Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

So I've been in a bit of a foul mood lately. A little depressed perhaps. Well, Valentine's Day can do that to a single person.

Saturday night was one of our ward's amazing activities. The activities committee put on a Cinderella Ball where the single girls gave a shoe, the single guys picked a shoe, and at the ball we matched shoes there and that was your date. Dinner was first and all the girls were in the upstairs chapel and all at once they brought the guys up. So my roommates and I are sitting at this table and one by one their shoes start showing. I'm sitting there waiting... alone... for another 15 minutes while they get to know their mystery guys. (Some of the guys were from other wards because we don't have a too many single guys from our ward that chose to participate.) I was getting a little concerned that I would be the only one there without my shoe's mate. And I really love that pair of shoes. Just before I decided there was no hope, one of the committee members asked if there were people without their 'mates'. I was the only one, but fortunately my other shoe walked in at just that moment. He was a nice guy, but showed up late and left early. We had dinner, did the cha cha and had decent conversation, but that was about it. It didn't really matter because there was a great band and my roommates and some of the other guys in the ward had a great time dancing.

There was also cookie decorating and you could send a cookie to someone in the ward if you so chose. Sunday night there's a knock at the door and I get one of these cookies with a note on the front with my name on it (with my last name butchered) and the name of a guy in our ward on the back. There was a little bit of controversy in our apartment when we first started hanging out with this guy because we didn't know if he had any romantic interest in any of us, so it was odd, and a little funny that he sent me this cookie. Being the nice person that I am, I go onto his facebook page and write a little thank you with the assumption that it was, in fact, this person. Well, he calls me close to midnight (he's lucky I was still awake or else I would have been mad) saying that I gave him credit for something he didn't do. Well, it was just an assumption and I wanted to make sure he knew I appreciate it if it was him. My roommates were still awake so I went to tell them the news. The look on Lauren's face told me she already knew, and she was the mastermind behind the whole thing. So, funny, maybe a little, but I felt a little crappy about it. Not because she tried to pull a prank on me, but because I thought for just a moment that I wasn't completely invisible in the ward, and that wasn't the case anymore. I'm back to being invisible, and not due to lack of trying.

Yesterday the girls and I went running and I almost passed out, so I wasn't planning on going to FHE. It was at the bishoprics houses, which means tons and tons of people all crammed into their basement. This go around it wasn't that bad because there were actually things to do, but I didn't really feel like participated. And when I did make the attempt, I was completely passed up, not being seen or just plain ignored. I tried, but again, invisible.

So it's not such a big deal that guys don't notice me or think I'm attractive. My problem is that I'm having a hard time coping with my thyroid problem. I'm trying to drop the weight, but it seems like no matter what I do I can only manage it, but just barely. It's frustrating. I'm speaking in church this Sunday about esteeming oneself, and I am the least qualified person to do it, especially when I'm so aggravated with myself. I cannot seem to make my exterior reflect my interior and it's driving me crazy. I have hope that it will get better eventually. I just hope I'm not 200 lbs by the time it happens.