Prone to Wander...

I finished my interview for the school of music a couple hours ago. I have no idea what to do if I don't get into the program this year. It's been suggested that I chose a minor at BYU at start working toward that. Okay, sounds like a good plan. Do that for a year, and try again the next year. I can do that. But what minor? I was thinking dance for a while. I love, Love, LOVE to dance and love to learn all different styles. This year it's tap, which is amazing. I know I want to interpret for the deaf at some point in time, but they don't have a program at BYU. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens. Dr. Broomhead said they'd let us know in a couple weeks. That soon?!?

The interview went well. I'm glad my friend Justin interviewed just prior to me, so we got to talk for a while. Apparently one of my skills in life is making others feel reassured. Justin was good at reassuring me, which is nice when you're the reassurer because you're usually the one reassuring and not usually reassured. This reminds me of the conversation we had trying to fit "tumultuous" in as often as we could. My family has also been very supportive the past week or two. I'm just glad it's all over and now I wait. They mentioned that there were many qualified people applying and not enough places to put them all. I wasn't nervous until they said that and made me feel (this was not said, or implicitly implied... :)) as though I was less qualified and to not get my hopes up. Here's what I have to say about that: I may not be the most qualified person, but the things I lack, I more than make up for in determination. There are more important things than having incredible talent and not every proficient can teach. AND, not everyone is ME! So here's to hoping they like what they saw!

Plus, my roommates and I are trying to find a place closer to campus with private rooms under $350/m. Probably not going to happen, but we're hoping to find something. Otherwise, we'll just stay here. Together. Because we love each other that much.

It looks like a lot is happening this spring and I get to finally visit Rexburg. Never been there before. And why would I? April2: mission reunion. April10: my mission trainer is getting married in Rexburg (shock she finally picked one). April17: my cousin is getting married. April24: going to Disneyland with my family. Here's to April.

All the World is Waiting for the Sun

Waiting, waiting, waiting. Waiting for the sun to show his pretty little face. If you didn't get the update, today was FINALLY the audition for the School of Music/Choral Ed program. I've been preparing for this day for almost 6 months and thanks to my darling accompanist, Pam, it went off without a hitch... except for trying to find the room. Sometimes I think the HFAC is some kind of mystical and elaborate labyrinth. You'd think that I'd know this already, but who knew c-130 was the DeJong rehearsal hall? I wish they'd just tell you that's what it was instead of the whole room number thing. I think it took us 10 minutes just to find it in the abyss they call the first floor (which is really a basement of corridors and doorways). Luckily I tried to get there 20 minutes early, so we were there just on time. We even had a chance to watch a couple other people audition. They were there for the elementary ed program, but they were 2 of the 50 other people auditioning that day for the same 12 spots I was auditioning for. I felt a little bad for the two I saw because you could tell they were very nervous, and very young. I was nervous too, as evidenced in the incessant shaking of my left leg. Why the left? I don't know. However, I let my personality show and sang my little heart out. Miracle of all miracles, I caught a pretty bad cold... or something unpleasant which has altered the sound of my voice, but as I began to sing, I actually sounded like myself! I hope the judiciaries didn't see the shock in my face because it sure surprised me, especially since the past two days there has been obvious strain as I sang. I didn't get to sing my two songs completely through either since they were especially low on time. I'm not complaining because I didn't have to sing a high G with a cold. But if I didn't win them over with my voice, I sure did with personality. And now I can breathe... ahh....

Now time to wait. I have the interview with the program director on Friday morning and I won't know anything until April at the earliest. And I'm praying that everyone I sent recommendations to sent them back to the school. So, the portfolio is finished, my sample teaching is done, I've sent in samples of music I've performed, and even with all this, there's on a 1 in 5 chance I'll actually make it into the program this year. On the plus side, I have more life experience than many of the people applying, I served a mission, and I'm older (not necessarily corresponding to the life experience thing), which I hope gives me an edge on everyone else. I can hardly wait to find out what will happen next year. All the prayers worked for today, but we'll have to wait and see what April brings.

