Say Anything

In response to my last post:

I apparently offended a friend of mine with my last post. How do I know? They "de-friended" me on Facebook. I'll say it outright, I feel was really petty. Sad how our lives and friendships seem to revolve around Facebook these days. I'll admit my ridiculous fondness of Facebook. But that's not the point.

Here's how it is: I have a friend very troubled by a recent disappointment. I expressed my condolences but also stated my opinion that they shouldn't blame the institution(s) that let them down due to their policies. I, myself, have had a few let-downs by the same institution(s), and as much as I would love to point my finger and say I have been unduly wronged, I cannot. Especially when there is no guarantee of getting exactly what we desire. Each time we put ourselves out there, we place ourselves at risk for disappointment. That's life. It's a big part of life. In fact, probably one of the biggest parts of life. And it's up to us to learn how to cope with disappointment. Heck, we even have to learn how to deal appropriately with accomplishments and successes. Reacting to either in the wrong way has the same potential to be equally damaging.

I expressed this opinion with my friend, and they began to bash on the institution(s) that "let them down", and eventually went as far as to bash the church we both belong to. For me, that was too far. I didn't ever, until that moment, ever question this friend's faith or anything about them.

Some faiths or cultures believe that a life of disappointment and trouble is a sign of God's displeasure. I don't believe this. And I hope my friend doesn't believe this, because it's definitely not a general belief in our faith. The only reason I mention this is because they mentioned that this disappointment doesn't make them any less worthy (or less righteous) of anything God could bless them with. On this matter, I completely agree. And I don't believe, in any way, that anyone or anything was judging this friend based on their "worthiness". I personally will not judge a person's worthiness. It is not my place.

It is just my personal opinion that no one is out to "get" this friend, or anyone (unless you have some crazy person trying to kill you... or something like that). No one is sitting there thinking, "Today we are going to do all within our power to level So-and-So to the ground and make them feel like the lowest piece of junk the world could muster up... and we'll recruit other people and organizations to do the same!" And it is also my personal opinion that if you feel like that, only you can control or change it. Yes, many times our circumstances are completely out of our control. But no, it is not our circumstances that control how happy we are able to be, how successful, or kind, generous and loving we can be.

We, as a society, respect those who and rise above themselves. We tend not to respect those who refuse to change, refuse to see inside themselves, refuse to try something different when what they're doing isn't working. Pointing fingers does not make you happy. It may temporarily soothe your ego, but it cannot change your circumstances for the better. I've learned this lesson the hard way many, many times. I will probably continue to learn it again and again throughout my life.

If you want a new job, keep applying to new places. The economy is hard these days so don't get too caught up when you're not hired, even if you feel you should have been (unless it truly is for an illegal reason they didn't hire you... then you can be mad). When you apply, when you are interviewed, there is no guarantee you will be hired. There is always the chance that there is someone more suited for the position. The hard part is, you never know if there is someone better qualified. They don't tell you that part. So it's easy to be disappointed when you know that you are an excellent candidate. There are plenty of jobs I haven't been hired for... and I just don't know why.

If you want more friends or a better social life. Make it happen. Get out there and talk to people. We go to church - talk to people. We go to school - talk to people. We work - talk to them, and if you have a job where you can't, go with the other two. There are plenty of people in the world. If you want a social life, or to date people, don't sit on your but playing video games. Heaven knows that doesn't get you dates. No matter what your schedule is, you can still do things with people. Again, this I know. My freshman year of college I was going to school full time and worked 3 jobs. I understand crappy schedules. Even this year I'm a full time student with 2 jobs. I don't have a lot of time to go out and do things with people, but I make time. I plan ahead. Sometimes I sacrifice to make it happen. It can be done.

All in all, you can do anything if you put a little effort and positive attitude into it. It doesn't always work out perfectly (according to your expectations). But it CAN be done.

I am sad that my friend was upset by my opinions... and that other people agreed with me. It makes me sad that their life is so disappointing to them that they have become pessimistic and hopeless (at least that is how it seems). It makes me sad that they were so upset with my personal opinions (though I was sad for them and tried to support them in further efforts) that they decided they do not wish to associate with me any longer. We had a good friendship. I am sad to lose a friend. As I said in my previous post, I pray for them. I hope they can find happiness. I pray they can see the good in life, no matter how little it seems. I hope they can some day look at their life and see success.

Obviously this affected me more than I anticipated since I just went on a 2-hour rant about it. I cherish my friendships. But I also don't appreciate when people ruin friendships over lack of communication or don't allow their friends to be open enough with them, not allowing them to express their feelings.

I have another friend struggling with a million different things on their plate. We were able to sit down and talk about some of them. I was able to express my concern about their current relationship. It's not my place to judge other people, but I can choose who I want to be around. It is my place to express my concern for my friends' well-being. This friend appreciated my (and my roommate's) concern. We are still good friends. I appreciate the fact that they allowed me to speak openly and honestly with them.

I'm an opinionated person. It's something Cory appreciates about me. The important thing is that I share my opinions in love. Never with the intent to offend. But again, it saddens me when my concern for others offends them.

Those of you who are my friends despite my opinions and concern, or because of these things, thank you. You are true friends.