe I just need to pray a lot more to help me get through this little slump I seem to be going through. I think I'll try that first. Add some walking into my routine again. Go out and see people again. I need something more immediate to look toward. Something I actually have time for. (I work every single day this entire week... including Sunday. Suck.)

P.S. I did wash dishes (both at home and at work) yesterday, and washed a load of laundry today. It is yet to be folded... but I did it.

Hey Baby!

I have been so anxious all day today.

Yesterday I had an appointment with my doctor. We got to hear baby's heart beat again, which he didn't tell me what it was. But everything sounded good.

Today I had an appointment at the hospital where I am participating in a new mom (pregnant lady) study. They're trying to find indicators for birth defects, low birth weight, and pre-term labor. Things of that nature. Anyway, today at my appointment, since they do ultrasounds at each appointment and I'm 17 weeks, we could find out gender. I know a lot of people like the surprise, but Cory and I wanted to know. Badly. Once we have one of each, we might let it be a surprise.

I also found out that Cory has been really excited about finding out what the baby is. It took hearing how excited his co-workers were (directly from them) and having them tell me that they've been hearing about it for a LONG time. He's pretty good at keeping cool. I think part of it is that if we're both too excited at home, we'd never get anything done. I really did love hearing from his co-workers that they were excited for us. It made some of those long days seem less stressful. (My husband works with some pretty neat people.)

Well, without delaying any longer, here are the results of our ultrasound:



Hello June Bug! We look forward to meeting you this summer!