Thank you to everyone who me assisted in person or in spirit for this audition. It has been a major stressor the past couple of months, but made much easier by everyone's support. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

As a final note, it's the end of February, and I'm so ready for spring. In Chicago, I was fine with sub-zero or freezing temperatures because usually there was snow on the ground. If it's going to be this cold, please snow. I'll use it to go sledding or build a snowman. Otherwise, some sunshine and warm weather is completely welcome to join me here in Utah.

S.A.D.

Happy Valentine's Day, or as others like to call it, Singles' Awareness Day.

Since tomorrow is President's Day and there is no school, two of my roommates decided to go to their respective homes for the weekend, so Ashley and I are just hanging out by ourselves. Well, as much as we can with midterms and projects due. We had fun at the Young Ambassador's 40th Anniversary show Friday. It was just amazing, up beat and I really wanted to be in it when it was over. Afterward we went to play Rock Band with some friends from the ward, and with Ashley studying for her infectious diseases test, we had some real fun.

Saturday afternoon I went for a good run and Ashley and I did a nice workout afterward. I'm a little sore today, but it's a good sore.

Today I had the opportunity to speak in Sacrament meeting on self-esteem. I feel like it went fairly well. When I speak I sometimes end up sharing more personal information than what is necessary, but I feel most of it is fairly pertinent. The same was true today. I had a lot of people come up to me thanking me and telling me they would have never realized I had self-esteem problems in my past. That's the funny thing about life. You never know what people have experienced before you meet them. The moral of the story is: be nice to people.

My Way With Words

I'm not sure what it is about me, but apparently I'm approachable. I seem to be the ear and shoulder people need. It's quite the compliment and I'm glad people feel they can come to me for comfort, consolation or advice. Sometimes I feel like the things I say actually make sense. I guess that's why they keep coming back. I don't want to shake the confidence people have in me, but I have a lot of problems too. Then again, that might be why they come to me. Whatever reason there may be to it, I appreciate feeling like people want to keep me around.

As a side note, I just got a new calling this week. Our ward music chair was released last week and kept recommending me to fill the calling. I was finally called to be the music chair Tuesday. I'm excited about the calling, especially since I love music and I'm auditioning for the music ed program in a week, but I have no idea what I'm doing. It's a little nerve-wracking still. I've had teaching callings and presidency callings, but never this. Fortunately for me, I'm good friends with the former chair and she is willing to help me figure it out. What a sweet girl.

Also, I'm baking homemade banana bread. Mmm... so good. And in better spirits today. Yesterday was the last day of my 7-930pm class. Hallelujah!

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

So I've been in a bit of a foul mood lately. A little depressed perhaps. Well, Valentine's Day can do that to a single person.

Saturday night was one of our ward's amazing activities. The activities committee put on a Cinderella Ball where the single girls gave a shoe, the single guys picked a shoe, and at the ball we matched shoes there and that was your date. Dinner was first and all the girls were in the upstairs chapel and all at once they brought the guys up. So my roommates and I are sitting at this table and one by one their shoes start showing. I'm sitting there waiting... alone... for another 15 minutes while they get to know their mystery guys. (Some of the guys were from other wards because we don't have a too many single guys from our ward that chose to participate.) I was getting a little concerned that I would be the only one there without my shoe's mate. And I really love that pair of shoes. Just before I decided there was no hope, one of the committee members asked if there were people without their 'mates'. I was the only one, but fortunately my other shoe walked in at just that moment. He was a nice guy, but showed up late and left early. We had dinner, did the cha cha and had decent conversation, but that was about it. It didn't really matter because there was a great band and my roommates and some of the other guys in the ward had a great time dancing.

There was also cookie decorating and you could send a cookie to someone in the ward if you so chose. Sunday night there's a knock at the door and I get one of these cookies with a note on the front with my name on it (with my last name butchered) and the name of a guy in our ward on the back. There was a little bit of controversy in our apartment when we first started hanging out with this guy because we didn't know if he had any romantic interest in any of us, so it was odd, and a little funny that he sent me this cookie. Being the nice person that I am, I go onto his facebook page and write a little thank you with the assumption that it was, in fact, this person. Well, he calls me close to midnight (he's lucky I was still awake or else I would have been mad) saying that I gave him credit for something he didn't do. Well, it was just an assumption and I wanted to make sure he knew I appreciate it if it was him. My roommates were still awake so I went to tell them the news. The look on Lauren's face told me she already knew, and she was the mastermind behind the whole thing. So, funny, maybe a little, but I felt a little crappy about it. Not because she tried to pull a prank on me, but because I thought for just a moment that I wasn't completely invisible in the ward, and that wasn't the case anymore. I'm back to being invisible, and not due to lack of trying.

Yesterday the girls and I went running and I almost passed out, so I wasn't planning on going to FHE. It was at the bishoprics houses, which means tons and tons of people all crammed into their basement. This go around it wasn't that bad because there were actually things to do, but I didn't really feel like participated. And when I did make the attempt, I was completely passed up, not being seen or just plain ignored. I tried, but again, invisible.

So it's not such a big deal that guys don't notice me or think I'm attractive. My problem is that I'm having a hard time coping with my thyroid problem. I'm trying to drop the weight, but it seems like no matter what I do I can only manage it, but just barely. It's frustrating. I'm speaking in church this Sunday about esteeming oneself, and I am the least qualified person to do it, especially when I'm so aggravated with myself. I cannot seem to make my exterior reflect my interior and it's driving me crazy. I have hope that it will get better eventually. I just hope I'm not 200 lbs by the time it happens.

It's About Time For A New Start

I've been avoiding this blogging thing for a while. My sisters all have blogs and a lot of my friends do, and I just love reading their blogs. Granted, I don't have any children or anything truly exciting happening in my life yet for people to read about. I'm not sure anyone will even read my blog, outside of my family. If that's the case, well, I have a place to write anyway. It's about time for a new start in life, and there's no time like the present.

My roommates and I have started running lately. Or, trying to get into the running thing. That's more like it really. I found out two weeks ago that I have mild hypothyroidism, which means my thyroid isn't as active as it should be, my metabolism sucks, and it's not bad enough for my doctor to want to treat it yet. It also means I get to go get blood work done every two months until it is bad enough to be medicated (then the blood work gets done every 6 months) and I have to be extra careful about my diet. So now I run 3 days a week and dance 2 days a week, avoid sugar and anything that supposedly affects the thyroid (like broccoli, dairy, peaches and pears, juices, etc...). It's really good for the endorphins, but still a little depressing that I can't eat like a "normal" person. I have a roommate who deals with the same thing, but she's had it forever and is medicated. So at least I have someone nearby who kind of understands the whole deal. I also count my blessings that can be successfully treated.

I'm also trying to get my social life back in order. I've always been kind of a home body. Not "home" home where my parents and family live, but my apartment. I love it here and it's just comfortable. I'm even completely content with being alone most of the time. I've been better getting to know some of the people in my ward, so that's a step in the right direction.

Sleep is the other area that needs serious maintenance. I don't do it. Not for lack of trying. I just can't seem to sleep. Ever. I don't really know how to fix this one, but I can try. If anyone has anything outside of Tylenol PM every night (I did that for a couple months, and it helped, until my body got used to it), I'm open to suggestions.

And I still need a job that's flexible to my school schedule. Nigh unto impossible, which is why I don't have one yet.

So here's to the new year. Yes I know it's February. I've been working on this stuff for a while, so it's not necessarily new. Just new to you. Like a lightly used car in excellent condition. Good luck to you all in your resolutions and let's pray 2010 shines brighter than 2009.